Queen Jokes

What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

50 Shades of Earl Grey

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Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?

They found traces of Mercury in him.

What do you get when you cross the Queen and Prince Charles?

Dead in a tunnel.

How does a queen get around her kingdom?

She gets throne.

What is a Mexican's favorite Queen song?

I Juan to break free"

Why don't Episcopalians play chess?

They don't know the difference between a bishop and a queen

What does the Queen put on her toast?

Maamilade! Tada....... anyone? Anyone? I'll get my coat

Why was the Queen of Horses hated by her subjects?

Because she was too ahoof.

What is it called when the Queen farts?

a noble gas!

Who was the first Mexican to be knighted by the Queen?

Sir Veza

What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

We will We will Rock you!

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What is something that is always heard but never seen?

A member of the Queen's guard doing a single squat.

How is a Mac like a Queen's guard?

They're both run by Unix.

Who's gonna be the next queen of R&ampB?

I don't know yet but she's gonna be Beyondce!

Why do the bees have honey?

Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.

What will people say when Prince Charles dies?

Long live the Queen.

How would you tell if the Queen was stoned?

Her Highness will tell you

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins! (Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

Why was Cleopatra so negative?

Because she was queen of denial.

Why are kids with DS getting elected prom kings and queens?

Either way, they're going down in history.

What do they do when the Queen has a baby?

Fire a 21 gun salute. What do they do when a nun has a baby Fire the dirty old Canon.

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

What do you say when your opponent resigns after you take their queen?

Sorry mate.

What is Queen's (the band, not the monarch) favourite type of luggage?

carry ooooooooonnnn, carry ooooooonnnnnnnnnn

How do you make the king leer?

Put the queen in a bikini! (From krusty the klown)

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How many Frenchman does it take to defend France?

I don't know. They've never tried.

What's the difference between a horse and a 13 year old boy?

The horse knows when I'm grooming him.

Ship Jokes More Ship Jokes

What is a sea monster's favorite meal?

Fish and Ships

What does the European say to the black couple?

I ship them

Finland Jokes More Finland Jokes

Why does Shang Tsung always enjoy a religious song from Finland?

Because it's a Finnish hymn.

What do you call a guy who refuses to serve people from Finland at his bar?

A man with unfinnished buisness.

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

What does a skeleton use to carry his bones?

A CART-ilage

What is WRONG with you?

Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything

Earl Grey Jokes More Earl Grey Jokes

Why did Karl Marx hate Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Why didn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What do you call a fish who works for the government?

An Official.

What did the Challenger Austronaut day to his wife before he left?

You feed the kids, I'll feed the fishes."

Sail Jokes More Sail Jokes

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat?

When there's a sail on it.

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland ?

The Loch Ness Elephant !

What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

They lived hoppily ever after!