Queen Jokes

What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

50 Shades of Earl Grey

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?

They found traces of Mercury in him.

What do you get when you cross the Queen and Prince Charles?

Dead in a tunnel.

How does a queen get around her kingdom?

She gets throne.

What is a Mexican's favorite Queen song?

I Juan to break free"

Why don't Episcopalians play chess?

They don't know the difference between a bishop and a queen

What does the Queen put on her toast?

Maamilade! Tada....... anyone? Anyone? I'll get my coat

Why was the Queen of Horses hated by her subjects?

Because she was too ahoof.

What is it called when the Queen farts?

a noble gas!

Who was the first Mexican to be knighted by the Queen?

Sir Veza

What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

We will We will Rock you!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What is something that is always heard but never seen?

A member of the Queen's guard doing a single squat.

How is a Mac like a Queen's guard?

They're both run by Unix.

Who's gonna be the next queen of R&ampB?

I don't know yet but she's gonna be Beyondce!

Why do the bees have honey?

Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.

What will people say when Prince Charles dies?

Long live the Queen.

How would you tell if the Queen was stoned?

Her Highness will tell you

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins! (Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

Why was Cleopatra so negative?

Because she was queen of denial.

Why are kids with DS getting elected prom kings and queens?

Either way, they're going down in history.

What do they do when the Queen has a baby?

Fire a 21 gun salute. What do they do when a nun has a baby Fire the dirty old Canon.

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

What do you say when your opponent resigns after you take their queen?

Sorry mate.

What is Queen's (the band, not the monarch) favourite type of luggage?

carry ooooooooonnnn, carry ooooooonnnnnnnnnn

How do you make the king leer?

Put the queen in a bikini! (From krusty the klown)

You might also enjoy:

Ship Jokes More Ship Jokes

What did Lord Nelson say to his shipmates before they got on the ship?

Get on the ship

Where do you park Two Ships of Theseus?

At a Pair of Docks

12 Jokes More 12 Jokes

What's 12" long, rock hard in the morning, and makes a woman cry?

A dead baby.

What do you call 12 enchiladas?

A footilada!

Fin Jokes More Fin Jokes

Why are fish only happy inside?

They have in-door fins

What am I herring?

This scampi true! Whale I squid you not Oh cod I can't die Waterboat me You're so shellfish Fin

Australian Jokes More Australian Jokes

What does an Australian use instaed of toilet paper?

Bidet, mate.

What do Australian emos use to cut their wrists?

Rise up lights

Finland Jokes More Finland Jokes

Why should you never race with a guy from Finland?

Because they're already Finnish before the race even began

What happens when a guy from Finland dies?

He is finnished. Ha ha ha. God I am so depressed. :(

Burger King Jokes More Burger King Jokes

Why won't a woman sleep with you after a date at Burger King?

Because you have to court her before you pound her.

What does Joe Pesci order at Burger King?

An angry wopper.

England Jokes More England Jokes

What's the difference between England and Oscar Pistorius?

England gets off scott-free.

Why did Marxism never catch on in England?

Because then it'd be impossible to get proper tea.

Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why is it better to be ashy?

cause it just means you spit more fire

What's the name of the Pokemon that causes birth defects?

Zikachu