Kid Jokes

Why did the Country Bear Jamboree bear blush?

Because he was a bear a-singing. ..... I am at Disney with the kids this week...

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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How much longer?

Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant

Why don't kids at school get my sarcastic humor?

Me: Because they have boring parents, darling.

Why don't Blacks and Mexicans have babies?

Their kids would be too lazy to steal.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.

What's one thing you hated as a kid but love as an adult?

Molestation.

What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire?

Arrr son!

Why did the kid steal the fan?

He wanted to be cool.

What did the buffalo say to his kid when he sent him off to college?

Bison

Who hasn't" muttered daddy bear. "What?

You wanna do this now, in front of the kid!"

How many kids do you think Wolverine has?

Because a vasectomy would heal in seconds and he doesn't look like he'd wear a rubber or pull out.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

What'sApp Me: Mom, what's for dinner?

Mom : typing ... *gets married* *have kids* *gets old* *dies* *goes to hell* Mom: Fish, honey!

What did the cow say to the paintbrush?

Moo. As told by my kid this morning.

Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school?

Sounds like he had already done the... time

What does the kid with no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What do you call a kid that is afraid of the dark?

Racist

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?

2nd base.

What's black and white . . . What's black and white and loves kids?

Michael Jackson

How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you kidding They won't even change a five dollar bill."

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?

Because it was rated arrr!

Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

Why did the kid throw the watch out the window?

So time would fly.

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How did the date go?

Not good. Aww what went wrong -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type.

What do you think Mozart is doing right now?

Decomposing.

Shot Jokes More Shot Jokes

Why did the bros take a shot of alcohol together?

Because if one bro takes a shot, the other takes a slug! #Bromanceforlife #Dietogether

Why did Eminem make a terrible barista?

Because he kept insisting everyone only get one shot.

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

Why can't the bike stand by itself?

Because it was two-tired.

What does E.T stand for?

Because he hasn't got a chair!..... sorry.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What did the English man say when he walked in on his wife making love to three men?

Ello, 'ello, 'ello!

Why do the ladies love Jesus?

This joke makes more sense if you can see it in person, but we'll give it a shot, anyway. Use your imagination. Why do the ladies love Jesus? Because he was hung like this!

Buccan Hat Jokes More Buccan Hat Jokes

What did the kid ask the Pirate?

Kid asks, "Where are your buccaneers?" Pirate replies, "They're under my Buccan Hat!"

Where does a pirate keep his buccaneer' s?

Under his buccan-hat.

Handle Jokes More Handle Jokes

Why was the surfer such a bad cook?

All he could handle was the microwave

How do senior citizens handle indoor skydiving?

Depends

12 Jokes More 12 Jokes

Why don't girls like playing dodgeball?

Because we don't like getting hit by balls. 12: *giggles for 5 minutes* You are so my child

Why is 12 the highest number rednecks can count to?

How else would they know how many cans are in a 12 pack.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What goes ha, ha, ha, clunk?

A man laughing his head off.

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

Depends on what tune the Devil happens to be playing. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.