Kid Jokes

Why did the Country Bear Jamboree bear blush?

Because he was a bear a-singing. ..... I am at Disney with the kids this week...

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How much longer?

Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant

Why don't kids at school get my sarcastic humor?

Me: Because they have boring parents, darling.

Why don't Blacks and Mexicans have babies?

Their kids would be too lazy to steal.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.

What's one thing you hated as a kid but love as an adult?

Molestation.

What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire?

Arrr son!

Why did the kid steal the fan?

He wanted to be cool.

What did the buffalo say to his kid when he sent him off to college?

Bison

Who hasn't" muttered daddy bear. "What?

You wanna do this now, in front of the kid!"

How many kids do you think Wolverine has?

Because a vasectomy would heal in seconds and he doesn't look like he'd wear a rubber or pull out.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Coffee Mug

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

What'sApp Me: Mom, what's for dinner?

Mom : typing ... *gets married* *have kids* *gets old* *dies* *goes to hell* Mom: Fish, honey!

What did the cow say to the paintbrush?

Moo. As told by my kid this morning.

Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school?

Sounds like he had already done the... time

What does the kid with no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What do you call a kid that is afraid of the dark?

Racist

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?

2nd base.

What's black and white . . . What's black and white and loves kids?

Michael Jackson

How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you kidding They won't even change a five dollar bill."

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?

Because it was rated arrr!

Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

Why did the kid throw the watch out the window?

So time would fly.

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Peer Jokes More Peer Jokes

How about we do some peer-to-peer sharing?

Your domain or mine

What do you call two guys using the same urinal?

Peers

Peer Pressure Jokes More Peer Pressure Jokes

What do you call the feeling of being unable to urinate beside a friend?

PEEr pressure!

Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was drunk Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure

Darling Jokes More Darling Jokes

How many women have you slept with wife asked husband, "How many women have you slept with?

he proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

What happened when a man fell in love with a grand piano?

He said "Darling you've got lovely teeth."

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why does a witch wear a pointed black hat?

To keep her head warm.

Why do Transformers always have their heads in the clouds?

They're robots in da skies.

Handle Jokes More Handle Jokes

Who handles font related crimes?

A sans sheriff!

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why were the pirates on the ship fighting?

They needed better anchor management.

Why did the left alt key and the right alt key break up?

They needed some space.

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

How did a mom figure out her daughter had hit puberty?

She kept wetting the bed.

What did justin beiber say to his mom?

I FOUND MY MICROSCOPE, now all I need is my lotion and tweezers

12 Jokes More 12 Jokes

Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?

You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.

How do you get high underwater?

seaweed! lol my friends 12 yr old daughter told us this one