Leave Jokes

When will there be a woman in the White House?

A: When Hillary leaves town.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

What did granny say after leaving her handbag on a bus?

Allahu Akbar!" I'm going to hell for this.

How do you cook a stoned ham?

420F Glaze it Ok I'm leaving

Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road?

Do they really think someone will take it Do you think I should wash it first

Why did you leave your previous job?

ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

Why did the perv leave?

Because he came.

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed. I'll leave now.

What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles

Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

He left his home on the range.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what ! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

How much poutine was left after the hockey game?

Nunavet

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

How did the Idiot break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest?

Na 'ma ste

What did the couch surfing, yoga junkie say when his friend asked him to leave?

Namaste.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

How come the stadium got hot after the game?

Because all of the fans left.

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Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

Why do Italians throw pizza onto the field after they win a match?

Because they rain supreme.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!

What would Triple H and Jenna Jameson's adult film be called?

The Piledriver: No Holes Barred

Pile Jokes More Pile Jokes

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a corvette?

I don't have a corvette in my garage.

Why won't you loan a neighbor a cup of sugar?

sigh "You're a pile of ants wearing a bathrobe." bathrobe sags dejectedly

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden?

Rudolph's red hose rain gear...

What does Mrs Claus say to Santa when he's not spending enough time with her?

You're getting too wrapped up in your work!

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

Why does vampire Superman want to go out?

Because he doesn't want to be around the crypt tonight. (you can tell i made that up)

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

Thousand Jokes More Thousand Jokes

What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas Dinner?

Twerky! I thought of that yesterday, apologies if you've heard it a thousand times already.

What begins with P ends with E and has thousands of letters?

The Post Office

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch?

Because it was baked.

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

a hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What's in a white mans pants and more than 4 inches long?

Nothing

Why did u shoot ur wife ?

Judge:why did u shoot ur wife instead of shootingher lover Methew:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.