Leave Jokes

When will there be a woman in the White House?

A: When Hillary leaves town.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What did granny say after leaving her handbag on a bus?

Allahu Akbar!" I'm going to hell for this.

How do you cook a stoned ham?

420F Glaze it Ok I'm leaving

Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road?

Do they really think someone will take it Do you think I should wash it first

Why did you leave your previous job?

ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

Why did the perv leave?

Because he came.

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed. I'll leave now.

What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles

Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

He left his home on the range.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what ! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

How much poutine was left after the hockey game?

Nunavet

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How did the Idiot break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest?

Na 'ma ste

What did the couch surfing, yoga junkie say when his friend asked him to leave?

Namaste.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

How come the stadium got hot after the game?

Because all of the fans left.

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Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

What time is our movie tonight?

Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

Why did you leave me here all alone?

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why do people always ask me for directions?

I have no clue where I am going. I am sure i have sent 100's of people into the ocean.

What did Mr T say when asked if he had any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir, three bags, fool.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

Why did Sarah fall out of the tree?

Because she had no arms. Knock-knock! "Who's there " Not Sarah.

Who hits the ground first?

Better question would be: Why were they in the tree in the first place?

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Whats better than winning silver at the paralympics?

Not being a cripple.

What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics?

Walking

Pile Jokes More Pile Jokes

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a corvette?

I don't have a corvette in my garage.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves?

Russel.

Green Jokes More Green Jokes

What do you call a color-blind pop artist?

See No Green

Why did the old man get kicked off the nudist colony's golf course?

He kept leaving ball marks on the greens.

Teddy Bear Jokes More Teddy Bear Jokes

What did the teddy bear say after dinner?

I'm stuffed."

Why do you never see a Teddy bear ordering dessert?

Cus they are always stuffed.

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What do you call an Irishman who sits on the porch all year round?

Patty O'Furnature

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he saw this year's Oscar nominees?

All white, all white, all whiiiiiiiite...