Leave Jokes

When will there be a woman in the White House?

A: When Hillary leaves town.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did granny say after leaving her handbag on a bus?

Allahu Akbar!" I'm going to hell for this.

How do you cook a stoned ham?

420F Glaze it Ok I'm leaving

Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road?

Do they really think someone will take it Do you think I should wash it first

Why did you leave your previous job?

ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

Why did the perv leave?

Because he came.

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed. I'll leave now.

What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles

Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

He left his home on the range.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what ! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

How much poutine was left after the hockey game?

Nunavet

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How did the Idiot break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest?

Na 'ma ste

What did the couch surfing, yoga junkie say when his friend asked him to leave?

Namaste.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

How come the stadium got hot after the game?

Because all of the fans left.

You might also enjoy:

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

How do trees encourage one another?

They say "I'm rooting for you"

What is green and pecks on trees ?

Woody Wood Pickle !

Old Man Jokes More Old Man Jokes

How do u find an old man in the dark?

Its not that hard

What did the old man get for his birthday?

Cancer.

Emo Kid Jokes More Emo Kid Jokes

Why did the emo kid leave the bar?

It was happy hour.

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and cry.

Pete Jokes More Pete Jokes

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?

Pete.

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?

Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years Pete.

Happy Hour Jokes More Happy Hour Jokes

Why don't bars in London have Happy Hour?

They're in Greenwich Mean Time.

Why did the emo kid leave the bar?

It was happy hour.

Thousand Jokes More Thousand Jokes

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?

The candle is a thousand times brighter!

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

Why did the black boy fall off his bike?

He didn't. He fell off your bike.

Russell Jokes More Russell Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms or legs playing in the leaves?

Russell.

What do you call a man who wears crisp packets as trousers?

Russell.