Vegetarian Jokes

What do you call a vegetarian with bad gas?

A leaf blower

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What does a person with no arms and a guy dating a vegetarian have in common?

They both get toe food

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

A salad shooter.

What's a Monk's favorite breakfast food?

Well, they're vegetarians so probably not what you're thinking...

What do Driving Testers and Vegetarians have in common?

They are both very pedantic

What did Darth Vader say to the vegetarian stormtrooper?

I find your lack of steak disturbing."

What do you call a Korean with a dog?

vegetarian. For the record, I'm Korean and have a dog haha.

What do you call an Chinese family with a pet dog?

Vegetarians. Source: I'm Chinese.

How do you know if someone is a vegetarian?

He is going to tell you.

How do you know who in the room is a vegetarian?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What do you call an asian walking a dog?

A vegetarian.

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What do you call a Chinese man with a pet cat?

A vegetarian.

What do call you someone who feeds on comatose patients and pizza?

A vegetarian.

What do vegetarian zombies want?

Graaaaiiiiinss!

What do you call a vegetarian?

A hopeless romaine-tic

What did the vegetarian do to get ripped?

He juiced...

How do you know when there's a vegetarian at your bbq?

They'll tell you.

What kind of joke do you tell to a vegetarian?

One they've never herbivore.

How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?

He became a vegetarian.

What's the secret to a long life?

I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"

What do Native Americans call vegetarians?

Poor hunters

What was the cannibal's favorite part about the Vegetarian dish?

The Vegetarian

How can you tell if a person is a vegetarian?

Don't worry. They'll tell you they're a vegetarian.

Who are the hamburgers favourite people?

Vegetarians!

What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Grrrrrainnnnnssss.

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What city will Leo Dicaprio never visit ?

Osaka.

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

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What do you call a vegetarian with bad gas?

A leaf blower

Why has Venus been so distant lately?

Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

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How long has your car been doing that?

Me: Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.

Why is it so hard to get to know Guantanamo Bay detainees?

Because they're too cagey.

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What beverage does Bruce Lee like to drink?

WAA-TAA!

What kind of wine does Bruce Lee pair with a fish dinner?

None, he just has some WATAH!

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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in zero lightbulbs?

Indeterminate

How could you tell that the figure skater was a mathematician?

Because of the Fibonacci sequins.

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What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?

Damn!

Why are Ethopians so fit?

Because they have to run around in the shower to get wet.

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What kind of animal can record video?

A cam-el. Get it, because a camera records things and a camel is a animal.

What do you call a Korean with a dog?

vegetarian. For the record, I'm Korean and have a dog haha.

Lack Jokes More Lack Jokes

Why did Shrodinger's girlfriend dump him?

Because she didn't like his lack of commitment

What do you call a god who lacks self-confidence?

An atheist. He doesn't really believe in himself.