Birth Jokes

What do you call the birth of a lie?

Myth-conception

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What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

What is it called when someone gives birth to a 40 year old man?

A midwife crisis

How does a mermaid give birth?

By sea-section!

What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?

Bedlam

How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?

It is now a parent.

What do you call a veal-birthing cow?

De-calf

Why didn't the mother splinter call her son on his birth-day?

Because he's a little prick!

How does a woman go about inventing a lightbulb?

She gives birth to a son.

What do you call a cow that has given birth?

Decalfinated.

What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth?

One was planned.

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What day do most mothers give birth?

Labor day.

How does a woman go about inventing something?

She gives birth to a boy.

How do mermaids give birth?

Via Sea-Section

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

What does a goat have when it gives birth?

A kid.

What is the height of honesty?

A: A pregnant lady takes one and a half ticket in the bus Q: What is the height of dishonesty A: She gives birth to twins

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out?

I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.

Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?

She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"

What hurts more giving birth or being kicked in the balls?

A women will normally want more children after a year or two. No man has ever wanted another kick in the balls. Case closed.

How do you explain a man birthing a baby?

Taco bell for lunch

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What its the difference between a quarter and a guy? Neither gets had when you want tail

What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs hanging over a window?

Kurt and Rod

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What do you call people who use the pull out method?

Parents

Why don't you see any transgendered parents?

Because they're trans-parent

Personality Jokes More Personality Jokes

What does an IT guys use for birth control?

His personality.

How do you determine the personality of a hot dog?

Give it an Oscar-Myers-Briggs test

Water Birth Jokes More Water Birth Jokes

What's the term for when the pool breaks during water birth?

A midwife crisis.

What does a black women do after having a water birth?

Flush the toilet.

Sheep Jokes More Sheep Jokes

What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?

Microphones!

How do you make a sheep jump off a cliff?

Put a redneck behind it.

69 Jokes More 69 Jokes

What is the square root of 69?

Ate Something! ("8 something", actually 8.306)

What do you call 69-ing in China?

Tu Can Chu

Sea Section Jokes More Sea Section Jokes

How does a mermaid give birth?

By sea-section!

How do mermaids have babies?

Sea-sections

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why did Burger King decide to partner with Dairy Queen instead of McDonalds?

Because she unwrapped his Whopper. I'm so sorry!!!

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?

A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.