Guy Jokes

What did the right testlcle say to the left?

Look at this guy in the middle trying to act all hard

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Why do they put chicken wire around these plants?

Other guy:" To protect the chicken plants"

Where were u on the nite of the 5th?

Stabbing a guy. "Louder for the tape." leans in Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie.

Why did the guy that owned a chocolate building bang his mom?

Because he had an edible complex.

What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?

A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, "So, what did she say?

I'm funny that way.

What does an IT guys use for birth control?

His personality.

What does a guy want more than anything in the world?

It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first.

What is white and gold and black and blue?

A blonde in a physically abusive relationship. See you guys in hell.

Why couldn't the guy with insomnia have an affair with anyone's wife?

Because he couldn't sleep with anyone.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Coffee Mug

What is it called when 5 girls get into bed with one guy?

A "no one will ever believe me".

What do guys like but are afraid of?

Girls

What happend to the guys who kidnapped Batman?

They got Bale.

How do you call the guy who immigrates to Saudi Arabia?

Wannabee Wahhabi.

Why did the blonde go to church?

B/c she heard there was a guy hung like this(https://riverchurchtelford.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus.jpg)

What do you guys think of message boards?

I'm all forum.

What can guys call it?

How about bleeding white

What have you tried so far?

Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing

Who won the Battle of the Bulge?

The guy with the bulge in his sock ...

What's your spirit animal?

An eagle. They're so majestic." MEANWHILE Horse: hey eagle, what's your spirit human Eagle: this guy Dave

What happens when you mock the host of Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives?

The guy gets fierious.

What do you call a guy who is in color guard?

A flaggot

What did the guy say when he found out that his wife's breast s had implants?

THOSE ARE SILLY CONES"

What do you call it when guys find older women unusually attractive?

The Stunning-Cougar Effect.

What happens when a guy with no legs dies?

He punches the bucket

What are you guys yelling about?

them: YOU'RE DRIVING

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

They say he made a mint.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?

Neither did he.

Two guys walk into a bar . . .

The first guy says "Ouch!" and the second says "Yeah, I didn't see it either."

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Uncle Jokes More Uncle Jokes

Why was the baby ant confused?

Because all of it's Uncles were Aunts(Ants)

Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?

It takes too long to hollow out her head. (I got this one from my uncle)

Mercede Jokes More Mercede Jokes

Why did the rich guy crash his car?

He wanted to see how the Mercedes bends

What's the difference between a Mercedes and a bunch of dead babies?

I don't have a Mercedes in my garage.

Long Time Jokes More Long Time Jokes

What do you call a virus named Enza that causes the flu?

a flu Enza. Thanks a lot everyone, I looked forward to this day for a long time.

How long you two been married?

It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.

Basketball Team Jokes More Basketball Team Jokes

What do you call 5 black guys and a white guy?

A basketball team. What do you call 9 black guys and a white guy? A baseball team. What do you call 11 black guys and a white guy? A football team. What do you call 100 black guys and a white guy? A cell block

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

Her: Because she had heard that the mayor was going to lay a cornerstone and she wanted to see if he could really do it.

What was 2016?

The best joke I've ever heard!

Black Guy Jokes More Black Guy Jokes

What do you call two black guys walking down the street?

Nothing. Are you racist or something?

What do you call a black guy who can fly a plane?

A pilot what else would you call him? You racist prick!

Blue House Jokes More Blue House Jokes

Who lives there?

The yellow man lives in the yellow house. The purple man lives in the purple house. The red man in the red house. And the blue man in the blue house. So who lives in the White House? The black man. It's better in person, I'm so sorry.

Who lives in the green house?

Me: I don't know Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house? Me: The red guy Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house? Me: The blue guy Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house? Me: The yellow guy Her: Who lives in the white house? Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out: The black guy!!

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What do you do when you get to the top of the world's tallest mountain?

Have a rest. (Everest, get it?) Really awful joke, but I thought of it last night and was wondering if anyone recognised it? Who knows, it might be original....

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.