Hold Jokes

How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to hold it one to hammer it in.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

How many feminists does it take screw in a lightbulb?

One she holds it in the socket and waited for the world to revolve around her.

How do you give a quadriplegic a headache?

Ask him to hold open the elevator door

What did the priest announce before he went for a bath?

Speak now or forever hold your pee!"

What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands?

He brought it to school and said 'An Ape-lle for the teacher!'

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

How many teenage girls does it take to screw..... in a lightbulb?

Just one to hold it up as the whole world revolves around her.

What is the most offensive joke you know?

I'm bored tonight and I have a no holds barred sense of humour. What are some of your worst

How does an SJW screw in a light-bulb?

Zir holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around zirself.

What do you get when you hold two green balls tightly in your hand?

A leprachaun's undivided attention.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why couldn't Elsa hold on to a balloon?

She would always let it go.

How many men does it take to make popcorn?

Four one to hold the pot and three to act macho and shake the stove.

Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy?

They wanted to give credit where credit was due.

What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!"

What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it?

DOG: YES! HOW'D HE FETCH IT BEFORE ME

What do you say to the teenage mutant ninja turtle Raphael when he is holding a miniature version of his weapons?

Those are the wrong Sais

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the world to revolve around them

How many BLM protestors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one to hold the bulb while the world revolves around them.

What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?

I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...

Why did the belt go to prison?

He held up a pair of pants!

Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?

To hold his pants up.

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Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many teens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but you need a really big lightbulb.

How many feminists does it take to screw a vegan?

Lightbulb.

Camera Jokes More Camera Jokes

Why did the Caucasian gymnast fall off the balance beam while on television?

Because the white balance was off on the camera.

What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer?

By selling your camera.

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

What does an Irishman have for dinner?

A: Starvation. Q: And what does he have for dessert A: Ethnic cleansing.

What do you call a wrecked Irishman?

A mashed potato.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why should you try to date girls you meet at the gym?

Because you already know she'll work out.

How do you know you're at a redneck wedding?

Everybody is sitting on the same side of the church

World Jokes More World Jokes

What is the fastest animal in the world?

The Ethiopian chicken.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change lightbulb?

One. He just stands there with the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.

Comcast Jokes More Comcast Jokes

Why did North Korea lose Internet?

Because they switched to Comcast.

Why is the founder of Comcast going to purgatory?

He met St. Peter at the pearly gates and St. Peter said was, "Please hold. Your soul is very important to us."

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What did Ernie say when his friend tried to convince him he was ice cream?

Are you surebert?

Why are men afraid of the world?

They spend 9 months trying to get out of a woman and the rest of their life trying to get back in.

Bulb Jokes More Bulb Jokes

How many white people does it take to replace a light bulb?

One to hold the bulb, and the rest to screw the whole world.

How many country stars does it take to change a light bulb?

Six-1 to change the bulb and 5 to sing about how much they miss the old one.