Survive Jokes

Who survives?

America.

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What is the best pickup line for Rwandans?

Congratulations! Your parents survived the genocide!"

What do you call LeVar Burton that survived months of being lost in the wilderness?

Geordi La Forage

Who survived?

The pilot who jumped out with a parachute.

Why is pulling out 100% effective for superman?

They never survive the 1000ft fall to earth.

This joke may have profanity.

What animal can only survive in temperate climates?

A lukeworm.

What human organ would survive the longest in the hunger games?

The liver

How is the 85 year old Contractor that survived lung cancer doing?

Asbestos he can. I'm so sorry.

How did the autistic boy survive his jump from a plane?

He was retarded

Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?

This guy!!!

How are college students like plants?

They both need natural light to survive!

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What do you call a soldier who survives mustard gas and pepper spray attacks?

A seasoned veteran.

How did Bilbo survive the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

What do you call a soldier who survives Mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?

Aarrrrrrr Kelly!

What happens when an American has a heart attack and survives?

A 'murical.

What kind of bug can survive all winter?

A bahumbug!

How did Warren Buffets company survive the economic meltdown?

It's a trade secret, but don't worry, Berkshire Hathaway

What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

What did the man who survived a javelin headwound say to his opponent?

Thanks for opening my mind.

Why is a room of 50 doctors safer than a room with 1000 doctors?

You can't survive in 1000 degrees. *credit to my friend Neriah.

What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas?

A seasoned veteran

What is the difference between British and American schoolchildren?

British schoolchildren survive hide-and-seek.

What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?

Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.

Why would atomic weapons be useless against Turkish rebels?

Because roaches can survive nuclear radiation.

What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale?

The Juan who lived.

Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash?

Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess.

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Thumb Jokes More Thumb Jokes

Who's got two thumbs and finds this joke funny?

Not this guy!" -Thumb amputee victim

Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?

This guy!!!

Bilbo Jokes More Bilbo Jokes

How did Bilbo survive the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

How does Bilbo take his tea?

Bag-in

Wilderness Jokes More Wilderness Jokes

What do you call LeVar Burton that survived months of being lost in the wilderness?

Geordi La Forage

What do you call an actor who has given up civilized life and gone to live in the wilderness?

Will Feral. Edit: I tried

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What animal is best at playing hide and seek?

The airplane.

Where do animals go when their tails falls off?

The retail store

College Student Jokes More College Student Jokes

Why do college students already get up at 7?

Because the supermarket closes at 7:30

What is the difference between a camel and a college student?

Camel can go days without drinking!

Good Pickup Line Jokes More Good Pickup Line Jokes

What is the best pickup line for Rwandans?

Congratulations! Your parents survived the genocide!"

What's a good pickup line in a New Age bar?

I bet it's really nice to be Enya.

Hunger Game Jokes More Hunger Game Jokes

What human organ would survive the longest in the hunger games?

The liver

What are all sports in Africa called?

The hunger games

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, One to hold the light and, one to drink until the room starts spinning!

What does Bruce Lee drink when he's thirsty?

Wa-TAH!