Wipe Jokes

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

He wiped his bum.

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What does a cannibal do after dumping their girlfriend?

They wipe, flush, and wash their hands

What's it called when you're using Tinder on the toilet?

Swiping and wiping.

What does a Russian use to wipe their mouth?

a soviet

Which hand did Henry VIII use to wipe his bottom with?

Anne Boleyn's.

What's the best way to wipe a computer server?

A cloth.

What do the U.S.S. Enterprise and Toilet Paper have in common?

They both wipe out Klingons.

What did the cannibal do after dumping her boyfriend?

She wiped her arse.

How do you troll someone?

Make them wipe their screen because they think text is a smudge.

How does the blind man know when to stop wiping his arse?

I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

Why do we call it toilet paper?

Does anyone wipe their toilet with it

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What do you call using Tinder while you are in the bathroom?

A swipe and wipe.

Who will I share the sunset with now?

sobs* Friend: Bad breakup Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.

What did Van Gogh's mother say to him when he was sad?

Wipe away those ears.

What do you call it when you keep wiping but brown still shows?

The Trail of Smears

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

What's this?

Me: A napkin holder K: What's a napkin M: You wipe your hands on it when they're dirty K: You mean like the couch M: ...

How the rap feud started Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party?

2pac: sure, no biggie Biggieeavesdropping: wipes tears

What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife?

Oh, you don't know I won't ask you to wipe my bum then.

What does Magneto do when his computer gets dirty?

He wipes the hard drive.

What hand do you wipe with?

Answer: left or right Response: why not use toilet paper

What does German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer call it when he takes a dump and there is nothing on the toilet paper after wiping?

A clean sheet.

What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?

Pages from *Reader's Digest*

Where did you learn to do that?

Don't wipe boogers on Mommy's pillow! Wipe it on Daddy's

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What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.

Klingon Jokes More Klingon Jokes

How fast can Klingon's run?

About Warf speed. My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.

What is another term for ob gyn?

A Klingon! since obstetrician gynaecologist is too long, and OB GYN doesn't make sense ,lets call them Klingons

Sob Jokes More Sob Jokes

What is it that you are both most fearful of?

WIFE: I just...sobbing...don't want the kids to suffer ME: Eels

Who will I share the sunset with now?

sobs* Friend: Bad breakup Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.

Wash Jokes More Wash Jokes

How does a Reaver clean his spear?

He puts it in the Wash.

Why did God invent women?

You think he's gonna wash the dishes

Tinder Jokes More Tinder Jokes

What is Antarctica's version of tinder called?

Pick up a penguin

Why did the seal make a Tinder account?

To find a Significant Otter.

Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?

Gladiator Get it? Glad He Ate Her..

What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?

His desk is level

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food?

He wanted something to get his teeth into.

Who is the prettiest of my friends?

Me: your mother, why W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why do people get addicted to meth?

Because they didn't think of the aftermeth.

What do you think of this, you spin really fast and I'll fly a kite from the wind you make?

I'm not a big fan."