Summer Jokes

What's a hipsters favorite season?

Summer, they like it before it's cool

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What do you call a 3 legged cow named Summer in the winter?

Summer...Her name's summer.

Where did the cantaloupe go for summer vacation?

John Cougar Mellencamp

How does ISIS cool down in the summer time?

In a blow up pool

Why does Mexico always underperform in the summer olympics?

Because everyone that can run, swim or jump is in USA.

Why does England always get attacked in the summer?

Because the Knights are shorter then.

Which phone??

Person 1 : Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2 : Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1 : So what about summers then? Person 2 : Same, it freezes often as well

Why did Mother Nature trip the last day of summer?

To make it Fall.

How did Jesus get his beach bod for the summer?

Cross fit

Why did the hipster where a toque in the summer?

So he could say he wore it before it was cool.

What do you call a hypnotist that works with wealthy children during the summer?

an heir conditioner.

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What do you call an orange cat in summer?

Shedder Cheese!

Where do young cantaloupes go in the summer?

John Cougar's Melon Camp

What did the bear do to be labeled a hipster?

He hibernated in the summer.

Why doesn't Mexico have a team in the summer Olympics?

Because all the ones who can run, jump or swim are ready in the US.

Where do kids with ADHD go for the summer?

Concentration camp.

What do you call a snowman in the summer?

A puddle"

What game do 18 dogs like to play during the summer?

Woofleball

How does a detective stay cool in hot summer?

He works on a cold case.

Why did the German boy go to Summer camp?

I don't know he did notsay!

Where do pirates go in the summer?

In ARRgentina.

What was the almond tree doing all damn summer long?

Nuttin'

How many tax advisors does it take to change a light bulb?

In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in Hawaii dealing exactly with this issue."

What are the hottest days during summer?

Sun-days

Why does Drake hate summer?

Because you start wearing less and going out more

Where do admins go for summer break?

Banned camp.

Why is a dog so warm in Summer?

He wears a coat and pants.

Where did the ADHD kid spend his summer?

Dark) At a concentration camp.

Why do mathematicians think that spring is summer?

It's not their fault. May tricks them.

What did one tornado say to the other?

A. "Let's twist again like we did last summer...."

What do triangles do in the summer?

They tan.

What dance do you do when summer is over?

Tango (tan go).

What did the bee to the other bee in summer ?

Swarm here isn't it !

What did you learn at summer camp?

KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods

Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer?

He liked wearing scarves before it got cool.

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Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?

He's always nailed to the boards....

What did Jesus do to lose weight?

Crossfit

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out?

A Peter Parka

What do you call jeans that haven't been worn before?

Vir-jeans

Freeze Jokes More Freeze Jokes

How do you make a dog go meow?

Freeze it and run it through a bandsaw. MEEEOWW!!

Why did the blonde freeze a pot of boiling water?

Because you never know when you're going to need some boiling water.

Cantaloupe Jokes More Cantaloupe Jokes

Why do melons have traditional marriages?

Because they cantaloupe

Why do melons insist on having big weddings?

Because they just cantaloupe.

Hipster Jokes More Hipster Jokes

How did the hipster break his neck?

He jump off the diving board before it was pool.

Why do hipsters prefer to drink their PBR warm?

So that they can say they liked it before it was cool.

3 Jokes More 3 Jokes

Where do people go when they die?

Me: Heaven. 3: I don't want to go there. Me: Why not 3: It's full of dead people.

How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?

A. 3. 1 to find the bulb 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.

Accord Jokes More Accord Jokes

Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?

Samsung Note 7 , according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.

Mexico Jokes More Mexico Jokes

Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?

They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

What do you call a can made in Mexico?

A Mexican.