Porpoise Jokes

He had a ruff week.. His life wasn't purrfect. His brother was a shellout. His mother's been a real crab lately. His family was really shellfish. He had no porpoise in life.

What did the nihilistic sea world trainer say to his boss?

There is no porpoise."

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

A: I didn't do it on porpoise.

Why couldn't the dolphin choose a career?

She had no sense of porpoise.

What do Plains Native Americans have in common with moderately sized sea dwelling mammals?

For all in tents and porpoises, they're constantly moving.

Why did the marine biologist jump off a bridge?

He lost his porpoise in life.

What did the depressed dolphin say?

I need a porpoise.

What's the big deal?

It's not like I did it on porpoise!

Why was the dolphin keeper depressed?

Because he had no porpoise.

What did the dolphin king say at the funeral of his faithful servant?

You have served your porpoise.

How do Dolphins live their lives?

With a porpoise.

What did the dolphin say to the other dolphin after he splashed him?

Hey! You did that on porpoise!"

What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire?

They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises.

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

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Brother Jokes More Brother Jokes

What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!"

What is faster than a black person with your TV ?

His brother with your DVD player.

Trouble Jokes More Trouble Jokes

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual."

Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

Doubt Jokes More Doubt Jokes

What the hell is albatrout?

That's not real. 10yo: Now you're in doubt! Me: But... 10yo: ALBATROUT

Why did the dolphin go to church?

He was looking for a porpoise. (thought this one up but I doubt I was the first one that did.)

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why was the fruit farmer losing money?

He couldn't grow a pear

How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it?

Just another reason to teach your cat to read.

Lack Jokes More Lack Jokes

What's a crackhead with no drugs?

Crack-a-lacking

What did the tomato say to the ear of corn?

Nothing, as tomatoes lack any ability to communicate.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Antelopes

Dolphin Jokes More Dolphin Jokes

Why did the dolphin get a fair trial?

Because Habeas Porpoise.

What did the dolphin say when he got in trouble?

I didn't do it on Porpoise!!"

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his cup of free-trade coffee?

Because he started drinking it before it was cool.

What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?

Electricity.