Knife Jokes

How many Gordon Ramseys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, he lets the knives do the work

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What did the knife say to the potato?

Now I've got to cut you.

What's the different between a knife and a feminist?

A knife has a point

Why did I carve a heart with me and my boyfriends initials into a tree?

To sharpen the knife

What is the best way to cut a mango?

With a knife!

What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed?

So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?

What is another name for a knife?

A chopstick!

Why are nuns like a brand new TV?

You need a knife to get in the box.

Whats the fastest way to a women's heart?

A Knife

Why did the chicken cross the road with a knife?

Because it saw Lena Dunham on the other side.

Why does a redneck hold a knife while driving?

So he can cut corners.

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What did the knife say to the pretty lady?

Nothing, she knew what was coming...

What the quickest way to a mans heart?

Though his chest with a knife

What did the cake say to the knife?

You want a piece of me !

What's with the knives?

Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

What's the most useless thing about a knife?

The 'K'

How do you separate two blind people fighting?

You just simply shout: "I'm supporting the one with the knife!"

Why should you always carry a knife around?

Because sharp wits won't always give you the edge.

Why was the cutting board?

The knife was really dull

What's the fastest way to get to a woman's heart?

A knife.

What do you call the science of knives?

Cutting edge technology.

What makes you think this is steak?

While I stroked his thigh with a knife.

How'd you know?

P: *sees knife in my back* I'm good

Why did the knife quit?

It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! Skip

What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife?

Ceasar

What is the difference between arguing with a knife and arguing with your girlfriend?

The knife has a point.

Why does a Belgian have a knife in his car?

To cut the corners!

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

Why do you carry a knife?

Me: A sword is harder to hide.

What's 7 inches and makes women submissive?

A knife.

Why did the two knives go to the dance together?

Because they both looked sharp!

What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife?

Oh, you don't know I won't ask you to wipe my bum then.

Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?

The knife just wasn't cutting it.

What does stormtrooper armor protect against, exactly?

Knives

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Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What cuts four farts in the morning, two farts at midday, and three farts in the evening?

A sphinxter.

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with?

I asked, "What " He said, "Little Caesars!"

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?

The position of the dirtbag.

What's the difference between a tiger and a lion ?

A tiger has the mane part missing !

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

What do you call a chicken with no neck?

A Hic. ----- wife hit me with this one today. Remove the n. E. C. And k. From chicken and it spells hic. I'm sorry Reddit.

What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy ?

You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours !"

Woman Argument Jokes More Woman Argument Jokes

What's the difference between a women's argument and a knife?

The knife has a point !

What's the difference between a woman's argument and a knife?

A knife has a point.

Fast Way Jokes More Fast Way Jokes

What's the fastest way to make your trousers fall down?

Lusain Belt

What's the fastest way to lose a few pounds?

Exit the European Union.

Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

Why are we at the vet?

Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch

What do pigs do on nice afternoons?

They go on pignics.

Corner Jokes More Corner Jokes

Why aren't there any Wal-Marts in the middle east?

Because there's a Target on every corner

Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

There was a face off in the corner

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas?

He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!

What happened to the man running in front of a car?

He got tired. The man running behind the car -- he got exhausted.