Marriage Jokes

What are the three rings of marriage?

The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

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What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

Let's knot."

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

What two words result in the most marriages?

Screw it. EDIT: has a better answer lol

What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage?

A degree in law.

Why is marriage like thin toilet paper?

Because you end up with a ring on your finger.

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.

How is marriage and CPR training the same?

You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

Why is 1 disapproving of 6?

That one doesn't believe in six before marriage.

What starts out happy but ends in tears?

Marriage

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What's the difference between a princess and a witch?

2 years of marriage.

What did the snake priest say to the snake groom after the marriage?

You may now "hiss" the bride.

What's common between Marriage & a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage?

1) The engagement ring 2) The wedding ring 3) The suffering

What mistake did the chronometer make while it was getting along well with the digital watch?

It asked the digital watch for its hand in marriage.

Why don't people get married in North Korea?

Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw.

What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards?

In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade.

What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage?

The energy bill ...

How is a marriage like a hot bath?

A: Once you get used to it it's not so hot.

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?

After the ring, you wake up!

What's common between Marriage &amp a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

Why did the Arabic man ask for her hand in marriage?

Because she stole his heart

Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?

Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before marriage?

Feyonce

Why did the marriage between the crab and the shrimp end in a divorce?

Because they were both too Shellfish.

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?

Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

Why does mom always yell at you?

Me: Marriage is complicated. 4: Is it because you're stupid

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

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Law Jokes More Law Jokes

What do a slinky and your mother in law have in common?

They're both fun to watch tumble down stairs.

What does a Gorilla attorney study?

The Law of the jungle!

End Jokes More End Jokes

What word starts with N, ends with R, and you never wanna call a black guy?

Neighour

What did the dog say when he chased his tail?

This is the end.

Result Jokes More Result Jokes

What is the best definition of irony?

irony irne/ noun a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result.

What does the result of this election and Netflix have in common?

Orange is the new Black

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many flys does it to take screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.

How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, One to hold the light and, one to drink until the room starts spinning!

Dissolve Jokes More Dissolve Jokes

What do you call a liquid that spent all its money dissolving solute?

insolvent

What do you get when you dissolve Zyklon B into Israel's water supply?

A final solution

Olive Oyl Jokes More Olive Oyl Jokes

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

What part of Popeye has the smoothest skin?

The part he dips in Olive Oyl.

Stoner Jokes More Stoner Jokes

Why did the stoner cross the road?

A: Who else would follow a chicken

Why do stoners spend so much money?

because they're high rollers

Wanna Jokes More Wanna Jokes

What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?

You wanna pizza me !

What did the pedophiliac rabbi say to the young boy?

Hey there little boy, you wanna BUY some candy?