Marriage Jokes

What are the three rings of marriage?

The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

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What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

Let's knot."

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

What two words result in the most marriages?

Screw it. EDIT: has a better answer lol

What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage?

A degree in law.

Why is marriage like thin toilet paper?

Because you end up with a ring on your finger.

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.

How is marriage and CPR training the same?

You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

Why is 1 disapproving of 6?

That one doesn't believe in six before marriage.

What starts out happy but ends in tears?

Marriage

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What's the difference between a princess and a witch?

2 years of marriage.

What did the snake priest say to the snake groom after the marriage?

You may now "hiss" the bride.

What's common between Marriage & a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage?

1) The engagement ring 2) The wedding ring 3) The suffering

What mistake did the chronometer make while it was getting along well with the digital watch?

It asked the digital watch for its hand in marriage.

Why don't people get married in North Korea?

Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw.

What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards?

In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade.

What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage?

The energy bill ...

How is a marriage like a hot bath?

A: Once you get used to it it's not so hot.

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?

After the ring, you wake up!

What's common between Marriage &amp a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

Why did the Arabic man ask for her hand in marriage?

Because she stole his heart

Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?

Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before marriage?

Feyonce

Why did the marriage between the crab and the shrimp end in a divorce?

Because they were both too Shellfish.

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?

Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

Why does mom always yell at you?

Me: Marriage is complicated. 4: Is it because you're stupid

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

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Wanna Jokes More Wanna Jokes

How do you propose to a stoner?

Marriage, you wanna

How Many Kids With A.D.D Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

Wanna go ride bikes??

Propose Jokes More Propose Jokes

What did the melon tell her boyfriend when he proposed?

Yes but we cantaloupe.

Which his guide had proposed to climb. - Do people tumble down often here?

No, the guide said, one time is usually enough.

Law Jokes More Law Jokes

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What do you call a psychic midget on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

Form Jokes More Form Jokes

What did Noah do with all the poop?

Threw it overboard. it formed the UK. Taken from here:

What do you call a perfect society formed by an Asian?

A Yutopia

Result Jokes More Result Jokes

How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One but don't expect results.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

Why do hummingbirds hum?

They don't know the words.

Dissolve Jokes More Dissolve Jokes

Which one dissolves?

The polar bear, because he's polar!

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.

Knot Jokes More Knot Jokes

Why do dogs make good sailors?

They know their knots.

What kind of knots only exist in space?

Astro-knots.