Marriage Jokes

What are the three rings of marriage?

The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

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What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

Let's knot."

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

What two words result in the most marriages?

Screw it. EDIT: has a better answer lol

What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage?

A degree in law.

Why is marriage like thin toilet paper?

Because you end up with a ring on your finger.

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.

How is marriage and CPR training the same?

You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

Why is 1 disapproving of 6?

That one doesn't believe in six before marriage.

What starts out happy but ends in tears?

Marriage

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What's the difference between a princess and a witch?

2 years of marriage.

What did the snake priest say to the snake groom after the marriage?

You may now "hiss" the bride.

What's common between Marriage & a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage?

1) The engagement ring 2) The wedding ring 3) The suffering

What mistake did the chronometer make while it was getting along well with the digital watch?

It asked the digital watch for its hand in marriage.

Why don't people get married in North Korea?

Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw.

What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards?

In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade.

What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage?

The energy bill ...

How is a marriage like a hot bath?

A: Once you get used to it it's not so hot.

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?

After the ring, you wake up!

What's common between Marriage &amp a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

Why did the Arabic man ask for her hand in marriage?

Because she stole his heart

Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?

Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before marriage?

Feyonce

Why did the marriage between the crab and the shrimp end in a divorce?

Because they were both too Shellfish.

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?

Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

Why does mom always yell at you?

Me: Marriage is complicated. 4: Is it because you're stupid

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

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End Jokes More End Jokes

Why did the Kenyans win the marathon?

They heard there was water at the end

Why was Jon Snow looking for an iWatch charger?

Because now his watch has ended.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why did the mortgage broker go out of business?

Because he lost interest.

Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail?

To the retail store!

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

What's scarier then ten babies in one jar?

A: One baby in ten jars How do you got a baby in a container A: blend it.

Inherit Jokes More Inherit Jokes

Why did Darwin love CSS?

Because children inherit properties from their parents.

How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

You're still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!"

Ring Jokes More Ring Jokes

What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am?

It's your dad.

What do you want for your birthday this year?

Vanessa: I want a divorce! Kobe: I wasn't planning on spending that much this year. Here's another ring.

Melon Jokes More Melon Jokes

Why did the melon have commitment issues?

Because he cantaloupe

Why are melons so lonely?

Because they cantaloupe

Knot Jokes More Knot Jokes

What did the shoelace say when I tried to tie it?

Uh, like, can you knot?

Why do dogs make good sailors?

They know their knots.

Degree Jokes More Degree Jokes

What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage?

A degree in law.

What do you call a scientific measuring instrument with degrees?

A graduated cylinder. This is the only joke I've ever thought of.