Save Jokes

How does a Nun save herself from being poisoned?

Nun chucks.

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What's the difference between Joe Paterno and Harambe?

Harambe tried to save the kids.

What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?

God save the kin Happy Thanksgiving!

Why is it worse this time around?

Thermal cameras mean I can't save anyone by hiding them in my roof.

Why Did Superman Save a Burning Chemistry Lab?

He was trying to save Krypton

Why was Simba unable to save his dad in the Lion King?

He couldnt Mufasa enough.

Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy?

He was too far out, man.

How do you save a pirate's life?

C P Arrr!

Why would I donate 2 to save a kid's life?

I'd rather spend that 2 on a condom to prevent a kid's life.

This joke may have profanity.

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ?

It saves so much time.

Who is saved?

America

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Who get saved?

The United States of America

How do french thank who save their files?

Merci backup.

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

How do you save a suicidal procrastinator?

Tell them it can probably wait 'til tomorrow.

Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar?

So he could save his stool.

What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (jesus christ this one's even worse than the last)

Why is Hannibal so rich?

Well, he save on groceries.

How best to save the iPhone from FBI?

Crack it before they hack it.

What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate?

The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.

What did 'b' say to his friend 'e' after 'e' saved his life?

AY E! I O U edit: added Y

What did adam say to eve?

Let's save humanity.

How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?

They push Two twins together to make a King

Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

Cause all their pants are half-off

Why did the hillbillies save some doe?

Because they knew it would give them a buck in good time.

Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?

Because Jesus saves.

Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?

He couldn't remove three nails to save his life

Who gets saved?

America

What does a sandal do on Sunday's?

It saves its sole.

How do you save a drowning black family?

As a .jpg

How do dogs save for retirement?

With a Ruff IRA.

How did the little boy save the catholic priest's life?

He found a lump on his testicle.

What did the barfly say to the other barfly?

I saved you a stool.

What bounces and makes kids cry?

The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.

What's the best way to save on toilet paper?

Slow your roll.

How do you save a Republican from drowning?

Take your foot off of their head.

How many Heros does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

All, to save this world from the darkness.

Who would you save first?

Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

Why couldn't the hipsters save the hippies?

They were too far out.

How do you save a drowning mouse ?

Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !

Why women fail at saving money?

Have you ever seen a money-box (piggy bank) with a hole at the bottom...

What's the only thing that could have saved George Michael?

A whambulance

How can we stop ISIS?

EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress !

Why isn't the guy who wrote "Danger Zone" and the Saved by the Bell theme very active on social media?

He forgot his Loggins

What can save a dying blonde?

A: Hair transplants.

Whoa. There are books on TAPE?

Now I can stop reading while I drive. This is gonna save so many lives.

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?

Because they can't stop saving their work.

What saved the ship?

flambuoyancy"

What do you call Protestants who want to save a dime?

Econoclasts.

Which Jedi can save PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

Who was saved?

The Russian people

Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

Why is Jesus so rich?

Because Jesus saves.

What made you go out on that dangerous pond ice and risk your life to save a friend?

Boy Hero: I had to do it. He had my skates on.

Why wouldn't the worker accept 10 fresh chickens as a reward for saving a farm on fire?

It was a poultry amount

Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement?

A 401(K-9).

What do you do with the time saved?

Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what

Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?

Because Jesus saves.

Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?

Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.

Who do you save?

America. Keep right on going and don't stop.

How'd you die?

I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You " "I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen" "Oh.."

Why do men like love at first site?

A. It saves them a lot of time.

How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

They link to Ancestry.com

Why are churches never broke?

Because Jesus saves.

Where did that offensive joke post go?

I'm pretty sure I saved it to make reference to eventually and now I cannot find it. There was some gold in there.

What do you get when you cross Godzilla, saved by the bell, and crystal meth?

Go go power rangers!

How did you get those horrible burns?

flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.

How did he get so rich?

By saving the gas money!

Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito?

Because an itch in time saves nine.

Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world?

It was legend dairy.

Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

You might also enjoy:

Harambe Jokes More Harambe Jokes

What does Harambe order when he goes to a restaurant?

He gets the kids meal.

What's the difference between a Stormtrooper and a Zoo Keeper?

The Storm Trooper would have missed harambe

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What do we call a wireless mouse?

Hamster.

What's the difference between your dad and this joke?

This joke will be back someday

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

Why was Mary Jane not a virgin?

Her mother leaves.

Why was the young bear so spoiled?

A: Because his mother "panda'd" to his every whim!

Superman Jokes More Superman Jokes

How does the Mummy plan to destroy Superman?

He's gonna lure him in to the crypt tonight.

What was Superman's first job?

A Clark.

Lion Jokes More Lion Jokes

What does a dentist do in his free time?

Shoot lions.

What do you call a lion with a fancy hat?

A dandy lion.

Guitar Player Jokes More Guitar Player Jokes

What's the best way to get your guitar player to turn down the volume?

Give him the sheet music.

How do you get a guitar player to shut up?

Put sheet music in front of him

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What did Mr. Burns bring to the pot luck?

Eggsalad

What did the orphan say when the orphanage burned down?

Nothing. He just laughed.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

What happened when the Malaysian asked the Russian out on a date?

He got shot down.

What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches?

A high medium low