Lead Jokes

Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Republicans weren't off of work yet.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

How do you estimate your kids lifespan?

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

What's the newest fitness craze sweeping American police forces?

Lead injections.

What are Hillary's convictions?

The FBI hasn't announced her indictment yet, but hopefully it will lead to at least one

Why did the policeman shoot the empty LED?

It was a black one.

What led to the discovery of gravitational waves?

A simple game of hopscotch: Me v. Yo Mama

What does the flint water crises and Chicago PD have in common?

The amount of lead put into black people. (It was funnier over the radio)

What do you call a Black man that walks by a Cop?

A Pencil cause he's full of lead!

What's the brightest airship ever made?

LED Zeppelin

Why are LED's a good investment?

Because they always diode.

What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer?

Kobe beef

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why is Dave Mustaine described as "heavy metal"?

Because he sings lead. (Better read than said.)

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

How do you turn lead into gold?

Start a war.

How do you get the walls of your house as bright as they can possibly be?

Use LED based paint.

Why did Gateway computers go out of business?

Because they led to stronger and addictive computers.

Why couldn't the police solve the case of the flat car battery?

They had no leads.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo?

A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead !

Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?

Because all the roads lead to Rome.

Why did the paper follow the pencil?

Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! Skip

Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?

Me: picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle "Independence."

What's the tragedy with little people?

They lead such short lives.

Why did Hannibal invade Rome?

OC Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

Why did the pirate date the mermaid?

He thought finding X in her algebra would lead to booty.

What do Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and LeBron James have in common that led to their success in the NBA?

Hard work and dedication.

Why did you lead me on a high-speed chase?

Motorist: Because you'd catch me on a slow one.

How do you lead a horse to water?

With carrots

What traumatic event lead to you not believing in god?

Me: oh, um, science.

Who leads the corn into battle?

The kernal! Bahahahaha

What about the weasel?

That's the punchline. Comment with the lead up and may the best one win.

Why are there no owls here?

I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE! #hooters

What is the world's leading cause of hearing loss?

Religion.

What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Bath towels...

What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Do the math! Me: Seriously ! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow

Why couldn't Led Zeppelin play pinball?

They had No Quarter

Why did you lead me on a five-state chase?

Driver: I love to travel.

Who is currently leading in the Pirate Party Polls?

Noone. Pirates don't have poles, they have masts.

What's the leading cause of obesity in women?

Wedding rings

What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels

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Injection Jokes More Injection Jokes

What's the newest fitness craze sweeping American police forces?

Lead injections.

What do you call the tech. at the vets who has to give injections to cats?

Claude.

Democrats Jokes More Democrats Jokes

Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Republicans weren't off of work yet.

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but we weren't able to get the work done in 1 term because we inherited a really bad situation from the prior administration.

Expect Jokes More Expect Jokes

What did you expect?

Honestly.

What do you call someone who keeps trying the same thing again and again, yet expects different results?

A weapons designer for the First Order.

Park Jokes More Park Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the park?

To get to the other slide...

What do you like to do in your free time?

Guy: I spy on people. Girl: Really I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends. Guy: I know.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What do you call the doctor for dogs?

Dogtor

Why did the bee go to the doctor?

Because he had hives Badum tsh

Li Ion Jokes More Li Ion Jokes

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

How does a guy prove he's tough?

He jogs home after his vasectomy. . Fairly old, vasectomies may not be so bad any longer.

What do you call a guy who is in color guard?

A flaggot

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland?

Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes.

Where do clowns live?

In a Clown Hall.