Lead Jokes

Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Republicans weren't off of work yet.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

How do you estimate your kids lifespan?

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

What's the newest fitness craze sweeping American police forces?

Lead injections.

What are Hillary's convictions?

The FBI hasn't announced her indictment yet, but hopefully it will lead to at least one

Why did the policeman shoot the empty LED?

It was a black one.

What led to the discovery of gravitational waves?

A simple game of hopscotch: Me v. Yo Mama

What does the flint water crises and Chicago PD have in common?

The amount of lead put into black people. (It was funnier over the radio)

What do you call a Black man that walks by a Cop?

A Pencil cause he's full of lead!

What's the brightest airship ever made?

LED Zeppelin

Why are LED's a good investment?

Because they always diode.

What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer?

Kobe beef

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why is Dave Mustaine described as "heavy metal"?

Because he sings lead. (Better read than said.)

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

How do you turn lead into gold?

Start a war.

How do you get the walls of your house as bright as they can possibly be?

Use LED based paint.

Why did Gateway computers go out of business?

Because they led to stronger and addictive computers.

Why couldn't the police solve the case of the flat car battery?

They had no leads.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo?

A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead !

Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?

Because all the roads lead to Rome.

Why did the paper follow the pencil?

Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! Skip

Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?

Me: picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle "Independence."

What's the tragedy with little people?

They lead such short lives.

Why did Hannibal invade Rome?

OC Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

Why did the pirate date the mermaid?

He thought finding X in her algebra would lead to booty.

What do Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and LeBron James have in common that led to their success in the NBA?

Hard work and dedication.

Why did you lead me on a high-speed chase?

Motorist: Because you'd catch me on a slow one.

How do you lead a horse to water?

With carrots

What traumatic event lead to you not believing in god?

Me: oh, um, science.

Who leads the corn into battle?

The kernal! Bahahahaha

What about the weasel?

That's the punchline. Comment with the lead up and may the best one win.

Why are there no owls here?

I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE! #hooters

What is the world's leading cause of hearing loss?

Religion.

What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Bath towels...

What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Do the math! Me: Seriously ! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow

Why couldn't Led Zeppelin play pinball?

They had No Quarter

Why did you lead me on a five-state chase?

Driver: I love to travel.

Who is currently leading in the Pirate Party Polls?

Noone. Pirates don't have poles, they have masts.

What's the leading cause of obesity in women?

Wedding rings

What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels

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Radio Jokes More Radio Jokes

Why did the tennis player get her radio taken away?

People said she was making too much of a racket.

What do you call it when two terrorists are horsing around on the radio?

Talibanter

Fifth Jokes More Fifth Jokes

How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?

Have the fifth one say.... BINGO!

How many black Oscar nominees would it take (compared to white nominees) to satisfy the boycotters?

Three-fifths as many seems like a generous offer.

Republican Jokes More Republican Jokes

Why are Republicans so easy to point out?

They're usually the elephant in the room

How do you pump a Republican for information?

With a plunger.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What present did the kid with no hands get?

Gloves. Ha! Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.

Why did the Greeks want Helen back so bad?

Are you kidding She was the most beautiful woman in the world! Can you imagine what her sons would of looked like

American Jokes More American Jokes

What does the Chinese government call an American with a PhD in physics, math and chemistry?

STUPID AMERICAN!

Why are European cars the lightest?

because there's no Americans sitting in them.

Truth Jokes More Truth Jokes

What 3 things that tell the truth?

Drunk men. Little children. Yoga pants.

What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio's face?

Tell me a lie. Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie. Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie...

Expect Jokes More Expect Jokes

Why did Tony cross the road?

To get to the other side. He then turned around, stuck up his middle finger and said, "Hah, you were all expecting a joke, and all you got was an Anthony joke!"

What the hell did you expect for ten dollars?

Lobster "

Good Jokes More Good Jokes

What's the best part of two lesbians marrying?

Two cooks in the house.

Why do successful lettuce farmers always get women?

Because everyone knows they give good *head*.