Lead Jokes

Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Republicans weren't off of work yet.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

How do you estimate your kids lifespan?

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

What's the newest fitness craze sweeping American police forces?

Lead injections.

What are Hillary's convictions?

The FBI hasn't announced her indictment yet, but hopefully it will lead to at least one

Why did the policeman shoot the empty LED?

It was a black one.

What led to the discovery of gravitational waves?

A simple game of hopscotch: Me v. Yo Mama

What does the flint water crises and Chicago PD have in common?

The amount of lead put into black people. (It was funnier over the radio)

What do you call a Black man that walks by a Cop?

A Pencil cause he's full of lead!

What's the brightest airship ever made?

LED Zeppelin

Why are LED's a good investment?

Because they always diode.

What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer?

Kobe beef

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why is Dave Mustaine described as "heavy metal"?

Because he sings lead. (Better read than said.)

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

How do you turn lead into gold?

Start a war.

How do you get the walls of your house as bright as they can possibly be?

Use LED based paint.

Why did Gateway computers go out of business?

Because they led to stronger and addictive computers.

Why couldn't the police solve the case of the flat car battery?

They had no leads.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo?

A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead !

Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?

Because all the roads lead to Rome.

Why did the paper follow the pencil?

Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! Skip

Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?

Me: picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle "Independence."

What's the tragedy with little people?

They lead such short lives.

Why did Hannibal invade Rome?

OC Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

Why did the pirate date the mermaid?

He thought finding X in her algebra would lead to booty.

What do Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and LeBron James have in common that led to their success in the NBA?

Hard work and dedication.

Why did you lead me on a high-speed chase?

Motorist: Because you'd catch me on a slow one.

How do you lead a horse to water?

With carrots

What traumatic event lead to you not believing in god?

Me: oh, um, science.

Who leads the corn into battle?

The kernal! Bahahahaha

What about the weasel?

That's the punchline. Comment with the lead up and may the best one win.

Why are there no owls here?

I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE! #hooters

What is the world's leading cause of hearing loss?

Religion.

What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Bath towels...

What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Do the math! Me: Seriously ! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow

Why couldn't Led Zeppelin play pinball?

They had No Quarter

Why did you lead me on a five-state chase?

Driver: I love to travel.

Who is currently leading in the Pirate Party Polls?

Noone. Pirates don't have poles, they have masts.

What's the leading cause of obesity in women?

Wedding rings

What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels

You might also enjoy:

Plead Jokes More Plead Jokes

What would American Psycho 3 be called if it had Martin Shreli as the lead actor?

American Psycho 3: Pleading the Fifth

Why did the picture plead innocent at the trial?

It was framed.

Michigan Jokes More Michigan Jokes

Where are the best leaders made?

Flint, Michigan.

What do you call a country bumpkin from Michigan's Upper Peninsula?

A: A hick-UP

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy dumped by his Asian girlfriend?

Disoriented.

Why did the guy get aroused by the highway?

Because there were lots of turn ons.

Expect Jokes More Expect Jokes

Who remembers the 2016 presidential race?

Nobody expected that late run from Gonzalez, did they?

What the hell did you expect for ten dollars?

Lobster "

27 Jokes More 27 Jokes

How many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb?

One...but it takes him 27 tries

What do you call a fish with 27 eyes?

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What's the best benefit of working for ISIS?

early retirement

What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?

A yeaster bunny!

Good Jokes More Good Jokes

What's the best part about showering with an eight year old girl?

Slicking her hair back and making her look like a six year old boy.

What's the best part of twenty eight year old chicks?

There's twenty of them.

Black People Jokes More Black People Jokes

Why do black people have white on their palms?

There's a little bit of good in everybody.

Why don't black people get presents for Christmas?

Because prisons don't have chimneys.