Reply Jokes

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

When one points and asks his friend, "Is that statue a foot?

To which his friend replies, "No, it's about four and a half feet."

Who slept with my wife?

and in the background someone replied "You ain't got enough bullets."

Why don't you play with your friends?

he asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'

Why did you do that?

I replied,"That's what you're supposed to do in soccer, right Kick balls "

How much is a dozen bananas?

ampnbsp And the cashier replies: &ampnbsp -Twelve bananas

How does the chef prepare the chicken?

The waiter replies, "He looks it straight in the eye and says, 'You're gonna die.'"

How many women have you slept with My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

How's your head?

Don't reply with "No man has ever complained."

Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?

but they don't stop long enough for you to reply!

What'll it be, love?

The woman replies, "I'll take a double entendre." So he gave it to her.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between this morning and your daughter...?

Slightly nsfw) His boss answers "I don't know." The employee replies "I'm not coming in this morning!"

This joke may have profanity.

What products do I use for grooming?

She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook."

What's a ten-letter word meaning 'supplying nourishment'?

Sherlock replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson."

How can I buy the New York Times?

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

What's the wheel for?

The pirate replies, "Arrr it's drivin me nuts!"

How much for 2 children?

She replied, "$9.50." "Awesome!" I said. "Do I get to choose or is it a lucky dip "

What does TTYL mean?

I replied, "Talk to you later". So she responded, "No! Talk to me now! What does it mean "

What have you been doing for it?

She replies, "Snorting pepper."

How much will that be?

asks the neutron. "For you " replies the bartender, "no charge."

Whatever shall we do?

Let us spray!" replied the other.

Why am I getting my Christmas presents in August?

Her mom replies, "Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy."

How did you get here?

he asked. And the new angel replied "Flu..."

How do you get a woman to stop texting you?

Reply to her message within a minute

What I reply with when someone asks, "What'd the comment say?

Removed

Which one's yours?

I replied, "None of them... yet."

Why do you have a pear on your head?

He replies, "It's not a peach, it's a plum!"

Which doctor?

I replied "No, a medical one."

When my girlfriend asks "mom, what are you doing!?

I reply "Taxes."

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

What exactly is going on?

I asked. He replied, "A Major engineering feet."

What should I wear?

Mr. Salad asks. She replies, "It doesn't matter to me, just be well dressed."

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How JokeExplainBot spent his weekend?

Explaining his wife.

How did the blind girl explain her pregnancy?

She said she didn't see him coming

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Why didn't the bicycle cross the road?

he was two-tired...

Why did the car swerve off the road?

It hit the chicken. Bazing!

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Where do men with erectile dysfunction go to find a job?

Ubisoft

Why did the bee get married?

Because he found his honey.

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What do you do when you see your neighbour staggering in the back yard?

Shoot him again.

What's the difference between a football player and a bank robber?

The bank robber says: Give me the money or I will shoot! The football player says: Give me the money or I won't shoot.

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What did the German physicist use to drink his beer?

Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.

What did Tony the Tiger say to the kids playing baseball?

Theeeeeeeeey Never expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What sort of dance do fish do at parties ?

The conga !

What do you call a fish that operates on brains?

A brain sturgeon.

Smell Jokes More Smell Jokes

Why did the midget get slapped?

Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.

Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli?

I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.

Buccan Hat Jokes More Buccan Hat Jokes

Where does a pirate keep his buccaneer' s?

Under his buccan-hat.

What did the kid ask the Pirate?

Kid asks, "Where are your buccaneers?" Pirate replies, "They're under my Buccan Hat!"