Reply Jokes

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

When one points and asks his friend, "Is that statue a foot?

To which his friend replies, "No, it's about four and a half feet."

Who slept with my wife?

and in the background someone replied "You ain't got enough bullets."

Why don't you play with your friends?

he asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'

Why did you do that?

I replied,"That's what you're supposed to do in soccer, right Kick balls "

How much is a dozen bananas?

ampnbsp And the cashier replies: &ampnbsp -Twelve bananas

How does the chef prepare the chicken?

The waiter replies, "He looks it straight in the eye and says, 'You're gonna die.'"

How many women have you slept with My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

How's your head?

Don't reply with "No man has ever complained."

Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?

but they don't stop long enough for you to reply!

What'll it be, love?

The woman replies, "I'll take a double entendre." So he gave it to her.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between this morning and your daughter...?

Slightly nsfw) His boss answers "I don't know." The employee replies "I'm not coming in this morning!"

This joke may have profanity.

What products do I use for grooming?

She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook."

What's a ten-letter word meaning 'supplying nourishment'?

Sherlock replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson."

How can I buy the New York Times?

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

What's the wheel for?

The pirate replies, "Arrr it's drivin me nuts!"

How much for 2 children?

She replied, "$9.50." "Awesome!" I said. "Do I get to choose or is it a lucky dip "

What does TTYL mean?

I replied, "Talk to you later". So she responded, "No! Talk to me now! What does it mean "

What have you been doing for it?

She replies, "Snorting pepper."

How much will that be?

asks the neutron. "For you " replies the bartender, "no charge."

Whatever shall we do?

Let us spray!" replied the other.

Why am I getting my Christmas presents in August?

Her mom replies, "Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy."

How did you get here?

he asked. And the new angel replied "Flu..."

How do you get a woman to stop texting you?

Reply to her message within a minute

What I reply with when someone asks, "What'd the comment say?

Removed

Which one's yours?

I replied, "None of them... yet."

Why do you have a pear on your head?

He replies, "It's not a peach, it's a plum!"

Which doctor?

I replied "No, a medical one."

When my girlfriend asks "mom, what are you doing!?

I reply "Taxes."

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

What exactly is going on?

I asked. He replied, "A Major engineering feet."

What should I wear?

Mr. Salad asks. She replies, "It doesn't matter to me, just be well dressed."

You might also enjoy:

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

Why do black people like the NBA?

It's the only sport where you can shoot, steal and run!

How do you stop a mexican tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What did Jose name his son?

Hose B

What is the 25th letter of the alphabet?

The son answers, "Y." "Because I want to know!"

Damn Jokes More Damn Jokes

What did the beaver say when he fell in water?

Dam it.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Explain Jokes More Explain Jokes

What can conspiracy theorists never explain?

They say that 9/11 was an inside job... but planes fly OUTSIDE. Can't explain that

What does a German say when you finally explain a funny meme to him?

Danke

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

How did the blonde die drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on her.

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

Hunter Jokes More Hunter Jokes

What's the difference between a hunter and a stalker?

ANSWER: The hunter has to wait until it's in season!

Why did the hunter scold his blonde wife after she shot a moose over quota?

Cause when he asked her why she shot it, she replied: "I asked it what it was before I shot. But that cow wasn't gonna fool me!"

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

How do you know that God isn't a woman?

Because I'm not a sandwich.

Why don't women like to wear dresses in the winter?

Chapped lips

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"?

Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it

How can you tell if someone's a redditor,in real life?

Ask them if they're on reddit. I'm sorry.