Word Jokes

How many words can you type a minute?

ME: Probably all of them BOSS: What do you mean ME: Well, like for example, pickle

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Why are people still using a dictionary?

I just type the words into Google and see if it corrects me.

What word begins with "N" and ends in "R" that I wouldn't want to call a black guy?

Neighbor.

What two words have thousands of letters in them?

Post office.

What word starts with M and ends in arraige and is a man's favourite thing?

Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

What would you say are your strengths?

Me: Words Him: Can you say more Me: More Him: Me: I'm also good at directions

What is another word for a python ?

A mega-bite !

What word starts with F and ends in uck?

Firetruck. The answer is Firetruck.

Why do bees hum ?

Because they've forgotten the words !

How many syllables does the word "Gloria" have?

CATHOLICS: 18

What's another word for cinnamon?

Synonym.

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What two words have the most letters?

Post office.

When you guys describe me to your families do you use the word tigress?

I'd prefer if you included tigress

What do rappers use to write their lyrics?

Word,yo.

What do me and Mariah Carey have in common?

Neither of us know the words to any of her songs

Whats the word im looking for?

You're part of a three-man space crew orbiting Earth. You can ONLY relay one, one word message in 2 seconds. Whats the word

How good are you at PowerPoint?

I said, "I Excel at it." He replied, "Was that a Microsoft Office pun " I was like, "Word."

Which dinosaur knew... Q: Which dinosaur knew the most words?

A: The thesaurus.

What word starts with "n" and you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

How do you say the word "peanuts" *without* the letter "t"?

Think about it.

What's another word for Italian cologne?

Garlic

How can the National Anthem be racist if?

The first words are, " Jose can you see "

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?

Stone.

Why was 4 afraid of 5?

Because 5 was a Registered Six Offender. Edit: a word.

How do you pay for things in the Czech Republic?

Cash or Czech Edit: a word

Why won't people know when you replace words with instruments?

Idk, accordion to research I guess.

Why are ghosts always just moaning?

Did your manners die too Use your words!

How do you describe a hierarchy of police officers with only one word?

Police police police police police police police police police police police.

What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?

A: "Nobody's perfect!"

What word starts with F and ends with UCK?

Firetruck

Why do you keep changing a word into something that makes no sense ?

You are the banner of my existence.

What word that begins with "N" and ends with "R" do you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

What were the last words Jimi Hendrix said before he died?

S'cuse me, while I kiss the sky...*

What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are?

A: Play ball.

What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

Why did the librarian hush the mime?

Because actions speak louder than words.

What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black guy?

Neighbor

Where'd he go?

and the angel said, "He's at IHOP for never-ending pancakes" and they were like, "Word."

What word in the dictionary is always spelled wrong?

Wrong.

What two words contain the most letters?

A: Post office.

What do you can an epileptic What do you call an epileptic in a garden?

Seizure salad. edit: fixed the word 'call'

What is the only word that a redneck will capitalise?

Punishment.

Which word is the longest in the English language?

Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

What does a rapper use to write their songs?

Word,yo.

Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ?

Aladdin the street wants a word with you !

How are men like television commercials?

A. You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 30 seconds.

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words ;)

Do you know what the word 'was' was initially?

Before was was was was was is.

Ever wondered why bees hum?

It's because they don't know the words.

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Destroy Jokes More Destroy Jokes

Why did you destroy that urinal cake?

Peer pressure

What's black and loves to destroy Baltimore?

The Pittsburgh Steelers

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?

A stinkasaurus!

Why did the black child cross the road?

To get to the other side

Spread Jokes More Spread Jokes

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

How many black people does it to pave a driveway?

One. You just have to spread him real thin.

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

What's your favorite joke appropriate for a 6-8 year old?

I am a ski instructor and I've recently been teaching these two boys who are 6 and 8 year old brothers. I realized today that I know zero jokes appropriate enough or funny to this demographic. I feel like they think I am super boring. Give me some help to make the chairlift more exciting!!

Why does the Coast Guard have ultraviolet lights?

To help them find missing sea men.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

How can you call someone and sound fabulous?

Use a homophone.

Which came first. . . social media or dumb people?

AND which is worse. . . the overdoing of selfies OR not knowing how to use the English language

Mile Jokes More Mile Jokes

Why do the Irish wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

What's the difference between a lorry with good brakes, and a lorry with nice brakes?

A Lorry with Nice breaks doesn't stop until after a mile.

Spell Jokes More Spell Jokes

How do you spell wrong?

R o n g. That's wrong. That's what you asked for isn't it

Why do blondes drive VWs?

A: Because they can spell it.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

Why did Bruce Jenner crash his car?

Because she's a woman.

Why do women have short feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink