Arm Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home?

A taxi

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why do all the ladies love Jesus?

spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this.

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

How much does a red lightsaber cost?

An arm and a leg edit: slightly improved punchline

What did the mother of the guy who broke his arms say at the beginning of every 'session'?

ssh bby is ok

How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?

It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States

What did the child with no arms get for Christmas?

Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet.

Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars?

A: She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there Me: Not Lucy.

What does a Soldier and a Shoulder have in common?

They have access to arms.

What does an octopus wear on a cold day?

A coat of arms!

When I see a "How am I driving?

sticker, I want to take the driver in my arms and tell them that I too have questions about my existence

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?

Bob.

Why did Timmy fall off the swing?

Me: why Him: Timmy has no arms. Knock knock. Me: Who's there Him: Not Timmy.

Why did Sally fall of the swingset?

She had no arms. BONUS JOKE: Knock Knock. Who's there Not Sally.

What would you do if you broke your arm in two places?

Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.

What do you call a man with three arms and a pegleg?

I have no idea because the actual joke is always in the comments.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes?

Noob.

What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!"

Why did the football player laugh when he broke his arm?

Because it was humerus.

How did the Idiot break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

Why couldn't Harry play basketball?

Because he's got no arms.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?

Russel

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?

2nd base.

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Bear Grylls Jokes More Bear Grylls Jokes

How many bears would Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears?

A: As many bears as Bear Grylls' grill can bear.

How many bears could Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could grill bears?

Seven.

Door Jokes More Door Jokes

Why was the girl stuck in the revolving door for two weeks?

cuz she couldn't find the door handle

When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house ?

When the door is open !

Cost Jokes More Cost Jokes

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck an ear (buccaneer).

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?

A buccaneer.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What's the difference between my virginity and the Apple Airphones?

Losing my virginity wouldn't cost me as much.

How did the witch almost lose her baby?

She didn't take it far enough into the woods.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

Why do girls always walk around in odd numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

Why did the rabbi walk into the bar?

Because he likes oldfashioned jokes.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What do you get if you cross goat DNA with human DNA?

I don't know, ask the Arabs!

Why is santa always so happy?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Swim Jokes More Swim Jokes

Why do squirrels swim on their back?

To keep their nuts dry.

What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?

Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.

Moon Jokes More Moon Jokes

How do you know if the moon is waxing or waning?

If it's waning you'll get weally weally wet.

What did the conspiracy theorist use as his breakup line?

Baby, I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone who's as real as the Moon landing...