Arm Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home?

A taxi

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why do all the ladies love Jesus?

spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this.

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

How much does a red lightsaber cost?

An arm and a leg edit: slightly improved punchline

What did the mother of the guy who broke his arms say at the beginning of every 'session'?

ssh bby is ok

How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?

It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States

What did the child with no arms get for Christmas?

Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet.

Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars?

A: She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there Me: Not Lucy.

What does a Soldier and a Shoulder have in common?

They have access to arms.

What does an octopus wear on a cold day?

A coat of arms!

When I see a "How am I driving?

sticker, I want to take the driver in my arms and tell them that I too have questions about my existence

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?

Bob.

Why did Timmy fall off the swing?

Me: why Him: Timmy has no arms. Knock knock. Me: Who's there Him: Not Timmy.

Why did Sally fall of the swingset?

She had no arms. BONUS JOKE: Knock Knock. Who's there Not Sally.

What would you do if you broke your arm in two places?

Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.

What do you call a man with three arms and a pegleg?

I have no idea because the actual joke is always in the comments.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes?

Noob.

What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!"

Why did the football player laugh when he broke his arm?

Because it was humerus.

How did the Idiot break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

Why couldn't Harry play basketball?

Because he's got no arms.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?

Russel

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?

2nd base.

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Right Jokes More Right Jokes

What do you call it when a Spanish man goes to court for custody of his children?

Fight for your right to padre

How does the balance sheet of a bank look like as of today?

On the left side there's nothing right and on the right side there's nothing left...

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What is the best thing about duct tape?

It turns no no no into mm mm mmmm.

How do you turn chicken masala into chicken marsala?

Have a pirate cook it...they always add an "arrr"...

Swimming Pool Jokes More Swimming Pool Jokes

Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool ?

Because they couldn't hold their trunks up !

When can you dive in a swimming pool and not get your hair wet ?

When your bald !

Paralyze Jokes More Paralyze Jokes

What does a horse and kryptonite have in common?

They both paralyze superman

What has arms but can't move them?

A small child paralyzed from the waist up.

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

Why did Microsoft go straight from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

BECAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE *drops mic*

Where did sally go when the bombs dropped?

Everywhere

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll around in mud, and cross again after being caught by the mafia?

Because he was a dirty double crosser.

Why did the robot cross the road?

Because it was carbon bonded to the chicken.

Swing Jokes More Swing Jokes

What is the difference between Spiderman and Superman?

Peter Parker can swing a web. Clark Kent.

Why couldn't Susie ride the swings?

A: Because she has no arms! Knock knock. Who's there Not Susie!

Person Jokes More Person Jokes

How many things do you need to change a lightbulb?

3, a person, a ladder, and another lightbulb

What do you call a person of mixed heritage from eastern Turkey/northern Iraq, and from Wisconsin?

A Cheese Kurd.