Communist Jokes

How many communists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right.

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What do you call an American who does not like apple pie?

A Communist

Why did Russia lose the race?

Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)

Which is the most communist vegetable?

The soviet Onion

Why was the communist arrested?

He was caught red handed.

How many communists died during ww2?

not enough

What's similar between communists and communism?

Neither work.

What do you call a frozen Communist?

A hammer and pop-sickle

Why do no communists drink Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

What do you call an arranged marriage between two communists who don't like each other?

A so-be-it union.

Why aren't there any British Communists?

Because communists believe all proper tea is theft.

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Why do Communists only drink coffee?

Because proper tea is theft.

Why do Communists drink herbal tea?

Because proper-tea is theft.

What do you call a communist pirate?

Lutin.

Who was the funniest Communist?

Roflmao

How do Communists achieve a revolution every single year?

They planet!

How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. Each lightbulb contains the means of its own revolution.

Why were there no feminists in Communist China?

Because everyone had equal rice.

How does a communist do well in school?

He gets good marx.

What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS Arrrrrr

Why is China a communist country?

Because nobody wants to hold an erection.

Where do Communists go to get burgers?

Czechers.

How do we know cats are communists?

All they ever say is Mao.

What do you call a communist who's good with a rifle?

A marxman.

What do you call a party of communists that haven't seen each other in years?

Soviet Reunion Terrible and painful, I know.

What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

What's the difference between a communist and a feminist?

The communist wants equality

Why did the communists trip over?

Because they were Russian!

What do you get when you mix a communist and a capitalist?

Bernie sanders

What do communists clean first when they do their laundry?

Their Linens

What do you get when you cross a cartoon character and a Communist?

Mickey Mao.

What do communists do on May Day?

Paint the town red.

What do you call a communist who's also a good sniper?

a Marxman

What did the communist say at the beginning of the race?

On your Marx, get set, go!"

What do a communist and a nihilist have in common?

It's all the same to them

How'd the date go?

Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.

What do communists put in their soup?

Soviet Onions.

What do a communist and communism itself have in common?

Neither one works.

Who is the communist leader of r/Jokes ?

Chairman Lmao

Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they hate Capitalism.

What do you call a communist video streaming service?

Niet-flix.

What do you call a Communist Mexican?

A Gaucho Marxist

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Soviet Jokes More Soviet Jokes

What happens when the USSR gets back together?

A Soviet Reunion.

Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War?

Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!

Apple Pie Jokes More Apple Pie Jokes

How do terrorists like their apple pie?

Allah mode.

Why did the apple pie get fired from his job?

Because he showed up baked.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

How does Walter Palmer like his eggs?

Poached. Thank you, I'm here all week. EDIT: this got no upvotes and I don't think it deserved any

How is life at the post office going?

It's going well I guess. It has its usps and it's downs. Edited for correctness

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why didn't the cargo ship want to leave the bay?

Because it was a freight!

What Did Superman Tell Superwoman?

Do you want to be in my Crib Tonight (Kryptonite)

World Jokes More World Jokes

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?

A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Who's there? Dave. Dave who?

Dave promptly burst into tears as not everyone in the world knew Dave.

Feminist Jokes More Feminist Jokes

Why are feminists bad cashiers?

They can't make change.

What's the only thing a feminist is going to change?

The Laundry

British Jokes More British Jokes

What's a British student's favourite drink?

M.I.Tea

What's the difference between watts and ohms?

Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.

Spot Jokes More Spot Jokes

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?

It isn't hard

How does a leopard change its spots ?

When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another !