Pope Jokes

What do you call the pope after a drive by?

Your holiness"

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What's the difference between a pontiff's chin and the kitchen sink?

One's covered in soap bubbles, while the other's covered in Pope stubbles.

What is the Popes favorite trick to do on a bike?

Papa-wheelie!

Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing?

Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed. First to ever post this joke here, yay!

Who is the supreme religious leader of the corns?

Pope corn!

Why should the Pope play NBA basketball?

Because every time he puts up a prayer it gets answered. (I thought of this myself, but it is so corny, it could easily be in every damn joke book.)

Why did the pope have so many children?

Because his condom was a little holy...

This joke may have profanity.

What did the pope say to Aretha Franklin?

I said play pope music not pop music.

What do you call a comatose Pope?

esteemed vegetable.

Why does the Pope kiss the ground when he gets off his plane?

You would too if you had to fly Alitalia.

What happens when a pope dies?

Another pops up.

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How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Don't know, the pope hasn't said yet. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, Lutherans don't change.

What's the difference between A pope and THE pope?

bout tree fiddy.

What do The Pope & a Christmas Tree have in common?

The balls are just for decoration.

How do you get three popes into a Volkswagen?

You take off their hats

What did the Pope say to the hot atheist girl?

Shake that blasphemy

What does the Pope Jean-Paul 2 and the little girl kidnapped by Boko Haram have in common?

The pope died a virgin

What did the pope give up for lent?

His job.

What do you call the Pope after he's resigned?

Ex-Benedict.

What happens when the Pope dies?

another one popes up.

What do Bill Gates and the Pope have in common?

They've both put their faith in the cloud.

What is the Catholic Church giving up for Lent?

Answer: The Pope!

How do you castrate the pope?

Kick the altar boy in the chin.

What does the Pope dip his chips in?

Holy Guacamole

Why does the Pope shower with his briefs on?

He doesn't like to look down on the unemployed.

What are children generally better at then adults?

Giving the pope an errection

What did the Pope say when he first saw the Shroud of Turin?

Holy Sheet!

What does the Pope use to dry his hands?

Papal towels.

How do Protestants like their orange juice?

without Pope

What do they call soda in Rome?

Pope.

How does the Pope pay for things online?

Papal

What do Christmas trees and The Pope have in common?

A: Their balls are for decoration only

Why doesn't the pope like continuous functions?

They're not hole-y.

How to do fit ten popes in a vw bug?

Tell them to take off their hats

What do a drunken cat and the pope have in common?

They're both Catholics.

Where do some popes get their vestments?

Urban Outfitters

What did the Pope say when a cougar crossed his path?

Oh my gosh I almost Puma pants.

What do you call some who's too pooped to Pope?

Ex-Benedict

What's the first thing the pope did after resigning?

Asked Jerry Sandusky for his lil black book.

What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine?

Do we have any papal towels

What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

A: surname

Why did the Papal Palace fill up with kittens?

Because the Pope was a cat-holic. Eh Eh

Why does the Pope always win at chess?

He has so many Bishops!

Why has the pope never won a gold medal?

Because he always came in a little behind.

What do The Pope &amp a Christmas Tree have in common?

The balls are just for decoration.

Why Does the Pope wear Boxers?

He doesn't want to look down on the unemployed.

How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Don't know, the pope hasn't said yet. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb None, Lutherans don't change.

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How does a lobster answer the phone?

Shello

What does a highlighter say when it answers the phone?

Yello?

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What do you call a bus full of lawyers driving off a cliff?

A Good Start.(http://www.youtube.com/watch v=obKLdou0LH0)

Why do single people take dating advice from other single people?

That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

Ex Benedict Jokes More Ex Benedict Jokes

What do you call Pope Benedict after his final day in the papal office?

Ex-Benedict.

What do you call some who's too pooped to Pope?

Ex-Benedict

Corn Jokes More Corn Jokes

How much did the pirate farmer charge for his corn?

A buck-an-ear!

How has society let things go so far down hill that it still takes two minutes to make popcorn?

China probably can pop corn in one minute.

Boko Haram Jokes More Boko Haram Jokes

What's the difference between a Boko Haram training camp and a Nigerian refugee camp?

I don't know, I just fly the fighter jet.

What does the Pope Jean-Paul 2 and the little girl kidnapped by Boko Haram have in common?

The pope died a virgin

Benedict Jokes More Benedict Jokes

Why should you serve Eggs Benedict on shiny metal dishes?

Because there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.

What is a traitor's favorite food?

Eggs Benedict

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to Kim Jong?

He was ill.

What happens when you violate Reddit's rules?

removed

Itune Jokes More Itune Jokes

What's the Pope iTunes play-list name?

Pray-list.

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.