England Jokes

What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

50 Shades of Earl Grey

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What's the different between England and a tea bag?

A tea bag last longer in the cup

What do they call the 13th floor in England?

The 12th floor.

Why did the siamese twins moved to England?

So the other one would also drive

Why does England always get attacked in the summer?

Because the Knights are shorter then.

What's the difference between a tea bag and England?

A tea bag stays longer in a cup.

What do you call a starving artist from 17th Century England?

baroque

How do you lose 30 pounds in 1 Minute?

Go to England and buy something

Why do penguins never go to England?

Because they're afraid of Wales!

Who is the poorest in England?

The Tooth Fairy!

What's the difference between England and a cup of tea?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

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What's the difference between England and a teabag?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag?

A tea bag stays in the cup longer!

What did the Mexican detective say in England?

I'm like Sherlock, holmes.

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the one on the right could drive for a change.

What's the difference between England and Oscar Pistorius?

England gets off scott-free.

What's got two wings, a tail and twenty five pricks?

England's return flight.

Why did the Siamese Twins travel to England?

So the other one could drive

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?

Paul gas coin!

What's the difference between the England football team and a teabag?

The teabag stays longer in the cup.

What famous chiropodist ruled England ?

William the Corn-cutter!

Why is the letter E like London?

Because it is the capital of England.

Why were India kicked out of the Soccer world Cup held in England in 1966 ?

A. Every time they were given a corner, they built a shop."

What is the most romantic city in England?

Loverpool!

What do terrorists and the England football team have in common?

They will never win

What do they do for the 4th of July in England?

Sulk.

What's the difference between England and an egg cup?

An egg can stay in the cup longer

What's next to England?

A question mark.

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

Why did Marxism never catch on in England?

Because then it'd be impossible to get proper tea.

Why is England the wettest country?

Monarchies have reigned there for centuries.

What's Christmas called in England ?

Yule Britannia !

Why is England so special?

Only they can pull out of Europe twice in a week.

What do you call the prince of england's donger?

The buckingham phallus.

Why is it "canceled" in America, but "cancelled" in England?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

Where's England, Jon?

He proudly answers: - Page 83.

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England ?

Because England was discovered before the USA !

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

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Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics?

Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.

What do you call four Mexicans working in a restroom?

Cuatro Sinko

Knight Jokes More Knight Jokes

What do you call a knighted cow?

Sir Loin

Where does monty python buy his water?

From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally.

Usa Jokes More Usa Jokes

Who succeeded the first President of the USA ?

The second one !

What do you call a deer without eyes?

No-eye deer! Note: we are from Hicksville, USA. This may not make sense without the Midwestern accent.

Discover Jokes More Discover Jokes

Which company saw the end of disco coming from a mile away?

Discover.

What did the Ukrainian Scientist receive after discovering the dangers of radiation?

A Chernobel Prize.

Oscar Pistorius Jokes More Oscar Pistorius Jokes

What did Oscar Pistorius say when his cellmate asked him how he ended up in prison?

I'm stumped."

Why didn't Oscar Pistorius get a new bathroom door?

Because his wife was dead-set against it...

Earl Grey Jokes More Earl Grey Jokes

Why didn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Why did Karl Marx hate Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?

A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Hell you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar?

Buck teeth!

Why shouldn't you buy underwear from the Ukraine?

Chernobyl fall out.