Grow Jokes

Because when they are kids their mothers always tell them: "If you grow up you have to work" *Translated from italian hope it makes as much sense as there

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Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?

In a stable environment. Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.

What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?

Let my peephole grow!

What is a Farmer's favorite pick-up line?

Girl. You look so good that I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!

What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife?

Let's grow MOLD together!

What's the best part about marrying a farmer?

You get to grow old together.

What does ever horse and rider do at the same time?

Grow old!

What's the difference between a banana and a bann?

A bann grows on vines. I'll show myself out........

What's the difference between a yogurt and the Americans?

If you leave a yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.

Why women mature faster than men?

Because men start growing breasts only after 40 years old.

Why is it called extra virgin olive oil?

Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.

What do you call trees that grow in Tobago?

Tobogany.

Why are hippies against capitalism?

Because money doesn't grow on trees.

How does an elephant go up a tree?

It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.

What if the Bible had a major typo and the Devil was really after our SOIL?

Maybe he just wants to grow some pot plants.

What's the 4th grade essay in the Detroit School District?

What I want to be *if* I grow up.

Where did the poor Italian man grow up?

The spaghetto

What does Garry Newman want to be when he grows up?

Garry Oldman.

Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time?

Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme.

Why are dead baby jokes so funny?

They never grow old.

What is the definition of a goose ?

An animal that grows down as it grows up !

What's te definition of a bachelor pad?

A. All the house plants are dead but there's something growing in the refrigerator.

What exactly do you have to plant to grow a seedless watermelon?

Just water

What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?

Garbage collectors.

What type of trees do chickens grow on?

Poul-trees

Why do adults like Legos so much, when they grow old?

They can't lego of their childhood. Tell some more Lego puns, here!

What's another name for an parent?

Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.

What's yellow has long ears and grows on trees?

The Easter Bunana!

What's the only thing that grows in Ferguson?

The crime rate.

How did the farmer grow his portfolio?

Cornstock

What do clouds want to be when they grow up?

Thunderstorms

Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet?

But most just have 4.

How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

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Bathroom Jokes More Bathroom Jokes

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because pterodactyls are extinct.

What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom?

Nothing, the pee is silent

Italian Jokes More Italian Jokes

What do Albanian kids want to be when they grow up?

Italian

Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?

Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, "TO NY".

Italian Man Jokes More Italian Man Jokes

Why are so many Italian men named Tony?

When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...

Why do Italian men grow moustaches?

They want to look like their mothers.

Feminist Jokes More Feminist Jokes

Why do feminists only drive cars with automatic transmissions?

It pains them to have standards.

Why did sumo wrestlers start shaving their legs?

To stop getting confused as feminists

Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

Whats the difference between a baby and a feminist?

At some point in its life, a baby will grow up and stop crying.

What's 12" long, rock hard in the morning, and makes a woman cry?

A dead baby.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How can you tell if your "designer clothes" are made in China?

If they look fabric-cated Very bad, I know. "This is why we don't have friends!!"

What did the neckbeard say when he looked in the mirror?

M'self

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

What did one ovary say to the other one?

What did one ovary say to the other one? "Did you order any furniture?" "No. Why?" asked the other. "Cause there's two nuts out there trying to deliver an organ."

Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

What do you call a black man who flies a plane?

a pilot, you racist

What's the difference between a black man and a white man in the US?

A white man makes it to prison.