Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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When do cows go to sleep?

Pasture bedtime.

How do you call a cow with no legs?

You don't, because cows don't have phones.

What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

What happens when you seduce a cow?

You get milk.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

What do you call a cow with five legs?

Rare.

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Tri-tip.

What did the cow say to the other cow?

HOLY SH*T A TALKING COW!

What happens when a cow jumps over barbed wire?

Udder destruction!

What do cows do on Sundays?

they go to the moovies

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What do you call a Cow on the moon?

A Moo - nwalker

How did the cow feel when it couldn't produce milk?

Udderly useless.

Why do cows have bells?

Because there horns don't work

What do you call a cross between a penguin and a cow?

Pregnant

What do you call a cow with no sense of humor ?

A feminist

How do you count cows?

You use a cow-culator. Or you round them up. Or any other method the commenters want.

What has four legs and goes 'Boo'?

A cow with a cold.

Why did the cow tip over?

Excellent service.

Why did the cows cross the road?

They wanted to go to the mooo....vies

What's the difference between a cow and 9/11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

Why did the cow return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do cows sit on?

Couches

What do you call a cow in a 6 second video?

A BoVine

Why did the cow explode?

Because it was a mooooooslim.

What do you call a cow during an earthquake?

A milkshake

What is the most certain way to prevent milk from souring?

Keep it in the cow.

Why did the hunter scold his blonde wife after she shot a moose over quota?

Cause when he asked her why she shot it, she replied: "I asked it what it was before I shot. But that cow wasn't gonna fool me!"

What type of cow produces both milk and potatos?

Your Mother.

What do you call cows that are best friends?

Brovines.

What do you call a cow having a seizure?

A milkshake.

What kind of newspaper do cows read?

The Moo York Times

What does a cow who's a jerk grow up to be?

Beef Jerky.

What happens when you give a cow a joint?

The steaks are high

What drugs do cows take?

Cow-caine

How do cows do math?

A cow-culator. haha haha ha ... ok, I'll leave.

How do cows go from one town to another?

they cowmmute.

What do you call a cow masterbating?

Beef stroganoff

What is a better name for cows?

Lawn mooers! My 12 year old sister made this up... She out dad joked me..and I'm a dad!

How do cows move in groups?

Si-MOO-taniously

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

What do you call a cow that will go down in history?

Legendairy From my young daughter

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

Why did the milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder

Where do cows go on movie night?

To the moooovie night.

How can working with cow hide help on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

What do you call a cow that can't produce milk?

Utterly useless

What do you call a cow stuck in a hurricane?

A milkshake.

How do you make beef stew?

Tell a cow they're being watched.

What do you tell a cow blocking a road?

Mooove

What do you call a cow that just had a baby?

Decalfinated

Why don't cows play poker?

Because it's a high steaks game

What did the cow say to the hay?

I chews you

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What does a cow say in the winter?

I'm udderly freezing!

What's the difference between slavery and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 150 years.

What makes cows and horses so valuable?

They have a lot of moo/neigh.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mother!

What do you call a cow with only legs on one side?

Lean Beef.

What did the farmer say when he found dynamite in one of his cows?

This is a bomb in a bull.

Why don't cows smoke weed?

The steaks would just be too high.

What did the cow is standing all alone in a field say?

Where are the udders? (Thanks to my three boys for that one!)

What do you call a cow if he enjoys burgers?

A cannibull

What's the difference between a cow and The Bible?

You can't milk a cow for 2,000 years.

What do you get if you walk under a cow?

A pat on the head.

Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11?

Americans cant milk a cow for 14 years.

What do you get when you sit under a cow?

A pat on the head.

What happened when the cow tried to milk itself?

It was an udder catastrophe.

What do you call a cow that can go 3000 feet per second?

A bull-ette.

What did the cow say to the police officer, giving a speeding ticket?

Miav.

What do you call a cow stable in Egypt?

A Mubarack

What did the cow say in winter?

Oh my god. I'm Friesian!

Why did the Chihuahua laugh?

The cow jumped over the moon.

How does a cow quickly do math?

With a cow-culator! (Rimshot)

Where do cows go when they die?

Burgertory

What do you call a cow thats had a hysterectomy?

Decaffeinated.

What did the farmer say when he tried to milk the cow, but nothing came out?

Time to try the udder one."

What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk?

A milk dud.

What's the difference between Walmart and India?

Well, one is filled with cows. And the other is in Asia.

What did the cow say when she got hit by a car?

Moo." What did the cow saw when she fell into a ditch? "Moo." What did the cow say when she fell onto the electric fence? "Moo." What did the cow say when she got hit by a train? "Why does everything always happen to meeee?" Protip: My dad wrote this joke for me when I was six.

What do you call a cow who's had an abortion?

A: De-calf-i-nated.

This joke may have profanity.

Why did the cow get a job at Google?

Because she was out standing in her field.

Why did the cow slap the bull?

He didn't play well with udders.

What do you call a moving company owned by cows?

A bunch of moooovers.

Where does a cow go to watch a film?

The mooovies. pls tell to friends.

What's the difference between a cow, and 9/11?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years.

What do you call a cow that goes online?

An eMoo.

What goes "Ooooooooooo!"?

A cow with no lips.

What did the cow say when she saw the Dalmatian?

Dam... I got to get in shape!

Why don't cows hang out with camels?

They're all a bunch of drama-dairies.

What's the difference between a cow who makes regular milk and a cow who makes chocolate milk?

A mootation

What do you call a cow who is also a knight?

Sir Loin.

What do you get if you cross history and a cow?

A moo-suem.

What's the difference between a cow and September 11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

How do cows communicate?

Moorse code.

What do you call an Arab who has many cows?

milk sheikh

What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane?

Ground beef

Why are cows so horny?

Cause they're always in the moo'd!

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?

Decaffeinated! Bah dum dum...ting

This joke may have profanity.

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What happens when you text while driving?

I don't know, I've never tri

What do you call a cow on no legs?

Ground beef. What do you call a cow on three legs Tri-Tip. What do you call a cow on two legs Your mom.

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What's the difference between your mom and a drug dealer?

Your mom can wash her crack and re-sell it.

What's the difference between your mom and my computer?

I can still turn your mom on.

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Why would you stay friends with an ex-girlfriend?

When you get fired from a job, you don't stay around and watch other people do your job.

How is a girlfriend like a pronoun?

Your's is possessive

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What do you call a twitching cow?

Beef Jerky

What's red like a strawberry, hard like beef jerky, smells like vinegar, and is found under your bed?

Me neither. Help.

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Why did the late man stand on the clock?

He wanted to be on time.

What do you want for breakfast?

Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast

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What did the Earth say to the Earthquake?

Sorry...that was my fault.

What did the ground say to the earthquake?

It's your fault!

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What do you call a car if you don't know its gender?

Mitsuheshe.

Why you should wash your car?

WASH YOUR CAR BECAUSE IT IS DIRTIER THAN MILEY CYRUS!