Cow Jokes

What do you get when a cow jumps in cold water?

Utter udder shudder.

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What do you call it when the only cow on your dairy farm won't produce milk?

Utter despair.

How can you tell a cow isn't listening to you?

Everything you say goes in one ear and out the udder!

Why was the cow scared about going into the slaughter house?

His life was at stake. Badum psh.

What do you call a cow that gets an abortion?

De-calf-inated

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

An udder disaster.

What did the farmer say after he fed his cows pot?

the Steaks are high."

Why do cows never walk out of horror movies?

They're able to stomach a lot.

Why did they stop feeding cows the round bails of Hay in Texas?

Because they weren't getting a square meal.

What can a cup of coffee and a cow that's had an abortion have in common?

They're both de-calf-inated.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a bull and a cow?

A bull smiles when you milk it.

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Why did the cow win a Nobel Prize?

Because he was out standing in his field.

How do you turn a fox into a cow?

Marry it

What happens when you find bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

What do you call a cow that has abortion?

Decaffeinated

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a cow that has given birth?

Decalfinated.

What do you call a cow that plays with itself?

Beef Stroganoff

What do you call a cow with one udder?

A bull.

Why should a midget not attempt to slaughter a cow?

The steaks are just too high.

What do you call a cow that gives no milk?

An udder failure.

What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?

I herd.

What did the cow say when she jumped off a cliff?

Geronimoo!"

What do you call a cow that got hit by a car?

moo-tilated.

What do you call it when a cow goes on holiday?

A vaccation

What do you think I should buy, a cow or a bike?

You'd look pretty funny riding a cow...but you'd look much worst milking a bike

What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow?

You stop milking the cow after ten years.

What do you call a cow that's just had a baby?

De-calfinated!

What US state has the most cows?

Moosouri!

What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?

Cold cream!

Why do cows lie down in the rain?

To keep each udder dry.

Why are cows always broke?

The farmers milk them dry.

How do you grow a cow?

Plant its nuts.

What is the most important use for cowhide?

To hold the cow together.

Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do you call a cow which can no longer produce milk?

An udder failure.

Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?

He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!

What is the golden rule for cows?

Do unto udders as you would have udders do to you!

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

the cow didn't make it.

Why do cows huddle together when it rains?

To keep each udder dry Courtesy of my significant other

What do you get when you enter a cow into the Kentucky Derby?

Milk and Bookies.

How does a cow add and subtract?

With a cowculator.

What did the potato ask the cow?

Give me some milk, and we can make mashed potatoes.

What do you call a cow that's swallowed a stick of dynamite?

Abominable.

What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?

A Moosician!

What goes ooooooo?

A cow with no lips. ) ) )

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

What has four legs and goes "Oom! Oom!"?

A cow walking backwards!

How do cows get their gossip?

They herd it through the bovine.

What do you have when you have a cow and two ducks?

A: Milk and quackers.

What's the best way to keep milk from turning sour?

A: Leave it in the cow.

What do cows do for entertainment?

They go to the mooooovies.

What would you call an Arab who owns a harem of cows?

A: A milk sheik!

What do you call a museum for cows?

A moo-seum.

What cows give each other when they meet?

A: A milkshake.

What do cows wear when they're vacationing in Hawaii?

Moo moos

What did the cow say about the beef industry?

I've got some steak in it.

What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?

An encownter group.

What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday?

A merry dairy!

Why do cows think cooks are mean?

They whip cream!

What happens when a cow stops shaving?

It grows a Moostache.

Why did the cow get an award?

For being outstanding in his field. Sorry.

Why do cows have hoofs?

Because they lack toes

Why can't cows do ballet?

Because they lactose.

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?

A stern rebuke from the Ethics Committee, and an immediate cessation of funding.

What's beef jerky?

Dried parts of a cow that had Parkinson's.

How did the blonde die drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on her.

How does a farmer count cows?

with a cow-calculator.

Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?

He wanted rich milk!

What do cows like to put on their hot dogs?

moostard

What do you get from pampering your cow?

Spoiled milk.

Where do cows go to hang out?

The slaughterhouse. Emphasis on **hang**.

What's the difference between a cow and Super Mario Bros?

A cow can't be milked for over 30 years

What do you get when you cross a cow with a kangaroo?

A kangamoo!

Where do cows like to ride on trains?

In the cow-boose.

How did the farmer move his cows?

In a mooving van!

Why do you take baths in milk?

I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."

What do you call martial arts for cows?

Mooey Thai.

What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher?

Ground round!

Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?

Because the cow has the utter.

What do cows say on Halloween?

Still moo.

How often does an oriental farmer milk his cows?

Dairy

Which newspaper is most popular around cows?

The Moo York Times

What did the Irish farmer say to his cow when it climbed onto the roof of his barn?

A: Get off.

What did the cow do when the farmer was about to hit him?

He mooved

What's the difference between my girlfriend and a cow?

Cows are real.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Because the farmer had cold hands

Why did Adele crawl under the cow?

to say hello from the udder side. I'll take my Oscar now.

Why do cows need four legs to walk?

Because they lactose. Moo

What do you get when you cross a cow with a trampoline?

A milkshake!

Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride?

Mooooootorcycles!

What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?

A lumpy milkshake.

What advice to cows give?

Turn the udder cheek and mooooove on!

What do you call a cow that starts it's own nudie magazine?

Hugh Heifer

Why do milking stools only have 3 legs?

Because the cow has the udder

Why are the steaks so high?

Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.

What did one cow say to the other?

Just the udder day!

What do cows usually fly around in?

Helicowpters and Bulloons.

How do you turn a cow into a steak?

You mootilate it.

How does a cow do math?

With a cowculator!

Why did the cow go to the psychologist?

She had a fodder complex.

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