Zombie Jokes

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

Where did the zombie go on his night out?

To the st club.

What was the vegan craving when he got bit by a zombie?

GRRRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNNSSSS

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What did the zombie say at the urinal?

I'm reliving myself.

What brand of underwear do zombies wear?

Haaaaaannnnnneeeeeessssss

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

How do you turn a computer into a zombie?

Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.

What's the difference between a zombie and a redneck?

One is a brainless, dirty, slow moving abomination, and the other is a zombie.

Why did the zombie move into a studio apartment?

Because he didn't need a living room anymore!

What kind of food do zombies hate?

Fast food

What's the difference between zombies?

Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't.

What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?

They had a mantic** time.

Why did the zombie get a gym membership?

Gaaaainsss

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

What do vegan zombies crave?

GRRAAAAINS!!

What do you love most in the world?

Me: You & your brother 4yo: Oh Me: What about you 4yo: The fire tree in Plants vs. Zombies Me: Oh

When the zombies want Twisties! take a look on this zombies viral video, serious feedback please :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=vdRiMBPbQ8

What'd be worse?

Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter

Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?

He threw his arm out.

What kind of cereal do zombies like?

Kellog's All Brain

What do you call memories of zombies?

FLESHBACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a lawsuit against a zombie?

Deceased and desist

Who are the most intelligent monsters?

Zombies (because, Braiiiiiiins!!!)

What did Joan Rivers say to the zombie?

Who are you wearing *

What do you call a group of zombies watching The Sixth Sense while on a cruise?

High Seas Dead People

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What's a zombies favourite brand of crisps?

Walkers

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?

I have made a grave mistake.

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

Why did the zombie cross the road?

To get his guts back. My three year old made that one up, I though it was pretty good :)

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party?

He didn't have the guts

What do you call a zombie that runs fast?

A zoombie.

What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie?

Then I can bang other chicks "

Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing?

He had deadlines to meet

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What the difference between a black guy and a donut?

One of them already had a hole before the cop saw it

What's the difference between a smart midget... What's the difference between a smart midget and a woman with a venereal disease?

Well, one's a cunning runt...

Brain Jokes More Brain Jokes

Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain?

A: I don't know. It hadn't really crossed my mind.

When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

A: After a dye job.

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What does a gamer call the zombie apocalypse?

The end of DayZ

Why is a sorority the safest place to be during a zombie apocalypse?

Because they're looking for braaaaaaaaaains

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What do women want?

She has been talking nonstop for the last two days.

What do you tell a women with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

Bite Jokes More Bite Jokes

Why are hot dogs the best dogs?

Because they feed the hand that bites them.

What is the difference between like, love, hate, and showing off?

Spit, swallow, bite, and gargle.

Decompose Jokes More Decompose Jokes

What do songwriters do after they die?

They decompose

What's Beethoven doing in his grave?

He's decomposing.

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What do you call 5 people sitting In two rows?

Tetris

What do you call a row of trucks covered in mozzarella?

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Where is the safest place to be during an earthquake?

A: a hot air balloon #JonsSafetyTips #Safety #safetyTip #EarthquakeSafetyFacts

Why is the galley the safest place to be on a capsizing ship?

Because everything but the kitchen sinks. =D