Zombie Jokes

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

Where did the zombie go on his night out?

To the st club.

What was the vegan craving when he got bit by a zombie?

GRRRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNNSSSS

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What did the zombie say at the urinal?

I'm reliving myself.

What brand of underwear do zombies wear?

Haaaaaannnnnneeeeeessssss

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

How do you turn a computer into a zombie?

Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.

What's the difference between a zombie and a redneck?

One is a brainless, dirty, slow moving abomination, and the other is a zombie.

Why did the zombie move into a studio apartment?

Because he didn't need a living room anymore!

What kind of food do zombies hate?

Fast food

What's the difference between zombies?

Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't.

What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?

They had a mantic** time.

Why did the zombie get a gym membership?

Gaaaainsss

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

What do vegan zombies crave?

GRRAAAAINS!!

What do you love most in the world?

Me: You & your brother 4yo: Oh Me: What about you 4yo: The fire tree in Plants vs. Zombies Me: Oh

When the zombies want Twisties! take a look on this zombies viral video, serious feedback please :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=vdRiMBPbQ8

What'd be worse?

Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter

Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?

He threw his arm out.

What kind of cereal do zombies like?

Kellog's All Brain

What do you call memories of zombies?

FLESHBACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a lawsuit against a zombie?

Deceased and desist

Who are the most intelligent monsters?

Zombies (because, Braiiiiiiins!!!)

What did Joan Rivers say to the zombie?

Who are you wearing *

What do you call a group of zombies watching The Sixth Sense while on a cruise?

High Seas Dead People

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What's a zombies favourite brand of crisps?

Walkers

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?

I have made a grave mistake.

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

Why did the zombie cross the road?

To get his guts back. My three year old made that one up, I though it was pretty good :)

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party?

He didn't have the guts

What do you call a zombie that runs fast?

A zoombie.

What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie?

Then I can bang other chicks "

Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing?

He had deadlines to meet

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Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why is it better to be ashy?

cause it just means you spit more fire

Why did the hipster dislike physics?

Cause the system is broke, yo.

Safe Place Jokes More Safe Place Jokes

Where's the safest place to hide money from a man?

Under the soap

What's the safest place in Dallas during a tornado?

The Cowboys stadium, the only place there'll never be a touchdown

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What happened when Jesus forgot to look both ways?

He died on the cross!

Why was the UKIP voter angry?

Because he didn't like the look of the Poles (for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why does everybody else get the brunt of the jokes?

Let me hear something different.

Why aren't there very many jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones?

The punchline is too long.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of pizza would the twin towers order?

Two plains.

What kind of tape do kidnappers use?

abDUCT tape

Brain Jokes More Brain Jokes

Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain?

A: I don't know. It hadn't really crossed my mind.

When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?

Not yet," she replied

Brian Jokes More Brian Jokes

What is a zombies' favorite food?

Brains. What is a dyslexic zombies' favorite food Brians.

Where's Brian?

Me: studying her closely He's... right here

Redneck Jokes More Redneck Jokes

What are the famous last words of a redneck?

Hey ya'll, watch this!"

What does a pimp and a redneck have on common?

They both like to throw a ho-down.