Mosquito Jokes

What do you call Muslims at the end of their religious service?

Mosquitoes

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What do you call a crazy guy in a room full of mosquitoes?

A bit neurotic.

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

You can't. A mosquito is a vector and the mountain climber is a scaler. Courtesy of my physics professor.

What happens when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scaler.

What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora?

M'laria

What is the difference between a fly and a mosquito?

A mosquito can "fly", but a fly can not "mosquito".

What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

Nothing, you can't cross a vector and a scalar.

How can you tell if there's a mosquito in your bed?

By the "M" on his pajamas.

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. But I don't know how they got in there.

What do mosquitoes think of people who wear bug spray?

They are just OFF-full

What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing you can't cross a vector with a scaler.

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What do you call A Tale of Two Mosquitoes?

A bite-time story.

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

A: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.

What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro?

zika blyat

What religion do mosquitoes follow?

Muslim, because they go to a mosque...ito. Sorry.

What animal gets applauded?

The mosquito.

What do you get if you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

No one knows. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Why are mosquitos religious ?

They prey on you !

What does mosquito say when its parents die?

shhhhhh.....it !!

What did the neckbeard say to the mosquito?

M'laria

What do you get when a mountain climber crosses a mosquito?

You can't cross a scalar and a vector.

Why did the mosquito go to the dentist ?

To improve his bite !

What fever did Joe Dirt catch on vacation after getting bit by a mosquito?

Deeeeeeeeeeengue

Why are mosquitoes annoying?

Because they get under your skin.

What do you get when you combine a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing! You can't cross scalars and vectors.

What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?

A golden opportunity

What is a mosquito's favourite sport ?

Skin-diving !

What did one mosquito say to another when they came out of the cinema?

Fancy a bite

What do you get when you cross a mountain-climber with a mosquito?

Nothing, you can't cross a scaler with a vector.

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2...and don't ask me how they got in there. (My 87 year old grandma just told me this one)

Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito?

Because an itch in time saves nine.

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Fedora Jokes More Fedora Jokes

Why was the guy wearing the fedora upset?

Because you didn't ask him what band he's in.

What does a neckbeard tip his fedora to in soviet russia?

M'otherland"

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!

How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Do you know yet Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more

Fly Jokes More Fly Jokes

Why couldn't the chicken fly through the window?

A: It was closed.

How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?

A: By witchful thinking.

Room Jokes More Room Jokes

How many Missouri Police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just shoot the room for being black.

What kind of room has no walls?

A mushroom!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference....?

What's the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

What's the difference between God and an electrician?

A: God doesn't think **he's** an electrician.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants?

So you can read her lips!

Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?

At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What do tigers wear in bed ?

Stripey pyjamas !

How do you stop a black guy from jumping on a bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

Rio De Janeiro Jokes More Rio De Janeiro Jokes

What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro?

zika blyat

What Pokemon would you catch in Rio De Janeiro?

Zikachu.