Act Jokes

Why didn't Mark Hamill go crazy while voice acting as the Joker?

Because he overcame the dark side

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What is a group of hooligans acting like they are Vietnamese called?

Gang, 'Nam Style.

What do you call the act of press-ganging someone into a monastery?

Force of habit.

What do you call a Mexican who acts like a white person?

A Juan-a-be

What do you call an Asian who acts like he is black?

A ripe bananna

Why can't an IT guy be a doctor?

Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange. . . Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

What's the art of having multiple personalities?

Acting

What does a Satanist take when their allergies to Christians act up?

Anti amine's

What do people hate about CEOs of big internet companies?

They act too paowerful

What do auditioning for an acting role and playing sports have in common?

If you break a leg, you get cast

What should PMS be called?

Ovary-acting

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How did the florist act after getting her dream job?

Got so excited she wet her plants.

Why was Pinocchio acting drunk?

He couldn't handle his lacquer

What's the difference between Bono and Jesus?

Jesus didn't walk around Dublin acting like he's Bono.

What did the black kid get on his ACT?

BBQ sauce

What do you call 2 ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux

What's the difference between a politician and an actor?

One acts solely for money, the other is the actor.

How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task?

A certain number! One to actually perform the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group.

How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.

Why do you want to be a psychiatrist?

pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people

What's wrong honey?

My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station*

Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

Why did the dad say the joke instead of act it out?

Because it was cheesier said than done.

What do Congressional Republicans and ISIS in Afghanistan have in common?

Their first act since arriving was to go after the elderly.

What is the hardest part about your wife telling you she has AIDS?

Acting surprised.

What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom?

If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy

Why do emo's always act so sour?

Because you can't spell Lemon without emo.

Why do Mexican students act like they own the school?

Because there mom cleans it and there dad fixed the roof

How to get a job on Game of Thrones: Q: Can you act?

A: Sorta Q: Will you get naked A: Yes HIRED!

How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut.

What do you get when you cross dancing and an act of god?

Deus Ex Macarena

Why do rednecks act like such morons?

Who says they're acting "

What do you call it when a person acts holy for a night then sins every day after?

A one night stand with Jesus

What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard?

It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!

Why did the magician always use trap doors during his act?

It was juts a stage he was going through.

Why did the computer act crazy?

It had a screw loose.

Which burgers love to act?

Ham-burgers!

Why do men act like idiots?

Who says they're acting

Who threw that?

Gary, was that you Don't act innocent, I know you download music illegally.

What do you call it when one musician abuses another?

An act of violins.

What do you call a Mexican that acts like a white person?

A wiener

What did the right testlcle say to the left?

Look at this guy in the middle trying to act all hard

Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday?

He's trying to age disgracefully!

Who is the prettiest of my friends?

Me: your mother, why W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again.

How many men does it take to make popcorn?

Four one to hold the pot and three to act macho and shake the stove.

What sort of an act do you do?

I bend over backwards and pick up a handkerchief with my teeth. Anything else Then I bend over backwards and pick up my teeth.

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Vietnamese Jokes More Vietnamese Jokes

What do you call a Vietnamese wedding?

A Win-Win situation.

What do Vietnamese historians and Southern rednecks have in common?

They both care way too much about the c Dynasty.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What do you call a really extraordinary farmer?

A man outstanding in his field.

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome a good lover and a stimulating partner?

A. In the pages of a romance novel.

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What do you call a group of Idiots?

Congress

What do you call a group of trees?

A communitree

Sport Jokes More Sport Jokes

What is Zoolander's least favourite sport?

Nascar If you can even call it a sport.

What inning is it?

is not a valid Football related question. Sports are hard.

Asian Jokes More Asian Jokes

What do you call an asian who hates black people?

A member of the Kru Krux Kran

What do you call a confused Asian person?

Disoriental.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why did the boy peek down the toilet bowl?

He was trying to find Winnie the Pooh.

What did the Illuminati say when they tried to read someone's mind, but failed to do so?

Curses, foiled again!"

Monastery Jokes More Monastery Jokes

What did the Gregorian monk say when he was kicked out of the monastery?

Give me one more chants!

How many pretty girls are there at a monastery?

Nun.

Joker Jokes More Joker Jokes

What did the anti-joker say to the joker?

I'm Batman.

What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin?

They became flatman and ribbon. has left the building.