Garden Jokes

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can "hoe, hoe, hoe."

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Why do the rich enjoy tending to their gardens?

Because the they have an excuse to buy hose

What kind of gardening is done in the hood?

Weeding

How do you know which pepper in the garden is the nosiest?

it's the one that's jalapeo business!!!

What do you call an epileptic in the garden?

Seizure salad

What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden?

Rudolph's red hose rain gear...

What do ladies-of-the-night do when in their garden?

They hoe it.

Where is your wife ?

In the garden. -But I don't see her. -Oh, you just have to dig a little.

What do you get when you cross worms with elephants?

Big holes in your garden

What's white, digs holes in your garden and helps with headaches?

A paracetamole!

What do you get when you cross a garden, a rabbit, and some ExLax?

For the love of everything sacred on reddit please do not make me actually key the answer....okay, let's say it together, "Salad Shooter".

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What's brown and runs around your garden?

Your fence.

How do you stop your dog digging holes in your garden?

By hiding the shovel in the shed/garage

Why is the retirement center nicknamed "the garden"?

Because it is full of vegetables.

Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?

Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.

What's the best part about gardening?

Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

What is the fiercest flower in the garden ?

The tiger lily !

What did the priest say when watering his garden?

Let us spray.

What is your line of business?

Me mumbling: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.

What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant ?

Very big worm holes in your garden !

What does a pimp do when his garden needs tending?

He grabs a hoe.

Why is your dad chasing those pigs through the garden?

We're raising mashed potatoes.

What's left of a garden after it catches on fire?

Chard remains.

What is a dogs favourite flower ?

Anything in your garden !

How do you make an apple puff?

Chase it round the garden

Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden?

He wanted to raise some hard cash.

What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?

It made him wed his plants!

How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A. They were really put out.

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball it drives them nuts!

Where would men be without women?

The Garden of Eden

How do you stop a monster digging up your garden?

Take his spade away.

What do you call an epileptic frolicking in a garden?

Seizure salad.

What do you can an epileptic What do you call an epileptic in a garden?

Seizure salad. edit: fixed the word 'call'

What do you call an Irish man who lives in your back garden?

Patti O'Furniture

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New Jersey Jokes More New Jersey Jokes

Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers?

New Jersey had first choice.

Why should you never buy golf equiptment made in New Jersey?

Because New Jersey drivers are terrible

Wallet Jokes More Wallet Jokes

Why is New Jersey called the Garden State?

Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house.

How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen?

Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up....

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What did Anakin Skywalker cry out as he lay dying and on fire?

Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one

Why do monks wear the same clothes every day?

Because old habits die hard.

Server Jokes More Server Jokes

Why won't Apple's new MacBook sell well?

because it has NO FANS!!! (get it no fans ... thank you!! don't forget to tip your server.)

What did the server say when the customer requested something they didn't have?

404

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of money do snowmen use?

Iced lolly.

What are the three kinds of women's cancer?

1. Breast Cancer 2. Ovarian Cancer 3. Feminism

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why don't you ever callout my name when we're making love?

Husband: "Because I don't want to wake you."

Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens?

A: Because she wanted to mail a litter.

Excuse Jokes More Excuse Jokes

What did the poop said to the other poop?

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

Why should I excuse your dear aunt Sally?

Her operations were not unprecedented.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

Why does Santa give better presents to rich kids?

Because poor kids have behavioural problems! *rimshot*

Who corrects Santa's grammar?

A subordinate Clause.