Italian Jokes

How did the Italians lose WWII?

They ordered ziti instead of shells.

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What's the Italian word for suppository?

Innuendo

Why do Italians make good spies?

Because they're masters of "DEESE GUYS!"

Why did the Italian boy want to grow a mustache?

A: So he could look like his mama.

What do you call an Italian guy wearing a flourescent track suit?

A DayGlo Dago

What do you call the Italian slums?

The spaghettos.

What did the Italian bigfoot say when someone yelled, "Hey Abominable Snowman, are you ready to go?

Not-a-Yeti"

What do you call an Italian at the World Cup Finals?

A referee

How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one ?

By her suntan !

What sound does an Italian American microwave make?

Bada bing!

What do you call an Italian suppository?

Innuendo.

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What did the Italian say when 6 curses were removed from him?

Hexagon.

How many Italians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Two. One to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan.

What do you call an Italian guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto

What does an Italian... What does an Italian have when one arm is shorter than the other?

A speech impediment. AY!

How do Italian Chefs swap recipes?

By Spaghett-e-mail!

What are an Italian bench warmer's favorite vegetables?

Asparagi!

When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face?

When her mustache is on fire!

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

Why did the Italian miss his dinner?

It'a was'a pasta his bed time

What do you call Italian women in a sauna?

A: Gorillas In The Mist!

What do you call it if you put an IED on an Italian?

Rigatoni!

What's the difference between virgin olive oil and extra virgin olive oil?

thick Italian accent* "She don't even touch it."

What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian?

One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.

What does the Italian cat say?

Cheow!

What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called?

A: Ptera Don

How do you make an Italian deaf?

Tie their hands behind their back.

Why can't an Italian snake talk?

Because it doesn't have any hands.

What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?

Ja-scusi.

Why are south italian men so small?

Because when they are kids their mothers always tell them: "If you grow up you have to work" *Translated from italian hope it makes as much sense as there

Why should you always knock before opening the refrigerator?

Because there might be an Italian dressing.

What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood?

A spaghetto

What do you call authentic Italian wine harvested in January?

Genuwine.

What do you call an Italian that has taken Viagra?

Al dente

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a lazy Italian at the gym?

Mussolini

What's another word for Italian cologne?

Garlic

Why does the Italian pasta maker always get locked out of his house?

because he has gnocchi

Why couldn't the Italian get into his house?

Because he had gnocchi.

How can you tell if someone is Italian?

They'll tell you.

What is an Italian mobster's favorite cooking oil?

Cannoli Oil.

What happened when the Italian chef died?

He pasta away

What do you call... What do you call an Italian romance novel model who's let himself go?

Flabio.

Why Did the Italian Go to the Sauna?

For a self'a steam.

What do you call an Italian Yeti?

A Spaghyeti!

Where do impoverished Italians live?

In the spaghetto

What happened to the pimp who ate too much Italian food?

He got Pasta-toots.

Why are Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

Why don't they let Italians swim in Long Island Sound?

If you know that one, try this one: Why do seagulls fly to the dump

Where did the poor Italian man grow up?

The spaghetto

What is an Italian's favorite type of breakfast?

Serie-a*l

Why couldn't the Italian chef get into his restaurant?

Gnocchi.

What do you get when you cross an (italian) with a gorilla?

A retarded gorilla. (Can be modified to offend any nationality or group)

What did the Mexican say to the Italian?

Que pasta

What do you call an Italian whore?

A pastatute. I'll see myself out.

This joke may have profanity.

What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?

You wanna pizza me !

What do you call an Italian reggae enthusiast?

A pastafarian

What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia?

Thrown in a lake.

What do you call an Italian mobster who specializes in cold coffee drinks?

Al Frap-Pacino

What kind of railway is an Italian engineer's favourite?

Funicula

What does an Italian cow say when he gets an extra delivery of hay to the barn?

That's amorehay!

How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One but don't expect results.

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Wittness?

They don't like any witnesses.

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Sidewalk Jokes More Sidewalk Jokes

What did the pink panther say as he skipped down the sidewalk?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead annnnnt, deaaad ant.

What do you say to an Italian who is urinating on the sidewalk?

European!

Raphael Jokes More Raphael Jokes

What do you say to the teenage mutant ninja turtle Raphael when he is holding a miniature version of his weapons?

Those are the wrong Sais

What do Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael have in common?

They're all Renaissance Italian artists.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What's the last thing you want to hear when you're blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson."

What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?

Stand back! I don't know how big it's going to get!

European Jokes More European Jokes

Why did the European businessman sleep on the streets?

To avoid a hostel takeover.

If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?

European

Renaissance Jokes More Renaissance Jokes

What do Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael have in common?

They're all Renaissance Italian artists.

What Biblical and Renaissance characters does Hillary most resemble?

A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why couldn't the physicist get the Standard Model to work?

Because it wouldn't commute!

Why does no work ever get done on the Sun?

Because it's always a Sun day

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you stop a ginger from drowning?

You throw him a lifesaver and tell him to grab on to it.

How can you tell retarded kids form the art students?

Retards don't wear Black.

Lover Jokes More Lover Jokes

What does a South Korean call their lover?

Their Seoul Mate.

What's the difference between Ann Coulter and shooting arrows at lovers?

Shooting arrows at lovers is a Cupid stunt.