Kind Jokes

What kind of health insurance does a llama need?

Ollamacare

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What kind of trainer are you?

T: I'm a Megan Trainor.

What kind of bug wants to buy lawn turf?

A gras shopper.

What kind of trucks do pigs drive?

A pig up truck

What kind of bait do you need to catch a master fish?

Super Bait

What kind of dog can you best see in the dark?

A glowberman pinscher!

What kind of house does a stoned loaf of bread live in?

A high rise

What kind of music does a printer make?

A paper jam.

What kind of sound does a horny toad make?

Rubbit, rubbit.

This joke may have profanity.

What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire?

They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises.

What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?

Cauliflowers!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What kind of buildings do terrorists have on their farms?

Allahu akbarns (I'm going to hell)

What kind of tea does an anarchist drink?

Cheap generic iced tea. Because proper tea is theft.

What kind of railway is an Italian engineer's favourite?

Funicula

What's the difference between America and a tub of yogurt?

After 200 years the yogurt would have developed some kind of culture.

What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?

Eski-moos!

What kind of tableware do gym trainers use?

Pilates

When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

What kind of engine did you put in it?

cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.

What kind of pants do the Super Mario Bros. wear?

Denim denim denim..... I'll see myself out.

What kind of money do fishermen make ?

Net profits !

What kind of dog can tell time?

A clockshund!

What's a politicians favorite kind of dance move?

Poll dancing!

What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone?

Shelfies.

What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?

OC I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.

What kind of shoes does a thief wear?

Sneakers

What kind of award did the dentist receive?

A little plaque.

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

A stega-snore-us.

What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?

A Fermilabrador Retriever.

What kind of magic do cows believe in?

MOODOO.

What kind of music do planets listen to?

Nep-tunes.

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo jeans.

What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree!

What kind of music do welders like?

Heavy metal.

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Water Jokes More Water Jokes

What is the difference between a boat and a woman?

The boat cuts through the water, a woman waters through the cut.

What do you get when water washes away dirt?

a road

Hodor Jokes More Hodor Jokes

How does Bran Stark get into a whorehouse?

Hodor.

What would an employee only entrance to a brothel be called in Westeros?

A Hodor...

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

What did the pirate say after his first-mate stuck the wheel in his pants?

ARGHH! You're driving me nuts!"

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck an ear (buccaneer).

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?

Jesus doesn't have any tattoos of Mexicans.

Why couldn't Jesus waterski?

Because he never existed.

Gold Jokes More Gold Jokes

How do you starve a Socialist?

You hide their food stamps under their work boots. Edit Thank you /u/DoctorBrohoof for my first gold!

Why did the boy fall off the bike?

Someone threw a fridge at him.... Gold

Different Kind Jokes More Different Kind Jokes

Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread?

Well, we had to do something with the ovens.

How many different kinds of crabs can you get in Baltimore?

Two, and often from the same person.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What's the difference between Sammy and Scooby-Doo?

Scooby-Doo doesn't have a dog.

What kind of dog do IT people prefer?

A Dobie

Eel Jokes More Eel Jokes

What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?

A slippery customer.

What kind of eel is this?

Diner at the sushi restaurant: "What kind of eel is this?" Waiter: "Do you love it?" Diner: "yeah" Waiter: "Then, that's a moray"