Kind Jokes

What kind of ants are very learned ?

Pedants !

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What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes?

Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder.

What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?

A Hyundai.

What kind of bird is that?

Just look at that bird!

What kind of dinosaur writes poetry?

A Bronte-saurus.

What kind of tea does water make?

Humiditea.

What kind of underwear does Severus Snape wear?

Always.

What kind of fish is made of just two atoms?

2 Na

What kind of olives do I like?

Olive them

What kind of whale flies?

Pilot whales!

What kind of computer says "Hello"?

A Dell

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What kind of music do phones love to hear?

A symphony

What kind of jeans does mario wear?

Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

What kind of tree barks?

A dogwood!!

What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese?

Swish cheese.

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

What kind of cars do rabbits drive?

Hop rods.

What kind of limes open doors?

A: Key limes.

What kind of stupid phone you got there?

Him: Windows phone Me: Oh takes it and lobs it out the window Yes it is

What kind of books do fruit read?

Pulp Fiction

Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer?

Black Red or Iced Iced Ink Well yes you do but I didn't want to mention it.

What kind of country has a clown problem?

The same one that has 2 clowns running for president!

What kind of math do feminists study ?

Triggernometry

What kind of soda do dogs drink?

Barq's Root Beer.

What kind of CB Radio do seagulls use?

Squawky-talkies!

What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?

A: Rep Tiles

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang mail.

What kind of music do sponges listen to?

Raggaeneration.

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

What kind of ant can you colour with ?

A crayant !

What kind of stories does Eli Whitney tell on Easter?

Cottontales

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

What kind of erection does a burn victim get?

Firewood.

What kind of milk does Mitt Romney drink?

What kind of car did Jesus drive?

a manual.

What kind of car does a viking drive?

A fjord

What kind of trees watch kids in Mexico?

Baby cedar

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

What kind of patients?

All of them"

What kind of ship never sinks?

A dictatorship. *sobs*

What kind of seagull flies over a bay?

A Bay-gull

What kind of scary bees can produce milk?

boo bees

What kind of bell doesn't ring?

A dumbbell.

What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands?

A pocket watch.

What kind of bus can cross the ocean?

A Columbus.

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air ?

A seahorse !

What kind of oranges do you take on a boat?

Naval oranges. I'msosorry.

What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs?

A Dell.

What kind of sandwich is this?

She asks. "It cheese ma."

What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use?

A salt rifle.

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows

What kind of suit does a bee wear to work?

A: A buzzness suit!

What kind of jeans do ghosts wear?

Boo Jeans

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What kind of tea isn't fake?

A property

What kind of ant can count?

An account*ant*.

What kind of coat does a vampire wear in the rain?

A wet one.

What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A: A counter spy.

What kind of database does a Pokedex use?

PokeMongoDB

What kind of cereal does Microsoft make?

Wind O's

What kind of venereal disease does a Stormtrooper get?

An AT-STD.

What kind of music do cows listen to?

dadjoke) MOOOOOsic.

What kind of a star can be risky?

A shooting star!

What kind of ears does an engine have?

Engineers

What kind of light makes the best US president?

A blinkin' light

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ?

A bud hound !

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.

What kind of drugs do ducks use?

Quack.

What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?

Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.

What kind of guitar did the pool player own?

A: A-cue-stick.

What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

White Infidel.

What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?

Well, that's a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff's new here

What kind of NUT would make a pie for THANKSGIVING?

Pecan, typically.

What kind of phone makes music?

A saxophone.

What kind of car do ghosts drive?

BOOgatti!

What kind of zoo has no animals except for a small, yappy dog?

A shih tzu

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin medicine.

What kind of photos do turtles take?

Shellfies

What kind of printer does a pig use?

A: An oinkjet.

What are a plumbers least favorite kind of shoe?

Clogs.

What kind of shoes does bread wear?

Loafers.

What kind of tie does a pig wear ?

Pig's tie !

What kind of hair do oceans have ?

Wavy !

What kind of laundry detergent do handicapped people use?

Downy. I apologize for this one, it's pretty mean. I really do sympathize with handicapped people.

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

What kind of juice do you get from sick lemons?

LemonAIDS

Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?

You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.

What kind of drugs do ducks take?

The snort quack.

What kind of punch hurts the most?

A Sandy Hook.

What kind of music does a rubber duck listen to?

Rub-a-dubstep!

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ?

Fang letters !

What kind of chocolate swims in the ocean?

scubGodivas.

What kind of organization is Atheism?

Non-prophet.

What kind of letters would you send to capital cities?

A: Capital letters.

What do cows like to line dance to ?

Any kind of moosic you like !

What kind of bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween?

Mash-scara!

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Vitamin D Jokes More Vitamin D Jokes

Why are all lesbians ill?

They lack vitamin D

What kind... What kind of vitamins pirates take?

Vitamin "D".

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.

Thank you very much, sir.

What do you get when you cross a muppet with the Loch Ness monster?

Messie Thank you and goodnight.

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What do you call a judge with no left hand and left leg?

He is alright, but one sided!

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

Bullet Jokes More Bullet Jokes

What's the difference between bullets and people?

People miss Harambe

What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack?

A Tupac...

Build Jokes More Build Jokes

Why did nVidia built the first self-driving car?

on all conditions) Because their drivers keep crashing.

Why is the Statue of Liberty a woman?

Because the head had to be empty in order to build a restaurant.

Toilet Paper Jokes More Toilet Paper Jokes

What does Taylor Swift tell her boyfriend when he gets toilet paper stuck on his arse?

Shake it off

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

No one knows it's never happened.

Waiter Jokes More Waiter Jokes

Why couldn't the Hungarian programmer buy a third long?

Because he only had Forints! Thank you thank you, tip your waiter.

Why do waiters prefer elephants to flies?

Have you ever heard anyone complaining of a elephant in their soup .

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What do lesbians use to get on top of a building?

A scissor lift.

Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar douche?

Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.