Buddhist Jokes

Nothing wrapped in Emptiness. How did the birthday child respond? You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift. To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

What did the Buddhist get for Christmas?

Presence.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist?

A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.

What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?

Om-bre

Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?

He had no attachments.

How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure?

Ohmmmmmm............

Why do buddhist make bad vacuum salesman?

They can't deal with attachments.

What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why do Buddhist monks have such sour faces?

Because they're acetic.

How do Buddhist monks compare interests?

With zen diagrams!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?

Bad cam'ra

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

Enlightenmint! More Gum Jokes!

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Jehovah's Witness?

knock knock knock... excuse me sir, but do you have a few minutes to discuss nothing

Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?

Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

Make me one with everything*

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the changes necessary will come from within.

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Law Jokes More Law Jokes

What do you call a psychic midget on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

What do you call a midget psychic that's on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with Chinese food?

Hop suey!

What do you get when you cross the New World Order and risque behavior?

The Illuminaughty

Redneck Jokes More Redneck Jokes

Why do Rednecks love cheeseburgers?

Because they are in bread.

What do you call a redneck virgin?

A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, two, two

How many skaters does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but it will take 13 attempts.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call a drill on the North Pole that just wants to get to know people?

An icebreaker

Why do people say half a dozen?

Why can't they just say Six

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.

How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because little boys don't fit in a lightbulb.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What would you like?

ME:What would YOU like W:Excuse me M:No one ever asks you, do they W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you.

What does Apu say when people leave him to browse reddit?

Thank you, Karma gain

Email Jokes More Email Jokes

Because of their Crystal Balls EDIT: I'm not sure if anyone's posted this before my mum's sister emailed her from across the globe.(New Zealand) I laughed so hard I thought I'd put it here. Credit goes to my Mum's sister though.

Why can't you email jokes to a jedi?

Because attachments are forbidden

Buddhist Jokes

How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

How do Buddhist monks send emails?

What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

What does a redneck Buddhist believe in?

Why can't Buddhists vacuum in corners?

Why shouldn't you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine?

What's a Buddhist's favorite physics law?

What is an omelette?

How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry?

What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

What does a Buddhist order from a hotdogs vendor?

What do you call a violent Buddhist?

What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer?

What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?