Buddhist Jokes

How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they enlighten themselves.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How do Buddhist monks send emails?

They remove all attachments.

What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything

What does a redneck Buddhist believe in?

Reintarnation.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum in corners?

Because they don't have attachments!

Why shouldn't you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine?

Because doing so would be incense-itive!

What's a Buddhist's favorite physics law?

Om's Law.

What is an omelette?

A small Buddhist.

How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

They don't believe in the concept of a selfie.

Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry?

they have too many ohms to be good conductors.

What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

Nah. I'ma stay.

What does a Buddhist order from a hotdogs vendor?

One with everything

What do you call a violent Buddhist?

A Zero.

What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer?

I literally chant even..."

What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

Ommm' lettes!

What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?

Nothing wrapped in Emptiness. How did the birthday child respond? You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift. To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

What did the Buddhist get for Christmas?

Presence.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist?

A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.

What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?

Om-bre

Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?

He had no attachments.

How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure?

Ohmmmmmm............

Why do buddhist make bad vacuum salesman?

They can't deal with attachments.

What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why do Buddhist monks have such sour faces?

Because they're acetic.

How do Buddhist monks compare interests?

With zen diagrams!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?

Bad cam'ra

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

Enlightenmint! More Gum Jokes!

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Jehovah's Witness?

knock knock knock... excuse me sir, but do you have a few minutes to discuss nothing

Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?

Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

Make me one with everything*

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the changes necessary will come from within.

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Refuse Jokes More Refuse Jokes

What do you call a dress that refuses to learn?

Clothes-minded.

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why do they attach chains to their pens?

If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

Omelette Jokes More Omelette Jokes

What does an egg say when he's getting turnt?

Omelette!!

What is an omelette?

A small Buddhist.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many did it take last year

How many believable competent "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: It's going to be a dark 4 years isn't it

Vacuum Jokes More Vacuum Jokes

What do you call someone who cleans vacuums?

A vacuum cleaner.

Why is outer space so clean?

It's a vacuum!

Buddhist Monk Jokes More Buddhist Monk Jokes

What did the Buddhist monk say when he approached the hotdog stand?

Make me one with everything.

Why do Buddhist monks have such sour faces?

Because they're acetic.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What are the 5 best Vegetables of all time?

tink about it. Gai lan, gai lan... gai lan, gai lan, and gai lan. (thanks to Chapelle show skit((making the band)))

Who's the only one who doesn't say thanks on Thanksgiving?

The Turkey.

Email Jokes More Email Jokes

Why can't you email jokes to a jedi?

Because attachments are forbidden

How does Dalai Lama send emails?

With no attachments.