Boyfriend Jokes

What did the girlfriend say to her boyfriend that was bitten by a zombie?

You're dead to me"

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What did the girlfriend, say to her boyfriend, when he showed up for sushi?

Wha suh b?

Why did the German girl count to three, then cry?

Because her boyfriend was going in .

Why did I carve a heart with me and my boyfriends initials into a tree?

To sharpen the knife

Why did the wheelchair-bound girlfriend break up with her boyfriend?

He kept pushing her around.

What do you call the boyfriend of a beheaded prositute?

The headless whore's man

This joke may have profanity.

What does a feminist get when she can't afford a punching bag?

A boyfriend.

What did the midget give her boyfriend after his concert?

A Standing Blow-vation.

What did the woman do when she broke up with her boyfriend for her Mexican lover?

Go the other guey.

What did the cannibal do after dumping her boyfriend?

She wiped her arse.

What does Taylor Swift tell her boyfriend when he gets toilet paper stuck on his arse?

Shake it off

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Why is it so difficult for women to find a man who is sensitive, caring, and good looking?

All of those guys already have boyfriends.

Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?

He was a boar.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What did the melon tell her boyfriend when he proposed?

Yes but we cantaloupe.

How does a tractor break up with its boyfriend?

With a John Deere letter.

What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?

A: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked ZZZZ ... :)

What is your sin, child?

My husband and I are arguing That's very common. ...about my boyfriend.

What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

About 45 pounds. What's the differece between a husband and a boyfriend 45 minutes

Why did the hipster break up with her boyfriend?

He didn't have all the 7" he kept talking about.

Why did a girl leave his boyfriend for a mushroom?

because he wasn't a fungi!

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?

I love you with all my art!"

How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight?

You fit into his clothes.

Why did the melon leave her boyfriend?

He said he can't elope.

Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?

He said it was too tight."

What's the difference between your boyfriend and whipped cream?

The cream

Why did the nuke switch course?

Because a girl on the ground said "I have a boyfriend" later that day the nuke fell into depression

Why don't I have a boyfriend?

God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

45 minutes.

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

a hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

Why did Medusa order pizza?

Her boyfriend was stoned.

What did the necropheliac say to her boyfriend?

Did rigor mortis just set in, or are you just happy to see me Edit: I'm an idiot

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?

Close the door.

Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex?

Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend.

How can you tell your boyfriend has a high sperm count?

You have to chew before you swallow.

Why are powerpuff girls sad?

Nsfw Because they neither have boyfriends nor fingers

This joke may have profanity.

What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend?

Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her.

How do you know your boyfriend loves you?

SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

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Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

How many Americans does it take to change a bulb?

None, Mexicans do it for them.

What did the Mexican carpeting salesman yell to promote his business?

Underlay! Underlay!

Sharpen Jokes More Sharpen Jokes

Why did I carve a heart with me and my boyfriends initials into a tree?

To sharpen the knife

How does a French blacksmith sharpen his blade?

He hon(hon hon)s it.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet?

I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."

What did the kid say to his nanny when she stubbed her toe while trying to catch him?

Nana boo boo

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

Why is it bad to have a strong American dollar?

It's harder to break bills.

How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke.

Sushi Jokes More Sushi Jokes

What did the japanese chef do after he dishonored the emperor?

Commit sushi

What type of sushi does Bob Seger like?

That Old Thai Moroccan Roll.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

Why people don't use #YOLO anymore?

Because they lived once

Bite Jokes More Bite Jokes

What do you do if you get bit by something poisonous?

Don't bite it back in retaliation.

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches?

A high medium low

What's the shortest way to the front page?

Up vote to find out.