Drink Jokes

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What is the only type of alcohol muslims are allowed to drink?

TAKBEER!

What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink?

M: Linda.

What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks?

Gator-raid. &lt3 edit: Learned the difference between a crocodile and alligator.

Where does a Martian go for a drink?

A Mars Bar

What did the German physicist use to drink his beer?

Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.

What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?

He died in his teepee

Why won't the ocean let us drink its water?

Because it's too salty.

Where do terrorists like to go for a drink?

The Allahu Ak Bar

What's a snowman's favorite drink?

Bartender: idk Me: Brrrr-bon lol Bartender: ... Me: jk snowmen don't drink they aren't real

Why don't math majors like to drink alcohol?

Because they don't like to drink and derive.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Why cant people with no feet drink milk?

Because they are lack toes intolorent.

Why do anarchists only drink herbal infusions?

Because proper tea is theft.

What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

White Infidel.

What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.

Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?

Because she was drinking on the job.

What if she drinks too much, or gets high?

Me: You really aren't my kid are you

What do you call a self help book for a Country Music singer?

Drink, Pray, Truck

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow "

Why do Americans drink their tea cold?

Because it takes too long to boil Boston Harbor.

What's the difference between a tea bag and a used tampon?

What's the Difference between a tea bag and a used tampon - I dunno... - I'm never drinking tea at your house again then!

What do you get if you drink too much Gin?

A double Gin

Who makes a drinking sound like this *makes drinking sound*?

GEORGE GRASHINGTON!

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

Why bother drinking water?

You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.

When he finishes drinking, he pulls out his wallet and say to the Bartender, "How much?

The Bartender says, "For you No charge."

What should you wear when drinking tea?

A tea-shirt.

How do you know you're drinking too many protein shakes?

You've had whey too much!

Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

Because they hate French press!

What do you call someone who throws up after drinking too much orange soda?

Fantastic

What is a crowbar?

A: A place were crows go to get a drink!

Why did the cow drink his own milk?

He needed the cowlcium.

Why was the hipster drinking milk?

He liked Ice Cream before it was cool

Why do the English drink warm beer?

Lucas refrigerators.

Where do you get a drink on Excel?

Formula bar

What does the man say when he walks into the bar?

Can I please get a drink "

Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?

An ape-ricot sour!

Why are you ordering so many drinks?

The dog responds, "I've had a ruff day."

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

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Confront Jokes More Confront Jokes

When I confronted it, it said it was for its people blog?

What a creep.

What does a college kid do when confronted by an evil spirit?

He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit.

Alzheimer Jokes More Alzheimer Jokes

What does person with Alzheimer's call What Are You Wearing Today?

What Am I Wearing Today

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up!

College Kid Jokes More College Kid Jokes

What does a college kid do when confronted by an evil spirit?

He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit.

What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.

Lip Jokes More Lip Jokes

Why did the blonde give up on trying to blow up a car?

She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe

Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans?

So people can read her lips.

Derive Jokes More Derive Jokes

What did the calculus teacher tell the crew of his submarine while they were diving?

Derive, derive, derive!

Why did the mathematician get pulled over?

for drinking and deriving

Proper Tea Jokes More Proper Tea Jokes

Why did Karl Marx hate Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

French Jokes More French Jokes

What do French pupils say after finishing their school dinners ?

Mercy !

How do we know that Joan of Arc was French ?

She was maid in France !

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

How many Mormons does it take to drink a 12 pack of beer?

One if nobody is watching.

What is the difference between wealth and poverty?

And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'