Drink Jokes

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What is the only type of alcohol muslims are allowed to drink?

TAKBEER!

What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink?

M: Linda.

What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks?

Gator-raid. &lt3 edit: Learned the difference between a crocodile and alligator.

Where does a Martian go for a drink?

A Mars Bar

What did the German physicist use to drink his beer?

Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.

What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?

He died in his teepee

Why won't the ocean let us drink its water?

Because it's too salty.

Where do terrorists like to go for a drink?

The Allahu Ak Bar

What's a snowman's favorite drink?

Bartender: idk Me: Brrrr-bon lol Bartender: ... Me: jk snowmen don't drink they aren't real

Why don't math majors like to drink alcohol?

Because they don't like to drink and derive.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why cant people with no feet drink milk?

Because they are lack toes intolorent.

Why do anarchists only drink herbal infusions?

Because proper tea is theft.

What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

White Infidel.

What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.

Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?

Because she was drinking on the job.

What if she drinks too much, or gets high?

Me: You really aren't my kid are you

What do you call a self help book for a Country Music singer?

Drink, Pray, Truck

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow "

Why do Americans drink their tea cold?

Because it takes too long to boil Boston Harbor.

What's the difference between a tea bag and a used tampon?

What's the Difference between a tea bag and a used tampon - I dunno... - I'm never drinking tea at your house again then!

What do you get if you drink too much Gin?

A double Gin

Who makes a drinking sound like this makes drinking sound?

GEORGE GRASHINGTON!

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

Why bother drinking water?

You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.

When he finishes drinking, he pulls out his wallet and say to the Bartender, "How much?

The Bartender says, "For you No charge."

What should you wear when drinking tea?

A tea-shirt.

How do you know you're drinking too many protein shakes?

You've had whey too much!

Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

Because they hate French press!

What do you call someone who throws up after drinking too much orange soda?

Fantastic

What is a crowbar?

A: A place were crows go to get a drink!

Why did the cow drink his own milk?

He needed the cowlcium.

Why was the hipster drinking milk?

He liked Ice Cream before it was cool

Why do the English drink warm beer?

Lucas refrigerators.

Where do you get a drink on Excel?

Formula bar

What does the man say when he walks into the bar?

Can I please get a drink "

Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?

An ape-ricot sour!

Why are you ordering so many drinks?

The dog responds, "I've had a ruff day."

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

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Confront Jokes More Confront Jokes

What's the first thing you should do when confronted by an evil spirit?

Try to neghostiate.

What does a college kid do when confronted by an evil spirit?

He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit.

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

Why don't the French need air conditioner?

They use 2-in-1 shampoo

How's the business?

2) Do you have a girlfriend 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator

Fishing Trip Jokes More Fishing Trip Jokes

Why should you always invite more than one Baptist on a fishing trip?

Because if you only invite one, he'll drink all your beer.

Why do you always need to take 2 baptists on a fishing trip instead of one?

If you take one, he'll drink all of your beer, If you take 2 neither will drink a drop

Parkinson Jokes More Parkinson Jokes

Who would win in a fight between Muhammad Ali and Stephen Hawking?

Parkinson's

What do you call an alcoholic with Parkinson's?

Shakespeare (say it out loud)

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

What's the difference between having a badly poured draft beer and having a child with Down's Syndrome?

If the head's too big on your beer, you can blow it off.

What did the ireshmen say to the beer ?

I love you.....

Bleach Jokes More Bleach Jokes

How do depressed people lighten' up?

They drink bleach.

What's the difference between a suicidal ghost hunter and a weaboo alcohol taster?

One drinks bleach and watches spirits the other drinks spirits and watches Bleach.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between a black guy in jail and a caged birth?

The bird doesn't feel he's home.

What's the difference between the Amish and a Ferrari?

About 568 horses.

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

Which southeast Asian drink is more popular, the iced tea or the coffee?

Neither. It's a Thai.

What do you call an overweight star wars fanatic who drinks too much coffee?

Java the Hutt