Drink Jokes

What type of milk does Bernie Sanders drink?

Whole milk because he cares about all the milk and not just the top 1% milk!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Coffee Mug

How do you get a Mormon to not drink all of your beer on a fishing trip?

Bring two Mormons.

What do you call a pot smoker that spends every night dancing and drinking with his friends?

A Rastapartying

What do frogs drink ?

Hot croako !

What does Light Yagami drink at the bar?

Tekira!

What's the difference between Naruto and Bleach?

No one ever told me to drink Naruto

What does Batman put in his drink?

Just ice

What kind of water do ducks drink?

Bottled Waddle.

What did the Norse goddess say to Thor when he drunk dialed her?

I aint no Valhalla back girl."

How does Craig Venter drink beer?

Shotgun method

Where did Steve Jobs and Bill Gates go to get a drink?

The Space Bar

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Coffee Mug

What's the difference between men and pigs?

Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Why did the man drink two beers with his lunch?

Because he wanted to drink two beers with his lunch.

Why are law students known for drinking?

They are getting ready for the Bar exam.

What drink does a cannibal have after a long day?

a handshake!

Why aren't you allowed alcohol on a golf course?

Because it's a crime to drink and drive.

Why didn't the pig have to pay for drinks on the cruise?

A: It was all-oink-lusive.

When your prescription says "DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WHILE TAKING THIS" how many beers are you really allowed to have?

6

What happens when a fly drinks rum?

It gets buzzed!

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

What's the difference between a suicidal ghost hunter and a weaboo alcohol taster?

One drinks bleach and watches spirits the other drinks spirits and watches Bleach.

Why do jihadists drink instant coffee?

Because they hate the french press...

Who's there ! Aida ! Aida who ?

Aida more than I drink !

How much for a drink?

The bartender replies, "For you No charge."

Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio?

The nearest ISOBAR!!

How many Russians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and other to drink until the room spins.

What do you use to buy drinks?

Bar tender

What kind of tea do the crime investigation team drink?

A "casual tea"

What do ghosts drink for Halloween?

BOOOOZE!

Why don't white supremacist drink the water in Central America?

Because it's Nicaragua

Where do Martians drink beer ?

At a mars bar !

What is someone who takes drugs?

What is someone who drinks What hit you in the face last night

What is a Mathematician's favorite thing to drink?

Root beer. (tbh: found on a Laffy taffy wrapper)

What do you call someone who drinks too much water?

An aquaholic...

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

What do baby parabola drink?

Their Quadratic Formula!

What happened to the man who died from drinking Shellac?

He had a *lovely finish*.

What does batman like adding to his drinks?

JUST-ICE

Why did the man that drank 10 cups of poisoned Lipton not die?

He drank so much poison it built his immuni-tea.

What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard?

It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!

What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow?

A: Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night !

When I get a prescription for drugs, I don't ask, Will it work?

Are there any side effects ' No, it's Can I drink with these '

Where do police put their drinks?

Copholders

Why do Irishmen drink all the time?

You would too if you were a ginger

Why does Peter Dinklage drink Smirnoff?

Because he can't reach for the Grey Goose

Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze?

So that he didn't have to buy a winter coat.

Why did the man open a rooftop bar?

He wanted to have drinks on the house.

How do you call it when an Irish person goes out for drinks?

A bargain

What do black people drink during the Holiday Season?

Nignog

What do you call a drink with problems?

Dilemmanade

What do you call a French human delicacy?

Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking french vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink french vodka.

Why does Bernie Sanders only drink skim milk?

He can't stand the 1%

What do you call a 16th-century seer who drinks straight out of the can?

No-straw-damus! (please be gentle on me as you berate me.)

What can I get you to drink?

Pepsi" Is Peps- Uh one moment please In kitchen, to manager I don't know, he just said Pepsi. What do I do

How do Super Heroes like their drinks served?

WITH JUST ICE!

What tea do footballers drink?

Penaltea!

What is the difference between a camel and a college student?

Camel can go days without drinking!

Why did the photon stop drinking after traveling 670 million miles?

because Happy Hour ended.

When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?

The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."

How much has this man had to drink?

Nurse: "I can't tell." Dr: "It's ok; you can tell me. I'm a doctor"

Where did the joke wait to get a drink?

The punch line...

What does a BYU coed do when she notices people are drinking at a party?

She puts her top back on and leaves.

Why do programmers drink coffee so much?

So they aren't lying when they say they like Java.

What happened to the Milkman?

He drank all the milk.... makes sense no logically, yes!

How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all your booze?

You invite two of them.

What's a girl gotta do to get a drink?

Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*

Why did the cultists drink the Kool-Aid?

To get to the other side.

What do white girls drink from?

OC Muggs!

Where do terrorists go for a drink?

The Allahu Ak-Bar.

What drink do you have on Halloween?

Mali-BOO

What happens when you don't serve drinks at a party?

There's no punch line.

Why should you never drink German beer with Chinese food?

An hour later you're hungry for power.

Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

What's the difference between a lesbian and a straight girl?

Four drinks.

What kind of wine do bears drink?

Maulbec

Why don't we drink chicken milk?

It tastes fowl.

Why can't redheads get drunk?

Because they only drink Ginger Ale.

What is H2O4?

Drinking

Who's there ! Buckle ! Buckle who ?

Buckle get you a drink but not much else !

Why do you always need to take 2 baptists on a fishing trip instead of one?

If you take one, he'll drink all of your beer, If you take 2 neither will drink a drop

What do mathematicians drink?

Anything to ease the pain.

What drink can wrongly convict a black man?

Tequila Mockingbird

Why are there no black cults?

Everyone drinks the kool-ade on the first day.

How did Bob loose his job at the sperm bank?

He was always drinking on the job

What do you mean I can't drink alcohol with this medication?

You're not a bartender! You're just a pharmacist.

Why should you bring two Mormons with you when you go fishing?

Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer.

Why do hipsters drink their Jello?

They want to have it before it's cool.

How's my baby girl?

Me: I'm moving back in. Mom: Your room is ready. Me: No, your uterus! Mom: Steph you drink too much

What will you be drinking?

Harambe: I'll have a beer Me: No, he'll have just ice Bartender: Just ice Me: Yes. Justice for Harambe.

What do horses drink at the bar?

Chardon-neigh

What kind of soda do dogs drink?

Barq's Root Beer.

What do you like to drink?

Programmer: I'm only here for the foo.....................d

How do Jazz musicians drink their liquor?

Straight, No Chaser.

Why did the man with an electric car think he had a dual exhaust?

He drank a lot of beer. He ate a lot of beans. *You love it.*

What drink does Santa give to naughty children?

Coala

Where does a cow stop to drink?

The milky way!

What kind of milk does Mitt Romney drink?

1%

Why can't I have coffee?

Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are 7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!

What do cannibals like to drink in the morning?

A cup of Joe.

Why don't Hollywood talent agents drink chocolate milk?

Because it's not about who you know, but no Yoo-hoo.

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How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only two, but you've got to wonder how they climbed up there!

What do you call a girl in between 2 houses?

Alane

College Kid Jokes More College Kid Jokes

What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.

Why do so many college kids need free healthcare?

Because they are feeling the Bern.

Religion Jokes More Religion Jokes

What do you call a vegetable/fruit that dies for it's religion?

A Tomartyr

What do you call a man with no religion?

Godfrey

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

Who forgot his phone charger today?

THIS gu

Why did Jesus hang on the cross for three days?

He forgot the safe word.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why does society think less of a man when he strikes a woman instead of sparing them?

Because a strike only requires one ball while a spare requires two balls

Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies toilet ?

To boldly go where no man has been before !

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What kind of baseball do burgers play?

Ketchup baseball!

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?

Because then the children have to play inside.

Parkinson Jokes More Parkinson Jokes

What do you call a cow with Parkinson's?

Beef jerky

What would you rather have Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?

At least with Parkinson's you have half a pint.

Tea Jokes More Tea Jokes

What tea do footballers drink?

Penaltea!

How does Sherlock prefer his tea?

Steeped in mystery!