Love Jokes

What is the name of the martial arts discipline that the anime girl that you are in love with practices?

Wai fu.

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How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways... Five.

Why does Calvin Harris like reading fairy tales?

He loves a good happy ending

Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?

Because you always heart the one you love.

Why don't tennis players ever get married?

Because love means nothing to them.

What's one thing you hated as a kid but love as an adult?

Molestation.

What did the butcher say to the cow?

I love you for your inner beauty.

What's the difference between like, love and lust?

Spit Swallow Gargle

What tattoo should I get?

TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection. ME: One ravioli on my thigh please.

Where did I get my scarf?

It's a CVS receipt. You love it Oh thank you very much.

How do you know if someone truly loves fast food?

It has a special place in their hearts

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What did the Jamaican man say when asked why he didn't mind going to jail for stealing the Pikachu card?

I love the pokey, mon.

Why do hipsters love Harrison Ford?

Because he's Indie!

Why did you lead me on a five-state chase?

Driver: I love to travel.

What would you get if you crossed a monster with the god of love?

A stupid Cupid!

Who loves hamburgers French fries and ants?

Ronald MacAardvark!

What is your location?

Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up

What do calculators do when they love each other?

They multiply!

Why do tennis players never get married?

Because Love means nothing to them.

What does a necrophiliac say to confess his love for someone?

You're dead to me"

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest... ... and an e-cigarette-puffing GI Joe Action Figure collector?

Well, one is a toy-loving vapist...

What type of monster really loves dance music?

A: The boogieman.

How do you know your boyfriend loves you?

SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

What do you call an "Asian" that loves using moisturizer?

Laotian.

Why are your eyes dilated?

Me: "Your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love" Mom: "What were you looking at " Me: "Memes"

How are monster trucks made?

ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: glares ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane

Why did everyone love the fisherman?

He was a real catch

What do geeks and nerds love but cant have?

80085

Why do orphans play tennis?

It's the only way they can get love.

What's black and white . . . What's black and white and loves kids?

Michael Jackson

Why does all of Jared Fogle's music sound the same?

Because he loves to abuse A Minor.

Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day...

He loves his pot.

Lady: How do I spread love in this cruel world?

Random Dude: [...💘]

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

A stega-snore-us.

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Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

Why did the baby fall off the swing?

It had no arms.

Which former pop star would be most likely to help deliver a baby?

Paula Ab-doula

Hippie Jokes More Hippie Jokes

How do you know if a hippie was at your house?

He's still there.

Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?

Cause it's far out, man

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What do your mom and the Baltimore Police have in common?

They both like giving nickel rides to black men!

What is the most recycled joke that keeps getting used?

Your mom.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How many babies does it take to stop a puck?

Ask Subban from the Hans to find out

What's better than swinging a dead baby around a tether pole?

stopping it with a shovel

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

What do you call a blonde in a closet?

Last years hide and seek champion

What does the Pillsbury Dough boy hide under his apron?

Dough nuts!

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?

A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now?

Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a robber and a politician?

Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.

What's the difference between an introverted physicist and an extroverted physicist?

An extroverted physicist looks at shoes when they're talking to you.

Bad Jokes More Bad Jokes

What's the worst part about getting AIDS?

Having to tell your friend his kids should get tested.

What's the worst part about being black?

Even the name has 'lack' in it