Japanese Jokes

What did the Japanese soda say to Papa John after he crashed his car?

I'm really sodie pop.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How do Japanese Chihuahuas say 'Hello'?

Konichihuahua

What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer?

Ra'men.

What do Japanese people do when they have erections?

Vote!

What do Japanese Kids, Chinese Democracy and German Humor have in common?

All are equally oxymoronic.

What do you call the study of Japanese sound?

Yakuztics

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Woman?

You have to drop the bomb twice.

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to repost the joke twice before she realizes that it isn't funny anymore

How does a Japanese person distinguish between a German and an extraterrestrial?

He doesn't, they are both Aryans.

What is "YEAH" in Japanese?

HAEY, obviously.

What do you call a Japanese Cougar with exceptional taste?

Umami

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do Japanese people do during an erection?

They go to the polls and vote.

Why are Japanese people so good at judo?

You can't ippon a Nippon.

Why are foodfights forbidden in japanese schools?

The children always end up with lice in their hair.

What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

Why do Democrats like to play Pokemon?

They've always enjoyed rounding up Japanese monsters.

What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?

Neither can achieve an election

What is Shaka's favorite Japanese food?

Shakitori!

Where did the little Japanese girl go when the little boy dropped by?

Everywhere.

What do you call a half Mexican half Japanese jedi master?

Obi Juan Shinobi

Whats the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

What does it sounds like when a Japanese Homer Simpson forgets how to count to 11?

Nin, ten, " ....I'll leave now.

Why do the Japanese have squinty eyes?

Becuase atomic bombs are bright.

What did the Japanese chef say when his mother died?

Well, that's the edamame.

What does an excited Japanese horse say?

Oshio des neighhhhh

What do you call a Japanese pirate?

J-Peg.

Why does Jesus like Japanese food?

Because he loves miso

What is the worst thing about dating a Japanese girl?

You have to drop da bomb on her twice

Where do the Japanese store defective mannequin feet?

In bent-toe boxes.

What do the Japanese call a large apartment?

An itssoroomy.

What did the salmon say to his shy Japanese girlfriend?

Don't be koi.

What did one Japanese man say to the other?

I'm not quite sure. I only took one year of Japanese in high school.

What is the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

Why do Japanese Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So you can tell them apart from feminists.

How do Japanese people ask for rice?

Samurais?

How many tickles does it take to make a japanese girl laugh?

Ten Tickles

What does a Japanese chef shout in bed?

Ooo mami! (Umami)

What the japanese version of mission impossible?

Miso impossible

Why do Japanese people have slanty eyes?

Atomic bombs are realllllly bright.

How do you say goodbye to a thousand Japanese people?

A big wave

How do Japanese politicians say they got their positions?

With erections.

What do Japanese emperors and rappers have in common?

They're both wondering where their ninjas are at.

How do Japanese people refer to American politicians?

Parti-san

What kind of car does a Japanese chef drive?

Rolls Rice

What do you call a Japanese Halloween Cake?

Bookkake

Why did the Japanese funeral home have to turn away new business?

They ran out of san storage

How do you tell a Japanese girl you're breaking up with her ?

You drop it on her twice.

What's Beethoven's favorite favorite Japanese weapon?

Ka-ta-na-na!

What sport do Japanese people watch?

Desuball

What type of pants do Japanese people wear?

Nihon-jeans (Nihon-jin)

Why was the Japanese man so careful when walking in his house?

It was made of pranks.

Which US state is friendliest toward the Japanese?

Ohio

What sound does a Japanese camera make?

Crick"

How do you know Jesus loves Japanese food?

Because he said he loves miso.

What is Snoopy's favorite Japanese dish?

Snushi.

What does a Japanese man do when there's an erection?

He votes!

Who is Ed McMahon's favorite Japanese Filmmaker?

Hiyooooo Miyazaki.

Who's the founder of the Japanese Wikipedia?

Yojimbo Wales! (Joke stolen from co-worker)

What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill?

Tsunami Warning

Why do Japanese people love mechs so much?

Because of all the metal in their brains.

Why are the labia on Japanese women oriented sideways instead of vertically?

Goes better with their eyes.

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets the point.

What do you tell a smelly Japanese person?

Takashawa.

What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common?

Baristas

What did the Japanese General say to his kamikaze trainee?

Despite what everyone tells you, you'll never learn from your mistakes.

What's the hardest part about dumping a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

Why couldn't the Japanese guy see his car?

Because he had a cataract!

What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person?

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

What did the Japanese Journey covers band sing at the funeral?

Don't stop, bereaving!

What did the Japanese man say when he jumped out of Office Depot?

SUPPLIES!!!

What do you call a group of people addicted to Japanese drugs?

We abuse

What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?

Ryan

What do you call the Japanese police force?

Kawaii Five-0

What did the Hobbit say to the Japanese man as he was leaving?

Shirenara!

What is a Japanese favourite beverage that they don't remember?

Affogato"

Why aren't Japanese optimistic?

Because not every cloud has a silver lining

What is the hardest thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it. I'm going to hell..

What do you call a Japanese kid the explodes?

A loli-pop

What is Batman's Japanese emergency number?

7777-Batman

Why did the Japanese American bring his server with him?

He thought they said internet camp

What do you call a Pho restaurant run by 9 Japanese chefs?

Pho Kyuu EDIT: No one understands how to pronounce "Pho". ;;

What do you get if you take the red circle off a Japanese flag?

The French flag.

What didn't the Japanese understand nuclear missile technology?

It was a little over their heads

What's a Japanese person's hangover cure?

Soba Noodles

How do you tell apart a Chinese from a Japanese?

With a Geiger Counter.

What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.

What do you call a fashionable Japanese warrior?

Glamurai

What do Japanese people call.. -What do Japanese people call their japs eye?

My eye

What if Lady Gaga was half Irish, half Japanese?

Rady O'Gaga

What did the Japanese stoner say?

Toke yo

What do you call someone obsessed with Japanese food?

a weeafood

Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?

He was sick of all its shiitake.

What food do Japanese people serve as an apology when they have offended someone?

Miso sorry...

What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese women?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

How do you say 'Toilet' in Japanese?

Dump-ring.

What does a cranky Japanese person suffer from?

PAST: Post Atomic Stress Disorder

Why do Japanese women like foreign men?

Japanese men can't look them in the eye. Kappa

What makes the Japanese better than Al Qaeda?

At least the Japanese were considerate enough to bring their own planes

Whats worse than having to break up with your Japanese girlfriend for the first time?

Her not hearing you, so you drop the bomb a 2nd time.

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Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies?

My erection.

Why do men struggle to urinate with an erection?

It's just too hard.

Japanese Kid Jokes More Japanese Kid Jokes

What do Japanese Kids, Chinese Democracy and German Humor have in common?

All are equally oxymoronic.

What do you call a Japanese kid the explodes?

A loli-pop

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What's the best things about Anti-Jokes?

They have a large following!

Why did the joke on /r/jokes get removed?

removed

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

Japanese Man Jokes More Japanese Man Jokes

Why was the Japanese man so careful when walking in his house?

It was made of pranks.

What did the Japanese man say when he jumped out of Office Depot?

SUPPLIES!!!

Vote Jokes More Vote Jokes

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

What was Robert E. Lee voted in his High School Yearbook?

Most likely to Secede"

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How awful do I look?

Him: You always look beautiful. Me: Do I need to put makeup on Him: Maybe just a... *stare* Him: No.

Why do proctologists like Facebook?

It's another chance to look up old friends.

Japanese Guy Jokes More Japanese Guy Jokes

What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?

Ryan

Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?

He was sick of all its shiitake.