Ex Jokes

What did the redneck say to his ex?

Can we still be cousins?"

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What do you say when your ex has broken up with you?

Ill call you tomorow

What's the worst part of going to a southern family reunion?

Seeing your ex.

What do designers of gum call new flavors from old ingredients?

ex-spearmints

What did the mole hill say to the mountain?

I see my ex came by."

What's the difference between my ex and my toaster?

It only takes 120 volts to turn on my toaster.

What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer?

One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.

What do Marylanders call their ex-girlfriends?

Old Bay.

Whats the difference between a burglar and an ex-wife?

At least the burglar has the decency to leave you the house.

What do you call it when an ex pees on you?

EX-STREAM!

What's the biggest difference between a crayon and your ex?

The crayon is non-toxic!

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What's the difference between a dead baby and my ex-girlfriend?

There isn't one...

What do you call your ex-girlfriend in Maryland?

Old bae.

What's the worst part about being a redneck?

Having to see your ex at family gatherings.

What's the worst part of running into your ex?

You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.

What happened when the pig ran into his ex?

there was a porkward silence

What did the necrophile say to his ex-girlfriend?

I only loved you for your body!"

What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?

Shoot him again.

What is it called when you call your ex?

Ex-communication

What's denser than a black hole?

Your ex.

Who has more money than God?

His Ex-Wife.

What's the worst last words your EX-GF can say to you?

I do."

Why would you stay friends with an ex-girlfriend?

When you get fired from a job, you don't stay around and watch other people do your job.

How to break up with someone- You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: which one?

You: MEEEEE BYEEEEEEEE

What happened to the naughty little witch at school?

She was ex-spelled.

Why did Arnold show up at the rodent infested house?

Because he is an ex-Terminator.

What DOESN'T Bruce want for Christmas from his ex?

A Krismas goose.

What do you do when you miss your ex?

Reload and shoot again.

Why did Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond never get a divorce?

She didn't want an ex Ray Edit: I meant debra

What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games?

An ex-boxer.

What should you do when your ex-girlfriend stands in the spotlights?

Drive faster.

What do you call some who's too pooped to Pope?

Ex-Benedict

What's the difference between a clever midget and my ex-girlfriend, the trackstar?

One's a cunning runt... and I forget the rest, but your mother is a whore.

This joke may have profanity.

How to stop an unwanted DM. Hi, how are you?

Me: Well, my ex has me on a wanted list because I'm a psychotic cow, how are you

Why was ex so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger do after he retired?

He became an ex-terminator!

What belongs to me but is used the most by others?

My ex-wife

How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Apparently she will screw anything.

What do you call an ex-Muslim?

A Waslim

How's your narcissism?

Much better I thin...*sees my ex walking by* opens window HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I BROKE UP WITH YOU!"

How crazy is your ex?

Crazy like my triceps " "How sick is your mother Sick like my triceps "

Why didn't the recently single goose lose her job when she made a mistake?

Because she had one heck of an ex-goose

What do you call your ex-girlfriend from Baltimore?

Old Bae

What do you call a 2 legged dog who always ignore your calls?

Your ex!

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What's the difference between British crisps and foreign crisps?

One are Walkers and the others just Lays around.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a ferrari?

The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

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Why do dinosaurs use Christian dating sites?

Because they can lie about their age!

What happened to the dinosaurs that first was aware of the metheorite?

The where petrified.

Mountain Jokes More Mountain Jokes

What is green and glides down a mountain?

A skiwi

How does the author of harry potter descend a mountain?

On foot, how else? JK Rowling

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What did the sniper say to his wife when he came back from work?

I missed you

What tool does a black lumberjack use?

An ask. (Explanation: Because most black people say ax for ask, it is swapped around.) Came up with it by myself, how did I do

Gum Jokes More Gum Jokes

What kind of gum do bees chew?

BUMBLEGUM. Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not.

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

One says, "Spit out your gum!" The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"

Superhero Jokes More Superhero Jokes

What's the difference between Iron Man And Iron Woman?

Iron Man is a superhero, Iron Woman is a command.

What superhero consists of only 16 atoms?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!

Designer Jokes More Designer Jokes

What do designers of gum call new flavors from old ingredients?

ex-spearmints

What do you call it when two designers argue about what file type to export a graphic to?

Getting into a bit of a .tiff!

Toaster Jokes More Toaster Jokes

What happens if you plug your electric blanket into the toaster?

You pop up all night.

How much for this toaster?

An arm & a leg." "How about a leg & 2 fingers " "A leg & 3 fingers." "Deal!" - Cannibal Pawn Stars