Ex Jokes

What did the redneck say to his ex?

Can we still be cousins?"

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What do you say when your ex has broken up with you?

Ill call you tomorow

What's the worst part of going to a southern family reunion?

Seeing your ex.

What do designers of gum call new flavors from old ingredients?

ex-spearmints

What did the mole hill say to the mountain?

I see my ex came by."

What's the difference between my ex and my toaster?

It only takes 120 volts to turn on my toaster.

What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer?

One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.

What do Marylanders call their ex-girlfriends?

Old Bay.

Whats the difference between a burglar and an ex-wife?

At least the burglar has the decency to leave you the house.

What do you call it when an ex pees on you?

EX-STREAM!

What's the biggest difference between a crayon and your ex?

The crayon is non-toxic!

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What's the difference between a dead baby and my ex-girlfriend?

There isn't one...

What do you call your ex-girlfriend in Maryland?

Old bae.

What's the worst part about being a redneck?

Having to see your ex at family gatherings.

What's the worst part of running into your ex?

You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.

What happened when the pig ran into his ex?

there was a porkward silence

What did the necrophile say to his ex-girlfriend?

I only loved you for your body!"

What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?

Shoot him again.

What is it called when you call your ex?

Ex-communication

What's denser than a black hole?

Your ex.

Who has more money than God?

His Ex-Wife.

What's the worst last words your EX-GF can say to you?

I do."

Why would you stay friends with an ex-girlfriend?

When you get fired from a job, you don't stay around and watch other people do your job.

How to break up with someone- You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: which one?

You: MEEEEE BYEEEEEEEE

What happened to the naughty little witch at school?

She was ex-spelled.

Why did Arnold show up at the rodent infested house?

Because he is an ex-Terminator.

What DOESN'T Bruce want for Christmas from his ex?

A Krismas goose.

What do you do when you miss your ex?

Reload and shoot again.

Why did Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond never get a divorce?

She didn't want an ex Ray Edit: I meant debra

What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games?

An ex-boxer.

What should you do when your ex-girlfriend stands in the spotlights?

Drive faster.

What do you call some who's too pooped to Pope?

Ex-Benedict

What's the difference between a clever midget and my ex-girlfriend, the trackstar?

One's a cunning runt... and I forget the rest, but your mother is a whore.

This joke may have profanity.

How to stop an unwanted DM. Hi, how are you?

Me: Well, my ex has me on a wanted list because I'm a psychotic cow, how are you

Why was ex so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger do after he retired?

He became an ex-terminator!

What belongs to me but is used the most by others?

My ex-wife

How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Apparently she will screw anything.

What do you call an ex-Muslim?

A Waslim

How's your narcissism?

Much better I thin...*sees my ex walking by* opens window HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I BROKE UP WITH YOU!"

How crazy is your ex?

Crazy like my triceps " "How sick is your mother Sick like my triceps "

Why didn't the recently single goose lose her job when she made a mistake?

Because she had one heck of an ex-goose

What do you call your ex-girlfriend from Baltimore?

Old Bae

What do you call a 2 legged dog who always ignore your calls?

Your ex!

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How do People in New Orleans have their beer?

Watered Down

Whats your favourite brand of beer?

When i was younger, i used to drink any brand of beer, but now i am older Budweiser

Relationship Jokes More Relationship Jokes

What is my relationship?

Alex: No sorry tha- glares at wife I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?

A. Telling you his real name.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?

Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.

What do you call a vet that can only work on one animal?

A doctor

Stream Jokes More Stream Jokes

Why are there no astronauts on Twitch.tv?

Because in space, no one can hear you stream.

What do Netflix and diarrhea have in common?

Both stream instantly.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How did the blind girl accidentally get pregnant?

As careful as she tried to be, she could never have seen him coming

What side of the American flag are the stars on?

Both sides. Came from my FIL on this Memorial Day.

Superhero Jokes More Superhero Jokes

What superhero consists of only 16 atoms?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!

How many good deeds do you need to be called a superhero?

Because If it's one or less, I'm totally there.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Who do you think the scariest POTUS was?

I'd have to say Rushmore, considering he had four heads.

What did the seamen say to his friend?

It was a long road, but I ended up coming out a head.

Ex Benedict Jokes More Ex Benedict Jokes

What do you call the Pope after he's resigned?

Ex-Benedict.

What do you call Pope Benedict after his final day in the papal office?

Ex-Benedict.