Leg Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?

Mat

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Why do women have legs for?

To not leave a snail trail behind them.

What has six legs and goes "Hodeedo, hodeedo?

Three black guys about to miss the elevator

Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?

If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.

What do you call a cookie without legs?

A cookie

What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch?

Names.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home?

A taxi

What has four legs but doesn't move?

A: A statue of a dog!

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What do you call a cow that's missing a leg?

A 3 legged cow

How do you teach a girl math?

Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, give her a square root and watch her multiply.

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What is red and crawls up your leg?

An abortion with homesickness.

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a corn dog with no legs?

A *corn dog*, stupid! Corn dogs don't have legs!

What did your mom's leg say to her other leg?

Nothing they've never met.

What has four legs and goes meow?

A crocodile. -You won !"

What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night?

Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny.

What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?

A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit) (Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet )

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other Ilene. What do you cal an Asian woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Irene

How do you walk a dog with no legs?

You don't, you pick it up.

What's got six legs and can fly long distances ?

Three swallows !

When you put a baby into a blender, why do you put her in legs first ?

A : So that you can see the expression on the face.........

What does a leg do when it gets exasperated?

It thighs.

What has two legs and red all over?

Half a puppy... I'm sorry

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?

Bob.

Why did the dog say he was an actor?

His leg was in a cast.

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

Why did the dog roll down the hill?

It didn t have any legs.

What has no eyes and four legs?

No idea.

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

How do you find a girl with no legs?

Follow the slime trail.

What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes?

Noob.

What has four legs but can't walk?

A chair.

What's better than winning the Paralympics?

A: Having legs!

What does the kid with no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?

Russel

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

What happens when a guy with no legs dies?

He punches the bucket

What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?

2nd base.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

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How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?

She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.

What's the difference ?

What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went There is no difference, you always regret both!

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What's the definition of "Trust"?

Two cannibals giving each other head

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?

Because they're headcases.

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Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning?

Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !

The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.

Thank you very much, sir.

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What do you call a cat with 3 legs?

A handicat

What has 3 legs and 3 eyes?

Three pirates

Trunk Jokes More Trunk Jokes

What's the difference between a trunk full of bowling balls and a trunk full of dead babies?

You can't unload a trunk full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?

Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.

Elephant Jokes More Elephant Jokes

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

How does a elephant hide in the jungle?

2.What is the Loudest sound in the jungle 1.Paints its balls red and climbs up a apple tree. 2.Tarzan picking apples.

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How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

What has 50 legs but cant walk ?

Half a centipede !

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How can you tell if a California State coed is a good cook?

She can get the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.

How much for this toaster?

An arm & a leg." "How about a leg & 2 fingers " "A leg & 3 fingers." "Deal!" - Cannibal Pawn Stars