Stalin Jokes

Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union?

They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.

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Why did nobody in the Soviet Union drive manual cars?

They were afraid of Stalin'

What was Stalin's favorite chemical equation?

HAmAr + SiCl

Why did Russia lose the race?

Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)

How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day?

Because Russia was Stalin

Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission?

He was always Stalin in his manual!

Why did the student fail the exam?

Spent too much time figuring out the Engels, so he didnt get the Marx.... thats what he gets for Stalin

What does Stalin do on a night out?

Paints the town red

Why was WWI so short?

Because they were Russian... Why was WWII so long? They were Stalin...

Why are the Soviets Russian?

Because there's no Stalin.

Why was Joseph late to the meeting?

He was Stalin.

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Why didn't The Cold War happen?

Russia kept Stalin it

Why was Stalin a Bad leader?

Because he was staling a country that was rushing..(Russia) This joke was bad. Im going to bed now.

What kind of dinosaur would Eminem be?

A veloci-rapper. What about Stalin? A Tyrant-a-saurus rex.

Why does the communist party hate planes?

Because they're always Stalin

Why couldn't the Soviet Union get anything done?

They were always either Russian or Stalin.

Why did the Soviet union fail?

Too much Stalin'. Yeah it's bad but it made me giggle when I thought of it... :P

Why are cars in Russia so slow?

Because they are always stalin.

Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies?

Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)

What do you call it when Lenin, Trotsky, and Stalin get together for a drink?

A communist party

Why did the Russians lose the space race?

Their rocket kept Stalin!

Why did the Soviets decide to be Russian?

Cuz they got tired of Stalin.

Why are Russians such bad pilots?

Because they're always Stalin. Thank you, good night.

How can you tell Russians are bad at driving stick?

cause their cars are always Stalin

What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

Why didn't Stalin look both ways before he crossed the road?

He was rushin'

What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea?

I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away.

Why could Joseph never get anything done?

Because he was always Stalin..

Why did the cold war last so long?

The US couldn't stop Stalin.

Why do Russian cars have such a bad rep?

Because they're always Stalin.

Why did the Kremlin sacrifice 8.7 million soldiers during WWII?

They were just Stalin for time.

Why did the Cold War never happen?

Because Joseph was Stalin.

Why did the USSR have such a bad air force?

They kept Stalin.

Why didn't the USSR get anything done?

They were Stalin

What did russian judge say to the jury?

I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort.

Why do Communist Dictators have trouble getting their work done on time?

They're way too into Stalin

Why cant russians drive stick?

Because they are always Stalin!

Why did the Germans loose WWII?

They kept Stalin around.

Why didint Stalin like his new IPhone?

It had a 5 year plan

Why Russians never drive stick shift?

They really hate Stalin

Why did the Soviets implement 5 year plans instead of 4 year plans?

Cuz they were stalin'!

What makes a good Stalin joke?

The execution.

Why did the soviet plane crash?

It was stalin

Why did the Russian man keep making excuses?

He was just stalin for time

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Why did Mr. T reject Marxism?

Because Marx said "You have nothing to lose but your chains."

Why does Marx's toilet play a sonata when flushed?

Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.

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Why did Ally refuse to do her homework, when all she had left was to square the x and y axis?

Cause Allies don't like axis powers

How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day?

Because Russia was Stalin

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What do communists do on May Day?

Paint the town red.

What do post-impressionist painters sing when painting a Frozen landscape?

Let it Gogh!

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Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission?

He was always Stalin in his manual!

What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams?

Shoot for the Tsars.

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What do you call it when Lenin, Trotsky, and Stalin get together for a drink?

A communist party

What score did Lenin get on his exam paper?

Full Marx

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Why is 'The Game' the most powerful rapper?

Because you lose every time you talk about him ( )

What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?

Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes."

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How much did the pirate spend on his earings?

A buck an ear.

Where does Ben Carson spend most of his time on Reddit?

r/explainlikeimfive

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What do you get when you cross dirty double meanings with WWI?

The Triple Entendre.

Why was WWI so short?

Because they were Russian... Why was WWII so long? They were Stalin...