Stalin Jokes

Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union?

They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.

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Why did nobody in the Soviet Union drive manual cars?

They were afraid of Stalin'

What was Stalin's favorite chemical equation?

HAmAr + SiCl

Why did Russia lose the race?

Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)

How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day?

Because Russia was Stalin

Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission?

He was always Stalin in his manual!

Why did the student fail the exam?

Spent too much time figuring out the Engels, so he didnt get the Marx.... thats what he gets for Stalin

What does Stalin do on a night out?

Paints the town red

Why was WWI so short?

Because they were Russian... Why was WWII so long? They were Stalin...

Why are the Soviets Russian?

Because there's no Stalin.

Why was Joseph late to the meeting?

He was Stalin.

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Why didn't The Cold War happen?

Russia kept Stalin it

Why was Stalin a Bad leader?

Because he was staling a country that was rushing..(Russia) This joke was bad. Im going to bed now.

What kind of dinosaur would Eminem be?

A veloci-rapper. What about Stalin? A Tyrant-a-saurus rex.

Why does the communist party hate planes?

Because they're always Stalin

Why couldn't the Soviet Union get anything done?

They were always either Russian or Stalin.

Why did the Soviet union fail?

Too much Stalin'. Yeah it's bad but it made me giggle when I thought of it... :P

Why are cars in Russia so slow?

Because they are always stalin.

Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies?

Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)

What do you call it when Lenin, Trotsky, and Stalin get together for a drink?

A communist party

Why did the Russians lose the space race?

Their rocket kept Stalin!

Why did the Soviets decide to be Russian?

Cuz they got tired of Stalin.

Why are Russians such bad pilots?

Because they're always Stalin. Thank you, good night.

How can you tell Russians are bad at driving stick?

cause their cars are always Stalin

What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

Why didn't Stalin look both ways before he crossed the road?

He was rushin'

What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea?

I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away.

Why could Joseph never get anything done?

Because he was always Stalin..

Why did the cold war last so long?

The US couldn't stop Stalin.

Why do Russian cars have such a bad rep?

Because they're always Stalin.

Why did the Kremlin sacrifice 8.7 million soldiers during WWII?

They were just Stalin for time.

Why did the Cold War never happen?

Because Joseph was Stalin.

Why did the USSR have such a bad air force?

They kept Stalin.

Why didn't the USSR get anything done?

They were Stalin

What did russian judge say to the jury?

I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort.

Why do Communist Dictators have trouble getting their work done on time?

They're way too into Stalin

Why cant russians drive stick?

Because they are always Stalin!

Why did the Germans loose WWII?

They kept Stalin around.

Why didint Stalin like his new IPhone?

It had a 5 year plan

Why Russians never drive stick shift?

They really hate Stalin

Why did the Soviets implement 5 year plans instead of 4 year plans?

Cuz they were stalin'!

What makes a good Stalin joke?

The execution.

Why did the soviet plane crash?

It was stalin

Why did the Russian man keep making excuses?

He was just stalin for time

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What are Russian clothes always made out of?

Lenin.

What does Lenin say when he his angry?

I will hit you so hard that it will leave a Marx.

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When you ask me a question, would you prefer the blank stare or the eye roll as a response?

I like to be prepared.

What do you call a practice exercise preparing for the possibility of observing hole-making tools undergoing a military parade?

Drill drill drill.

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What is it with Russians and their track suits?

Because back in Soviet day, suit track you.

What does a soviet call someone with good vision?

Glasnots.

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Where is tennis mentioned in the Bible?

A: Where Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Why did Mary and Joseph's WIFI get hacked?

Because Jesus WEPt.

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How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

What do you call a symphony where everyone plays at the same time instead of taking turns?

An chestra.

Automatic Transmission Jokes More Automatic Transmission Jokes

Why do feminists only drive cars with automatic transmissions?

It pains them to have standards.

Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission?

He was always Stalin in his manual!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

Why do bad things happen to good people?

To even out the good things that happen to bad people.

What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?

They got stoned

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of music do wind turbines listen to?

They're huge metal fans.

What kind of bird can write?

A penguin.