End Jokes

Where do old bowling balls end up?

In the gutter!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Kimmel?

I can make it to the end of a Jimmy Kimmel joke without laughing.

What does Barbie say when the drought finally ends?

It's raining Ken, hallelujah....

What is mitosis?

Those are the things on the ends of my feetsis. Thought of this during my last bio exam.

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

What is formed at the end of mitosis?

My nailses

What starts and ends with a 'v' and is only one letter?

w'

What has four legs and see just as well from either end?

A horse with his eyes closed!

Why was ex so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

Where do frogs keep their treasure ?

In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow !

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

What don't you ever wanna call a black person that begins with the letter n. And ends with the letter r?

Neighbor

What do you call it when you thrust a hairy pole in and out of your mouth, and at the end you spit out a white liquid?

Brushing your teeth!

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

When do you know that your career has gone south?

When you end up moving to South Korea, of course!

What word starts with F and ends with UCK?

Firetruck

What happened to the girl who put too many deviating data into her box plot?

In the end her spread was so large she had to present it without any whiskers.

What's the fastest way to end an Iraqi bingo game?

A:Call B52

What do tornadoes and redneck divorces have in common?

Either way, someone is going to end up losing a trailer.

What is the hardest thing to do after starting a family?

Ending them.

How do you end a prayer to the Noodle God?

Ramen.

What four letter word starts with F ends in K and if you can't get it you have to use your hands or fingers...?

A fork

What word that begins with "N" and ends with "R" do you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

Why do so few men end up in Heaven?

They never stop to ask directions.

What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

What gets louder if you enter it from one end, but quieter if you enter it from the other?

A howler monkey.

What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black guy?

Neighbor

Where'd he go?

and the angel said, "He's at IHOP for never-ending pancakes" and they were like, "Word."

What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan?

Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end

What's furry on the outside.. Wet on the inside.. Starts with a C... Ends with a T... And has U &amp N in-between?

A coconut!

When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

What do you call a group of crows?

The end of season 5.

Why shouldn't you ask Jon Snow what time it is?

Because his watch has ended.

What's the difference between a beer and a down syndrome kid?

If you end up with a badly poured beer you can blow it's head off.

What's high in the middle and round on both ends?

Ohio.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two - One to put it most of the way in, and one to give it an interesting twist at the end.

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to get it 95% done, and the second to give it the twist at the end.

What are some towing related jokes i can impress my car club coworkers with?

I've already got that the frog called our car club to get toad, but that's about where my puns end.

What is a four-letter word for a woman that ends in "unt"?

Aunt.

How do all races end in the desert?

In a cacti!

Who sits at the end of the yellow brick road surfing the Net?

The www.izard of Oz.

Why do dogs chase their tails?

A: They want to make ends meet.

What will I have at the end of the day?

Three bags of skittles and a small body to hide.

What does a gamer call the zombie apocalypse?

The end of DayZ

What has 6 letters, starts with 'P', and ends a sentence?

Parole.

What did Captain Kirk find at the end of the rainbow?

a LepreKHAAAAAAN!

How many Brazilian national football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows - every time they pick one up, they end up giving it away.

Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?

It ended in a tie.

Is the pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

You might also enjoy:

Popsicle Stick Jokes More Popsicle Stick Jokes

What subject did Dracula major in during college?

AcCOUNTing This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.

What is the best joke you have heard that was on the end of a Popsicle stick?

Here is mine: Q: Where do snowmen dance --------- A: At the snowball. Best joke at the end of a Popsicle stick

Semicolon Jokes More Semicolon Jokes

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

What is the definition of a semicolon?

Something I usually have after a long night of drinking.

F Jokes More F Jokes

How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?

Have the fifth one say.... BINGO!

How do you put a condom on a elephant?

You take the c out of ice and the f out of weigh.

Begin Jokes More Begin Jokes

What's brown and furry on the outside, soft moist and tastes good on the inside, begins with "C" and ends with "T", and has a "U" and an "N" in it?

A coconut.

What do you call a slow-learner born the beginning of August?

A leotard

Uck Jokes More Uck Jokes

What word begins with the letter "F" and ends in "UCK"?

A: FIRETRUCK.

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "FIRETRUCK"!!! What were you thinking? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? ..."POPCORN"!! What were you thinking?!?!?!

Pause Jokes More Pause Jokes

What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song?

Don't stop ble-eding (The pause is necessary)

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

Whisper Jokes More Whisper Jokes

What do you call a pirates thong?

A whispering eye patch.

Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

Popsicle Jokes More Popsicle Jokes

What do you call a bicycle made just for grandpas?

A popsicle!

What is the best joke you have heard that was on the end of a Popsicle stick?

Here is mine: Q: Where do snowmen dance --------- A: At the snowball. Best joke at the end of a Popsicle stick