Scientist Jokes

It is not like that anywhere else. It is not like people studying science claim that they are already scientists. Or people studying the arts say they are unemployed.

How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: I don't know, I'm no scientist

What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree?

A gorilla pooped on his face.

What did the scientist say at the bar?

I'd like some H20 please.

How did Chernobyl disaster happen ?

scientist A : Are you sure ? scientist B : Trust me, I know what i'm doing.

What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate?

OH NO !"

How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day?

They get their Aaargh-On!

Why do scientists call Helium , Barium and Curium the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium , You'd Barium!

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

Why did the scientist take off his doorbell?

because he wanted to win the "Nobel" prize!

What do you call a pickle sandwich that's a scientist?

Dill Rye

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

the cow didn't make it.

How many scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what interns are for.

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

What do you do when a scientist dies?

You barium! ba-dum-tss

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

How many scientists it takes to change a lightbulb?

None *et al.*

Why do scientists call helium , curium and barium the medical elements?

Because, if you can't helium or curium , you'd barium!

What did the scientist say after discovering the medicinal content of homeopathic remedies ?

0mg !!!!

What do you call a scientist that measures things in space?

A cosmetrologist.

How does a scientist make a hormone?

The same way I do: don't pay her!

Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?

It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

Where would you find the scientist who loved to f$k dogs?

In the lab.

What does the scientist say when asked if Invisibility Cloak will be applicated by the military?

Yes, but you won't see it any time soon.

Why do scientists look for things twice?

A: Because they research everything.

How did the scientist like his guacamole?

With lots of Avogadro!

How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001.

What did the scientist who got attacked by sodium chloride say?

That's a salt!

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

The scientists were brainstorming.

How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills?

They're always looking for Grant money.

What did the scientist say after attacking his colleague with sodium chloride?

That's a salt!

Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?

because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments?

Because they were for test porpoise only

What do scientists solve?

Che-mysteries!

Why are quantum physicists the kinkiest of all scientists?

They have the ability to penetrate both holes at the same time. explanation(http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slitexperiment)

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

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Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

What is brown and screams?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

How many questions did the politician answer?

9/11

Barium Jokes More Barium Jokes

Why are Curium, Helium, and Barium the medical elements?

A: Because if you can't Curium or Helium them, you Barium!

What do you do to a scientist after he dies?

You Barium.

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why can't you ever trust pillowcase salesmen?

Because it might be a *sham*

Why can't you trust stairs?

Because they are always up to something.

Guarantee Jokes More Guarantee Jokes

Who is guaranteed to win?

Society.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

Marine Biologist Jokes More Marine Biologist Jokes

What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love?

It's a Moray."

What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

Why did the hipster burn his fingers?

because he changed the light bulb before it was cool

How many Narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. But he doesn't screw it in, he just holds it and the world revolves around him.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It didn't want to get stuck in any cracks.

How many cross-dressers live near Manchester?

Well, nearly 320,000 people round there have a Wigan address.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when you drop a piano in a mine?

A Flat Minor

What happens when you cross the band "The Knack" and a bottle of Corona?

A song called "My Corona"