Scientist Jokes

It is not like that anywhere else. It is not like people studying science claim that they are already scientists. Or people studying the arts say they are unemployed.

How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: I don't know, I'm no scientist

What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree?

A gorilla pooped on his face.

What did the scientist say at the bar?

I'd like some H20 please.

How did Chernobyl disaster happen ?

scientist A : Are you sure ? scientist B : Trust me, I know what i'm doing.

What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate?

OH NO !"

How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day?

They get their Aaargh-On!

Why do scientists call Helium , Barium and Curium the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium , You'd Barium!

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

Why did the scientist take off his doorbell?

because he wanted to win the "Nobel" prize!

What do you call a pickle sandwich that's a scientist?

Dill Rye

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

the cow didn't make it.

How many scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what interns are for.

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

What do you do when a scientist dies?

You barium! ba-dum-tss

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

How many scientists it takes to change a lightbulb?

None *et al.*

Why do scientists call helium , curium and barium the medical elements?

Because, if you can't helium or curium , you'd barium!

What did the scientist say after discovering the medicinal content of homeopathic remedies ?

0mg !!!!

What do you call a scientist that measures things in space?

A cosmetrologist.

How does a scientist make a hormone?

The same way I do: don't pay her!

Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?

It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

Where would you find the scientist who loved to f$k dogs?

In the lab.

What does the scientist say when asked if Invisibility Cloak will be applicated by the military?

Yes, but you won't see it any time soon.

Why do scientists look for things twice?

A: Because they research everything.

How did the scientist like his guacamole?

With lots of Avogadro!

How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001.

What did the scientist who got attacked by sodium chloride say?

That's a salt!

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

The scientists were brainstorming.

How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills?

They're always looking for Grant money.

What did the scientist say after attacking his colleague with sodium chloride?

That's a salt!

Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?

because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments?

Because they were for test porpoise only

What do scientists solve?

Che-mysteries!

Why are quantum physicists the kinkiest of all scientists?

They have the ability to penetrate both holes at the same time. explanation(http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slitexperiment)

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

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Why do cows never walk out of horror movies?

They're able to stomach a lot.

What is the horror movie Quija rated?

Quija-13

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Why did the elephant turn around in the airport and go home?

He forgot to pack his trunk.

What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day ?

Turns over a new leaf !

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What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

What do college students and deer have in common?

A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.

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What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

Fail Jokes More Fail Jokes

What do you call someone who failed rehab?

Back on crack

What did the failed Swedish chef say?

All that hard Bork and nothing to show for it .

Cleavage Jokes More Cleavage Jokes

What do earth scientists look at on their lunch breaks?

Cleavage.

What do you call the cleavage of someone with breast implants?

Silicone Valley

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How does one know if balls are ticklish?

Test-Tickle.

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

Why did the black child cross the road?

To get to the other side

Why did the newspaper cross the street?

To get to the other side of the story.