Screw Jokes

How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby I'll check on that.

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How many 2nd trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They can't get that high! (My band teacher told me that one today)

How many abstract artists does it to screw in a lightbulb?

A fish!

How many absurdist/surrealist comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

November.

How many activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because they can't change anything.

How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WANNA RIDE BIKES

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Wanna go ride bikes

How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually agents will screw in just about anything.

How many alternative school kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but they get extra credits for it

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?

to get to the other side

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words ;)

How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. Their President outsources the job to India.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, that's a Mexican's job.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

How many Amish guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One... I mean, they aren't fucking retarded.

This joke may have profanity.

How many Anime characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only 1, but it takes them 15 episodes to do it.

How many anti-feminists does it take to screw the light bulb?

Anti feminists Nah, they can't screw

How many Anti-Vaxxers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

As a mother, I choose not to screw it in. Light bulbs are dangerous weapons created by the Soviet Union, and I will not screw it in; it could severely hurt my child. As everyone knows, light bulbs are the principle source of autism in this world, and I have to take a stand on it.

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only two, but you've got to wonder how they climbed up there!

How many Apes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes a shitload of light bulbs.

This joke may have profanity.

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year.

How many Arabs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1.. 2.. 3.. BOOM

How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I've got this neat candle holder...

How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub

How many Astros fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Both of them.

How many Atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to actually do it, the other to film it so fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.

How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they all turn them the the wrong way.

How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.

How many Ayatollahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.

How many bad joke tellers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One.

How many ballerinas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

5,6,7,8!

How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. Five. One.

How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None the keyboardist can do it with his left hand.

How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.

How many bears does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

The bear minimum

How many bees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but how do they get in there

How many bees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but I don't know how they got in there.

How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the world to revolve around them

How Many Bit Coins Does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?

00000000000001adf44c7d69767585--5572eca4dd4-db7d0c0b845-916d849af76 PM me the answer!

How many black guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

You cant count them when its dark

How many black guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one - you fucking bigot.

This joke may have profanity.

How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3/5

How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Nobody knows, there's no light.

How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I am not sure, I haven't seen them try and I can't do it either.

How many BLM protestors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one to hold the bulb while the world revolves around them.

How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb?

Just 1...blondes will screw anything.

How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb??

Just 1...blondes will screw anything.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Need to know ASAP.

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to complain that it's electrified.

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three others to watch and say, "Really dude, you look huge!"

How many Bolsheviks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None - the lightbulb has the capacity for its own revolution

How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Irrelevant, you will be assimilated!

How many boring guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One

How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.

How many Buddhists does it take to screw a light bulb?

None. They believe that the enlightenment comes from within.

How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, as long as they can find a way in.

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done about the situation and the other one to screw it into the faucet.

How many buzzfeed employees does it take to screw a lightbulb?

Click here to find out!

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs and infinity pools.

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hella.

How many Camera Assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five: One to do it and four to tell you how they did it on the last job.

How many Carpathians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, Vigo and see. (best read in Yanosh's voice)

How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because little boys don't fit in a lightbulb.

How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Don't know, the pope hasn't said yet. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb None, Lutherans don't change.

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Jersey Jokes More Jersey Jokes

How many Jersey girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They'll screw anything

Why is Michael Jordan's Jersey number 23?

Because then he will always be in prime.

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?

She thought children should be seen and not herded!

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?

Because then the children have to play inside.

Middle School Jokes More Middle School Jokes

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (I remember this from the 1970s when I was in middle school. It's one of my first dirty jokes)

What's the longest, hardest thing in a Republican's life?

Middle school.

Autism Jokes More Autism Jokes

What's the worst part about admitting to your friends and family you play PokemanGo?

Having to admit you have autism :,P

What do you call a puppy with autism?

aww-tistic

World Jokes More World Jokes

What would someone in the 13 hundreds say if you told them we fly in giant metal birds all around the world?

You mean across

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One narcissist. The narcissist holds the lightbulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Law Enforcement Jokes More Law Enforcement Jokes

How many cops does it take the screw in a lightbulb?

The same number it takes to screw public confidence in law enforcement

What did the community do when there was an injustice involving law enforcement?

Black people took to the streets. White people took it to Reddit and complained about how nobody is doing anything about it.

Dumpster Jokes More Dumpster Jokes

What's worse than two babies in a dumpster?

A baby in two dumpsters.

What do you call a big trash can?

A dumpster. LOLOLOLOL

Vaxxer Jokes More Vaxxer Jokes

What's the worst gift to give to an anti-vaxxer?

Blankets.

How many Anti-Vaxxers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

As a mother, I choose not to screw it in. Light bulbs are dangerous weapons created by the Soviet Union, and I will not screw it in; it could severely hurt my child. As everyone knows, light bulbs are the principle source of autism in this world, and I have to take a stand on it.