Lock Jokes

What makes you really cool?

Getting locked inside a walk-in freezer

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the chicken lock itself in the freezer?

to get to the other side.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic?

Going in to ask for a coat hanger

This joke may have profanity.

Why can't redditors sew?

Because the thread has been locked by a moderator

Why was Mac OS X hired as the prison guard?

Because he kept locking up.

What is it like to mod r/news?

This thread has been locked. You will unable to vote or comment.

Whats the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside to ask for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

Why do gingers get sunburned so easily?

It's nature's way of telling us to lock them indoors

Why does Yasuo never get locked out?

Because he always "hasaki!"

How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend?

Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?

What do Canadian banks and psych wards have in common?

They both contain locked up loonies!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What's worse than locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside to ask for a clothes hanger

This joke may have profanity.

What's the best part about locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic?

Plenty of coat hangers.

This joke may have profanity.

How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife?

Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.

Why did the belt get locked up?

A: He held up a pair of pants.

What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock?

A Nokia

What's the worst part of locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

What does getting pregnant and locking your car keys in your car have in common?

They can both be fixed with a coat hanger.

Why was the band late to their gig?

Because the drummer locked himself in the car with the keys.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car, outside of a planned parenthood center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat-hanger.

What's worse than locking your keys in you car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger

This joke may have profanity.

Why did the black man walk into a bar?

Because the cell door was still locked.

How do you process a queue of table delete requests for an asynchronous database?

Pop, Lock & Drop It

What do accidental pregnancies and locked cars both have in common?

Both can be fixed with a coathanger.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

What's worse than locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic?

Going in and asking for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

both can be solved with a coat hanger

What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic?

Going inside and asking for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

Whats the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic parking lot?

Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger.

This joke may have profanity.

Why is it easy to break in to an old man's house?

Because his gait is broken and his locks are few.

What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Going in to ask for a coat hanger!

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call 32 white people locked in a closet?

A captive Cherokee.

Who's there ! Ammon ! Ammon who ?

Ammon old hand at picking locks !

What does a suburban neighbourhood do if there's a blackout?

They lock their doors and windows.

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ?

Jail-birds !

What was the internet like in the old days?

Me: *opens door* *pushes 16 outside* *locks door*

What did the knob say to the door?

I LOCK you a lot! yep, its corny, indeed, but... I'm tryin'! Skip

Why do bald-headed men never use keys?

Because they've lost their locks.

How do you do it w/ 4 kids?

Hubs: With the door locked. Me: She means how do we manage...but yeah.

What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer ?

Mice cubes !

What's the worst thing about...?

getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger. *Yet another Australian pub joke*

This joke may have profanity.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?

Are they afraid someone might accidentally clean them

What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

What do you if there is a black out?

Make sure your doors are locked and windows bolted shut.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car next to an abortion clinic?

Having to go in to ask for a coat hangar.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in the car in an abortion clinic parking lot?

Going inside to ask for a hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

How do you tell if someone online is American?

They keep their caps locked and guns loaded. (Not the best and not original)

Why does the Italian pasta maker always get locked out of his house?

because he has gnocchi

What is the worst thing about locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

Whats the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a lock with low self-confidence?

Insecure.

What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic?

When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a crippled kid locked in a hot car?

Steamed Vegetable.

What's the worst part of locking your keys in the car by the abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask to borrow a coat hanger

This joke may have profanity.

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?

Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.

How does Steve Irwin open a lock made of tears?

With a "Cry-key!"

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What did the dog say to the tree?

Bark

What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?

A: Should we walk home or take a dog

Key Jokes More Key Jokes

Why did the left alt key and the right alt key break up?

They needed some space.

What do you get when you cross a garden, a rabbit, and some ExLax?

For the love of everything sacred on reddit please do not make me actually key the answer....okay, let's say it together, "Salad Shooter".

Zip Lock Bag Jokes More Zip Lock Bag Jokes

What do a zip lock bag and a walrus have on common?

They both like a tight seal

What do a walrus and a zip-lock bag have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What is the best part about showering with a 14 year old girl?

If you slick her hair back just right, she looks nine!

Why did the hovering guitarist always look worried?

He was always fretting over something or other...

Sew Jokes More Sew Jokes

What did the tailor do after she got hit by the lawyer's car?

Sewed him

What do you call someone who sews extremely fast?

Taylor Swift...

Coat Jokes More Coat Jokes

What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels?

A boat-ique. ...I'll get my coat.

Why doesn't anyone get laid on Thanksgiving?

All the coats are on the bed!

5 Hour Jokes More 5 Hour Jokes

How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but they'll ask for $15 an hour.

How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend?

Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?

Man Good Friend Jokes More Man Good Friend Jokes

Who is a man's best friend?

The sock, he's always there in hard times.

Why do we say dogs are man's best friend? Why not say dogs are man's and woman's best friend?

Because diamonds are a woman's best friend.