Winter Jokes

What do you call an NSA whistle-blower spending the winter in Russia?

Edward Snowed-in

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How does water stay warm during the winter?

It wears an aqua-fur.

Why is the Kremlin so much warmer this winter?

It had new windows Putin

Why do birds fly to the tropics in winter?

Why, wouldn't the winter be over by the time they reach, if they walk all the way along? So they fly.

Why does the NSA hate winter?

Because they're not used to getting Snowden. (I'll see myself out)

What do you call a 3 legged cow named Summer in the winter?

Summer...Her name's summer.

What stopped winter for coming?

Cuz Winterfell and it can't get up! :P

Why don't women like to wear dresses in the winter?

Chapped lips

How do you stay warm outside in the winter?

You just stand in a corner, they are usually around 90 degrees.

Which phone??

Person 1 : Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2 : Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1 : So what about summers then? Person 2 : Same, it freezes often as well

Why is it better to date a woman with heavy thighs during the winter?

Your ears stay warmer.

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Why did the farmer fail to bring in the whole harvest before winter frost?

He got lost in the maize.

What does a cow say in the winter?

I'm udderly freezing!

How do you find Will Smith in winter?

You follow the Fresh Prince

What did Helen Keller scream when she got mugged?

Nothing. It was winter and she had mittens on.

How do you keep water warn in the winter?

Have it wear an aqua-fur.

What did the cow say in winter?

Oh my god. I'm Friesian!

What movie did they go to see?

Closed for Winter".

Why do black people get hit by cars more during winter time?

Because they're easier to spot

Why does the U.S. Government hate winter?

Because everything isis

Why couldn't the NSA agent leave his house this Winter?

He was Snowden.

What do pirates do with their treasure in the winter?

They BURy it

Why don't women wear skirts during winter?

They'll get chapped lips!

Why do bees stay in their hive during Winter?

Swarm.

Why is a bear brown?

Because he crawls in his hole during winter.

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

What cheese do hunters use to goad a bear out from its cave in the winter?

Camenbert

What did the Chinese man say when Winter came around?

Reddit snow, reddit snow, reddit snow!

Why do some birds fly south for the winter?

Its to far to walk.

Where do fleas go in winter?

Werewolf: Search me!

Why don't women wear skirts in the winter?

Ever try and peel apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich

What kind of bug can survive all winter?

A bahumbug!

What stopped winter from coming?

Winterfell and it can't get up.

Why did the hipster complain about winter in July?

He wanted to do it before it was cool.

How do you find Will Smith in the winter?

You search for Fresh Prints.

What's the opposite of a somersault?

A winter pepper.

Why does the NSA hate the winter?

They got snowed in.

Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.

Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze?

So that he didn't have to buy a winter coat.

Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter?

They get chapped lips

Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?

A: They could get chapped lips!

How is a woman who got her winter coat at Target similar to an officer on leave?

They both got their fur low.

Where is potatoes?

This winter is very cold. Family is starve.

Why don't Bond villains feel cold in the winter?

Because they dress in lairs.

What do pirates like to wear during the winter?

Scarves

Why was the robot cold?

He was missing his winter gear

What do Bees wear in the winter?

Yellow Jackets*

Why don't girls where skirts in the winter?

So they don't get chapped lips.

What do you say when it's snowing?

Winter is coming.

Why is one side of the V always longer than the other when geese are flying south for the winter ?

It's because there are more geese on that side.

What happens to donkeys in the winter?

They change into brrrrrro's.

When is a body builder's shortest workout?

During the winter Swole-stace

What do you get when you let 25,000 Syrian refugees into Canada during the winter?

Isisicles

What did Jack Frost say at his climax?

Winter is coming"

Why do birds fly south for the winter?

Because it's too far to walk.

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What do you call an NSA whistle-blower spending the winter in Russia?

Edward Snowed-in

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She hated my poncho.

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How do you stay warm outside in the winter?

You just stand in a corner, they are usually around 90 degrees.

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sELFie

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Who doesn't like Turkey?

Russia.

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Be a Viktor, then you are Devinitely In