Winter Jokes

Person 1 : Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2 : Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1 : So what about summers then? Person 2 : Same, it freezes often as well

Why is it better to date a woman with heavy thighs during the winter?

Your ears stay warmer.

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Why did the farmer fail to bring in the whole harvest before winter frost?

He got lost in the maize.

What does a cow say in the winter?

I'm udderly freezing!

How do you find Will Smith in winter?

You follow the Fresh Prince

What did Helen Keller scream when she got mugged?

Nothing. It was winter and she had mittens on.

How do you keep water warn in the winter?

Have it wear an aqua-fur.

What did the cow say in winter?

Oh my god. I'm Friesian!

What movie did they go to see?

Closed for Winter".

Why do black people get hit by cars more during winter time?

Because they're easier to spot

Why does the U.S. Government hate winter?

Because everything isis

Why couldn't the NSA agent leave his house this Winter?

He was Snowden.

What do pirates do with their treasure in the winter?

They BURy it

Why don't women wear skirts during winter?

They'll get chapped lips!

Why do bees stay in their hive during Winter?

Swarm.

Why is a bear brown?

Because he crawls in his hole during winter.

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

What cheese do hunters use to goad a bear out from its cave in the winter?

Camenbert

What did the Chinese man say when Winter came around?

Reddit snow, reddit snow, reddit snow!

Why do some birds fly south for the winter?

Its to far to walk.

Where do fleas go in winter?

Werewolf: Search me!

Why don't women wear skirts in the winter?

Ever try and peel apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich

What kind of bug can survive all winter?

A bahumbug!

What stopped winter from coming?

Winterfell and it can't get up.

Why did the hipster complain about winter in July?

He wanted to do it before it was cool.

How do you find Will Smith in the winter?

You search for Fresh Prints.

What's the opposite of a somersault?

A winter pepper.

Why does the NSA hate the winter?

They got snowed in.

Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.

Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze?

So that he didn't have to buy a winter coat.

Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter?

They get chapped lips

Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?

A: They could get chapped lips!

How is a woman who got her winter coat at Target similar to an officer on leave?

They both got their fur low.

Where is potatoes?

This winter is very cold. Family is starve.

Why don't Bond villains feel cold in the winter?

Because they dress in lairs.

What do pirates like to wear during the winter?

Scarves

Why was the robot cold?

He was missing his winter gear

What do Bees wear in the winter?

Yellow Jackets*

Why don't girls where skirts in the winter?

So they don't get chapped lips.

What do you say when it's snowing?

Winter is coming.

Why is one side of the V always longer than the other when geese are flying south for the winter ?

It's because there are more geese on that side.

What happens to donkeys in the winter?

They change into brrrrrro's.

When is a body builder's shortest workout?

During the winter Swole-stace

What do you get when you let 25,000 Syrian refugees into Canada during the winter?

Isisicles

What did Jack Frost say at his climax?

Winter is coming"

Why do birds fly south for the winter?

Because it's too far to walk.

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What do you call an NSA whistle-blower spending the winter in Russia?

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What do you call a government official that can't leave an airport because of a blizzard?

Edward Snowed In

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Who wouldn't let the gorilla in the ballet?

Just... the person responsible for making those decisions...

What would call a person who isn't worthy of being looked at?

Unseaworthy

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What do you get when you cross a whistle with a blizzard?

Edward Snowed-in

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Edward Snowed-in!

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Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled?

His toga size went from L to XL.

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What did the NSA say to Russia after the blizzard?

We're Snowden!

Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Russia?

He was snowed in.