Bad Jokes

What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl? A GOOD girl goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed. A BAD girl goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home.

What's the difference between babies and love?

Love doesn't burn. What's worst part about making love to a dead baby. Digging up the coffin. How long does take to play hide and seek with a dead baby? It depends how small the pieces are.

What's the worst part of locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

What is the worst part about being black?

You never know if your gums are bruised.

What's the worst part about being black?

Even the name has 'lack' in it

What do you get when you cast Michael J. Fox as Walter White?

Shaking Bad.

What's the worst part of an NFL wedding?

Getting hit by Rice

What's the worst part about 4 black guys driving off a cliff in an escalade?

They were my friends. :(

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car, outside of a planned parenthood center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat-hanger.

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?

The first couple of times you cough, the loogeys aren't yours!

What's the worst part about being a redneck?

Having to see your ex at family gatherings.

What's the worst part about season 1 of Lost?

The episode.

What's the worst part of running into your ex?

You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.

What do you call the bad part of Italy?

Spaghetto.

What is the worst part about breaking up with a japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the worst part about Tupac's new sitcom?

The Holocaust. (pun, hologram deal)

What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic?

Going inside and asking for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

Whats the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic parking lot?

Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the worst part about getting AIDS?

Having to tell your friend his kids should get tested.

What's the worst part about necrophilia?

When you get stiff before she does.

Whats the worst part about a black out in Detroit?

All the pairs of floating eyes

What's the worst part of getting hit in the face with pie?

It's never ending.

What's the worst part about /r/meirl moderators?

Deleted

What did the boy buy at the grocery store?

Too Bad, I'm not telling you!

What's the worst part about working with a gamer?

They're always trying to 1-Up you.

What's the worst part of giving a magician a ride home?

When you get there, you turn into the driveway. Ba-dum-bum! Don't forget to tip your waitress!

What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person?

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Going in to ask for a coat hanger!

This joke may have profanity.

What's the worst part about being a beaver?

It's a lot of dam work.

How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?

If it's a good one you will be able to talk about it later!

What's the worst part of being a cook in prison?

Having to toss everyone's salad

What is the worst part about being told you have Alzheimer's?

It never happens just once.

What's the worst part about working in a glory hole?

You only get paid in tips.

What's the worst part about a potato famine?

You can't get to the root of the problem.

What's the worst part about driving Ford off a cliff?

Ford was my best friend.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

What's the worst part about having Comcast internet?

What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the worst part of a Ukrainian gas station?

When you see the tongue drag across your windshield.

What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes?

You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/

What's the worst part of being bipolar?

The fact you love it.

What's the worst part about baiting a fish hook really well?

Everyone knows you're a master baiter!

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car next to an abortion clinic?

Having to go in to ask for a coat hangar.

This joke may have profanity.

Why are these Facebook status updates so much more interesting than usual?

Oh, because this isn't Facebook - it's a mattress label. My bad.

What's the worst part about making out with a perfect 10?

The cold feeling on your lips when you realize you're kissing the mirror

What's the worst part about locking your keys in the car in an abortion clinic parking lot?

Going inside to ask for a hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

Whats the worst part about being a news reporter?

The shootings

What's the worst part about meeting someone with Parkinson's?

Shaking hands.

What's the worst part of having a lung transplant?

Knowing that the first couple of times you cough that the phlegm isn't yours.

What's the worst part about having Alzheimer's?

To get to the other side

What is the worst part of a prostate exam?

Feeling the doctor's hands on your shoulders.

Whats the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger

This joke may have profanity.

What's the worst part of locking your keys in the car by the abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask to borrow a coat hanger

This joke may have profanity.

Whats the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?

Having to drop the bomb on them twice before they get it.

What is your location?

Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up

What's the worst part about dating a Japanese girl?

When you break up with her, you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

What's the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher?

They can't control their pupils.

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Paul Jokes More Paul Jokes

How did Paul, the octopus, originally die?

Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup " Paul died laughing.

What do you get when you put Ryan dunn and Paul walker in a porshce?

Dunn Walking!!!

Good News Jokes More Good News Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

How's my cat, Doc?

Vet: I have good news and bad news..

Whack Jokes More Whack Jokes

What is the biggest similarity between the average Redditor and a lumberjack?

They both sleep all night and whack all day!

What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver?

The home golfer goes WHACK! "Oh no!" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What kind of wig can hear ?

An earwig !

What did the bat say to the other bat when he almost flew into a tree?

Whoa did you hear that?

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What's bad about wetting your bed?

Urine it.

Why did Snow White go to bed?

She was feeling Sleepy.

Bad Girl Jokes More Bad Girl Jokes

What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl?

What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl? A GOOD girl goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed. A BAD girl goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home.

Why is Santa Claus always so happy?

He knows where all the bad girls live

Smell Jokes More Smell Jokes

Whats that smell?

Auschwitz.

What smells bad and sounds like a bell?

Dung! Get it?!

Example Jokes More Example Jokes

What is your biggest weakness?

Sometimes I'm too succinct" Can you give an example "Yes"

How many words can you type a minute?

ME: Probably all of them BOSS: What do you mean ME: Well, like for example, pickle