Bicycle Jokes

What's the fastest thing on earth?

An Arab riding a bicycle down Collins Avenue in Miami Beach.

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Why was the bicycle lying on the side of the road?

It was two tired.

Why can't bicycles stand up on their own?

Because they're two tired

Why did the bicycle stop moving?

Because it was two-tiered.

How is a fish like a bicycle?

Neither one knows how to whistle!

What do you call two colored folk riding a bicycle?

Organized crime!

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was too tired. :)

Why can't the bicycle stand on its own ?

Because its two tyred

How do you tell if someone is riding a bicycle for fitness or because they have a DUI?

The cigarette.

What do blacks and bicycles have in common?

Take off the chain and both stop working. Going straight to hell :)

Why can't a bicycle stand alone?

It's two tired.

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Why can't the bicycle stand on its own?

Because it's two-tired

What does a duck and a bicycle have in common?

They both have handlebars. Well, except for the duck.

Why did the bicycle fall down?

because it was two-tired.

What do you call three lesbians on a bicycle?

A trike

Why did Jill fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms. Why did she not get back up? Because she had no legs. What did Jill get for Christmas? A bicycle.

What did the flower say to the bicycle?

Petal.

Why dont bicycles pedal backwards???

Because than it would be REcycling

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was too tired...

What does a strawberry and a blueberry have in common?

They both can't ride a bicycle!

What did the native american say the first time he saw a bicycle?

Wow, white folks are pretty smart. They run sitting down.

Why did the bicycle fall over??

Because it was two tired...

What do you call a nun on a bicycle?

virgin mobile

What did the poor ghetto dweller get for Christmas?

Your bicycle.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

A-tyre

What's the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What is the similarity between a bicycle and a black man?

The rightful owner of both is white

What's the difference between a formally-dressed man riding a unicycle and a casually-dressed man riding a bicycle?

Attire.

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed clown on a tricycle?

Attire

What did the bicycle call its dad?

Pop-cycle

What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire

Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle?

Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.

What do Mormon's and tweekers have in common?

Both ride bicycles and bust mission.

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a hobo on a bicycle?

Attire.

Why was the bicycle laying on the ground?

Because it was two-tired

What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a dully dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What do you call a bicycle made just for grandpas?

A popsicle!

Why do bicycles always fall down if unsupported?

Because they're two-tired.

What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her head ?

Petal !

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed woman on a tricycle?

Attire

What's the difference between a hobo on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

A tyre (attire)

How is learning to ride a bicycle and 9/11 alike?

Because you never forget!

What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire

What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?

The road.

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

Why do you not run over a Mexican on a bicycle?

It could be your bicycle!

What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?

Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

Why didn't the bicycle cross the road?

he was two-tired...

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?

It was 2 tired...

Why does a Bicycle have a kickstand?

Because it's two tired.

Why did the unicycle win the race?

Because the bicycle was two tired.

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

A tire!

What does a tweaker and a Jehovah's Witness have in common?

Both ride bicycles and are on a mission.

Why couldn't Tommy ride a bicycle?

A: Because he was a gold fish.

Why did the guy fall off his bicycle?

Because I threw a microwave at him

What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle ?

Bike carbonate of soda !

Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?

Because it is two-tired (too tired).

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him?

Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

What's the difference between a bicycle and a black man?

A bike doesn't start singing when you put chains on it.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dessed man on a bicycle?

Attire...!!

When is a bicycle not a bicycle?

When it turns into a driveway.

What elephant and a canary and in common?

They both can't ride bicycles.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

a tire.

Where do weirdos ride their bicycles?

Psycho-paths. (as told by one of my coworkers)

What's the difference between a man on a unicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a bicycle wearing a tank top?

Attire.

Whats the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

Attire.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up for itself?

Because it was two-tyred.

What do you call a play about a moose on a bicycle?

A Moosical

What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a handsomely dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

Why couldn't the bicycle stand anymore?

It was two tired.

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a uni cycle?

Attire

Why is the bicycle unable to stay up?

Because it is two-tired!!!!

What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

x-post from r/bicycling Attire

Why can't bicycles stand on their own?

They are two tired

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You only get paid in tips.

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As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

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Why do black people wear chains?

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Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

It's two-tired.

Why can't a bicycle stand on its on?

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Lesbian Jokes More Lesbian Jokes

Why did the lesbian cross the street?

She was emo.

Why aren't there any nails in a lesbian's floor?

A. They're all laid with tongue and groove.

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What do you call a fissure in the earth that houses old Russian rulers who like to mock others ironically?

Tsar-Chasm

What would happen if the Earth was a Cube?

We'd all be cubans. I'm sorry

Handlebar Jokes More Handlebar Jokes

What's the difference between a horse?

The orange has handlebars

What does a duck and a bicycle have in common?

They both have handlebars. Well, except for the duck.

Black Jokes More Black Jokes

Why cant a Gorilla get a job?

BECAUSE HE'S BLACK

What do a baby and a pancake have in common?

If its black it aint good

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

What's the difference in the KKK and the Supreme Court?

The KKK dresses in white and scares the hell out of black people, the Supreme Court dresses in black and scares the hell out of white people.

Why the hell would I use turn signals?

I know where we're going.