571+ Funny S Jokes - Curious United

Whats red, 10 inches long, and makes your girlfriend cry when you put it in her mouth?

her miscarriage

Whats the difference between the FAA and a jet engine?

The engine stops whining after the plane lands.

Whats brown and sounds like a bell?

DUUUUUuU

Whats up r/jokes?

Not march.

Whats the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team?

A tribe of pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts.

Whats 10 inches?

What's 10 inches, has a big red head and makes my girlfriend cry when i put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage

Whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at 3 Ho's (sorry if it's a re-post)

Whats the best thing about being addicted to speed?

Only one more sleep until Christmas!

Whats the difference between an Irish Party and an Irish Funeral?

One less drunken Irishman

Whats a Plumber's favorite vegetable?

A Leek!

Whats Irish and stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture

Whats the difference between a black guy and a snow tire?

A snow tire doesnt sing when you put chains on it.

Whats the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic parking lot?

Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger.

This joke may have profanity.

Why Does Paris Hilton Have a Chihuahua?

Cause she doesn't want a Dog thats more intelligent than her!

Whats white and salty?

Salt.

Whats got wrinkles and hangs out your undies?

Your granny

Whats easier than stealing candy from a baby?

Stealing candy from a dead baby.

Whats the difference between a watermelon and baby?

One's really fun to smash with a sledge-hammer and the other is just a watermelon

Whats the V in DVD stand for?

Cuz if it were lying down it wouldnt make any sense. (first post to reddit, made up this joke today .. be kind)

Whats the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?

Two test tickles.

Whats long black and stinky?

the unemployment line.

Whats a baby's favourite temperature?

Womb tempertaure

Whos the coolest guy in hospital?

The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy

Whats the difference between chinese people and racism?

Racism has many faces

Whats that over there?

I don't know but i think i just got a raging clue

Wheres the best place to hide a body?

Page 2 of google search results

Whats the worst part about a black out in Detroit?

All the pairs of floating eyes

Whats the problem with tainted money?

It taint yours and it taint mine :D (Puns for the win :D)

Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ?

Your teeth !

Whats the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?

The position of the dirtbag.

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

Hows your incontinence?

Depends."

Whats happening?

FB=Whats on your mind FourSquare= Where am I Quora=what Youtube=What Im watching. LinkedIn=Whats in it for me

Whats the difference between an original joke and a repost?

I dunno, i just click submit

Whats the worst thing about manufacturing tabletops?

It's counterproductive

Whats the difference between a woman and a floppy drive?

A Floppy Drive can only take 3.5" Inches.

Whats the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a bottle of glue?

Anyone can tuna piano, but nobody can piano a tuna!

Whats my knee's favourite channel?

Dis-knee channel.

Whats green and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ?

A frog in a blender !

Whats up?

Me:Onion prices. S:You know what I mean,like What's crackin' M:Nutshells. S:Really Fine.What's poppin M:Corn. *Blocked*

Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Washing Machine?

The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!

Whats the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil?

No one ever paid $50 to have a Lentil on their face.

Whats the funniest type of bird?

Crows! they're the undisputed kings of CAW-Medy

Whats Brown and... Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?

p p

What did Justin Bieber's biggest fan say to him when they met?

nothing, hes a fan.

How do you get a full grown elephant on to the subway?

You take the "S" out of "Sub", and then you take the "F" out of "Way".

What do you call an Italian guy whos afraid of cheese?

Alfredo

Whos there?

Yoda lady. Yoda lady who Good job yodeling! 2.Knock knock. Whos there Well, not your parents, because your parents never knock!

Whats the German version of silent night?

Kristall nacht

Whats your favorite pickup line?

Mine is: I'll give you candy if you get in the van

Whats the difference between Zoidburg and Snowden?

both accused of treason for expressing their freedom but Zoidburg didn't get his marshmallows!

Whats a motivational word for a gopher?

Gopher' it.

Whats an iPhone 7's favorite brand of frozen pizza?

Not Jack's.

Whos there Ellen Ellen who?

Ellen Pao Oh k lol stay out.

Whats the difference....?

What's the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

Whats the hardest part of watching an Orphanage burn?

Not getting hard.

What starts with "p," ends with "s," and is really long?

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

Whats Super Mario's Favorite Website?

Yahoo!

Whats the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through his opening monologue without laughing

Why is there no phone books in china?

Because theres so many wings and wongs you wing the wong number.

Whats worse than ants in your pants?

Your uncle.

Whats in Olivia Newton's John?

Gomer's Pile

What is red... And smells like green paint?

Red paint! Whats green, and smells like red paint Green paint :) Can't believe how many time I switch to the second, and they don't get it!

Whats the worst animal to play cards with?

A Cheetah.

Whats a word that white people can call white people but black people cannot call black people?

Dad.

Whats the difference between a circus and The Rockettes?

The circus is a cunning array of stunts...

What's an Australian Kiss?

It's like a French kiss, but down under.

Whats green and flies?

Super Pickle

Whats green and flys through the air?

Super Pickle

Whats the difference between Love and Herpes?

Your mother didn't give you love.

Whats The Difference Between a Hobo On a Unicycle And a Man In a Suit On a Bike?

Attire.

Whats a joke so bad its funny?

I just want some really hillarious jokes, preferably long ones

Whats a cab drivers favorite song?

Livin' on a fare!

Whats Orange and bad for your teeth?

a brick

Whats the best thing on the menu?

Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*

Whats the difference between a duck?

One foots both the same!

Whats the most addictive drug you can formulate out of a piece of the human body?

Hairoin

Which I replied, "Wanna know whats also the size of Australia?

Australia.

Who is the coolest guy at the hospital?

The ultra sound guy. And who covers when hes off sick The hip replacement guy.

Whats long and black and hard to cut into?

The line at KFC

How do you make 7 even?

By removing the S

Whats the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay 200 to have a lentil on in my mouth

Who is the coolest guy in a hospital. The ultra sound guy. Whos the coolest when he is off?

The hip replacement guy. /dad

Why cant billy ride the swings?

he has no arms. knock knock. Whos there Not billy

Whats ur emergency?

OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-" 911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service- "-of my sons mouth."

Whats red, white, and hangs from a telephone pole?

A dead baby shot out of a snowblower.

Whats the difference between an easily offended person and a gun?

A gun actually does something when triggered.

Whats the last thing that goes through a fly's brain before it hits my car windshield?

Its arse.

What would you folks like?

HER: I'll have the s- ME: WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY !

Whats black and white and red all over?

A nun in a car accident.

Whats the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?

Ones a snack cracker and ones a crack snacker!

Whats the difference between a sly pig and a yeast infection?

One's a cunning runt.....

Whats a Himalayan's favourite body part?

a Nepal.....

Whats in his backpack?

Answer: Parachute

Whats the biggest difference betweens mens and womens soccer?

There are more pussies on a mens soccer team

This joke may have profanity.

Whats the difference between risky children and risky lesbians?

One runs when they have scissors, the others scissor when they have runs

Why doesn't the Grinch like knock knock jokes?

Because there's always Whos there!

Whats 1+0?

Babies

Whats a caged animal's favorite food?

Zoocchini

Whats another term for acid?

Its on the tip of my tongue...