Vegan Jokes

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the plant say to the vegan?

Leaf me alone.

What is it called when two Vegans get into an argument?

A Beef

How do most vegans die?

Malnutrition.

Why did the vegan avoid the confrontation?

He didn't want any beef.

What personal question is not obvious yet nobody has ever needed to ask anyone?

Are you vegan?

How do you know if someone is not a vegan?

They don't tell you

How do you know whether somebody is a vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How do you offend a vegan?

Cover your ears with your hands

How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to get up on his high horse and another to chastise the first about oppressing horses.

What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject?

The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Oh don't worry, they'll let you know.

What was Aladdin called after he went Vegan?

Saladdin.

Why does vegan cheese taste bad?

It hasnt been tested on mice.

How can you tell that someone's a vegan?

Don't worry they'll tell you themselves.

What did the vegan say when he saw someone familiar?

I've seen herbivore.

How can you tell when a girl is vegan?

She'll tell you

How many feminists does it take to screw a vegan?

Lightbulb.

How do you spot a vegan at the gym?

Pretty much the same as anyone else.

What did the vegan give the homeless guy?

A lecture.

What's the hardest part about being a Vegan who does Crossfit and owns a Rescue dog?

Deciding which to tell people first.

How do you know if someone's a vegan?

When you ask them "Are you a vegan?" and they say "Yes".

What's the worst part about going down on a vegan?

They taste like chicken.

How do you spot a vegan at a party?

Don't worry, they'll let you know.

What do vegan zombies say?

GRAAAAAAINS!

How can you tell someone is vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you

What do vegan zombies crave?

GRRAAAAINS!!

How do you find a vegan at your dinner party?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source?

They chia'd.

Why are vegans so salty?

To hide the fact that their food has no flavor.

What's the hardest part about being a vegan?

Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.

How do you spot the vegan at a party?

They'll tell you.

How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Vegans have the same capability of changing a lightbulb as non-vegans.

What do Vegans, ISIS and Feminists have in common?

None of them like pork.

What did the carnivore say to the vegan?

That's a missed-steak"

Why did vegan cross the road?

Because chicken came to his side.

How do you ask someone if they're Vegan?

You don't need to, they'll tell you

How do you tell when somebodies a vegan?

You don't, they will tell you.

How do you know when a vegan gets to the party?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How do you know if a complete stranger is vegan?

They already told you.

How do you identify a vegan?

Listen closely.

What do vegan white nationalists chant at rallies?

Sieg-Kale, Sieg-Kale!

Why do vegans hate themselves?

They are animal products.

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you

How can you spot a vegan in a crowded lunch hall?

Don't worry, they'll tell you and every other person there!

How many vegan people does it take to change a lightbulb?

One vegan, I am vegan, it was me - the vegan, I was the only vegan, it was me.

What can I get for you, Ma'am?

She says "Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."

You might also enjoy:

Plant Jokes More Plant Jokes

What do you call a stingy douchebag who likes plants?

A prick

What do you call a plant getting kidney surgery?

A transplant

Test Jokes More Test Jokes

What should you do when life gives you melons?

Get tested for dyslexia.

Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?

It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

Worry Jokes More Worry Jokes

Why did the chicken run across the road?

She was worried the egg would get there first.

How do you know you're speaking with an engineer?

Don't worry they'll tell you.

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many dubstep fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Wuh-wuh-wuh-one.

How many people does it take to screw a lightbulb?

Just one guy with a really weird fetish.

Leaf Jokes More Leaf Jokes

What did one plant say to the other plant that was annoying him?

Please leaf me alone! Or I'll tell my mom, and you'll get in trouble.

How do you depress a room full of geeks?

Hold the door! I'm a leaf on the wind!"

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did Eddie Vedder take the fiber supplements?

He needed to have an Even Flow.

Why do the republicans defend the 2nd amendment so hard?

They need it to shoot themselves in the foot.

Offend Jokes More Offend Jokes

Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?

Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.

What gun does Jesus hate the most?

The nail gun. So sorry if this offends you Credit to the podcast

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Change !

How many pixies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.