Irish Jokes

Because if there were one more, it'd be two forty. (Too farty) This works much better when spoken out loud. The joke how Irish people pronounce "forty."

Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?

Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

What's the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?

One less drunk.

What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year?

Patty O'Furniture

What's green, white, and orange and only appears once a year?

Irish pride

What's Irish and sits on a deck?

Patty O'Furniture

What do you call an Irish snake in Lord of the Rings?

Legolas

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.

What do you call 3 Irish tree surgeons?

Tree fellas

What is Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O'Furniture

What do you call an Irish J-Pop singer?

Rady O'Gaga

What's Irish and sits by the pool?

Paddy O'Furniture

What is the name of an Irish girl who hangs out on your lawn?

Patti O'Furniture

What's the difference between an Irish Funeral and an Irish Wedding?

One less drunk person.

How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, One to hold the light and, one to drink until the room starts spinning!

Whats the difference between an Irish Party and an Irish Funeral?

One less drunken Irishman

Whats Irish and stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture

What do you call a seven course Irish meal?

A 6-pack and a potato.

What do you call an Irish guy with no arms and no legs hanging out on your front porch?

Patio Furniture.

How many Irish folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and one to sing about how grand the old bulb was.

What's the only thing an Irish person can hold on to?

A grudge.

What do you call an Irish man who won't leave your porch?

Paddy O' furniture

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains?

Patty O'Furniture.

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.

Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans?

Because if you added one more it'd be two farty.

What do you call an Irish gangster that all living systems strive for?

X /r/ScienceJokes) Homie O'Stasis.

What is the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.

What is an Irish 7 course meal?

A six pack and a potato

What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?

Counterfitz

What's an Irish Seven Course Dinner?

A boiled potato and a six-pack of Guinness Stout.

What do the Irish do after winning the world cup?

They proceed to Chapter 9: The Dark Mark

What kind of book does an Irish cultist read?

The Leprenomichaun.

Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?

He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?

Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

Why do new Irish mothers keep dying?

Because they lack taters

What do the Irish say when they cheers their beer?

Good Mornin'!

What do you call 7 Irish guys singing "White Christmas?

Racist.

What do you call an Irish milkshake?

Mashed potatoes...

What did the Irish farmer say to his cow when it climbed onto the roof of his barn?

A: Get off.

Where does an Irish person go on a vacation?

A: A new bar

How can you identify an Irish pirate?

A: He's the one with patches over both eyes.

What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods?

Trail micks.

What do the Irish hate more than potatoes?

No potatoes.

What do you call Irish sunscreen?

A pub.

What's Irish and sits out all night?

Patio furniture.

What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patty's day?

On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.

What's Irish and stays out all year?

Patty O'furniture.

What if Lady Gaga was half Irish, half Japanese?

Rady O'Gaga

What's Irish and stays out on your deck?

Paddy O'furniture

What would Apple laptops be called if Steve Jobs had been Irish?

McBook Eyre

You might also enjoy:

Thirty Jokes More Thirty Jokes

How many ameobas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No, sixteen! No, thirty-two! ...

What's the perfect time to go to the dentist?

Two thirty.

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

Which one is the Irishman?

A: The one on the motorbike.

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

English Jokes More English Jokes

Which cat won the race?

A: The English cat. Un deux trois cat sank.

What is the only word in an English dictionary spelled incorrectly?

Incorrectly is the only word spelled I n c o r r e c t l y

Irish People Jokes More Irish People Jokes

Why are there exactly two hundred and thirty nine beans in an Irish Bean Soup?

Because if there were one more, it'd be two forty. (Too farty) This works much better when spoken out loud. The joke how Irish people pronounce "forty."